2015 Retrospect

Every year I try and do a retrospect post of all the things that have happened in the past year. Last year was a rough year and I was very optimistic going in to 2015 that this year would be better than the last. Unfortunately 2015 ended up being a rough year for us as well. I didn't blog a lot, but between losing our first pregnancy, marital troubles, legal issues and other things, 2015 was pretty harsh too. I hope I do not sound like a broken record when I say I hope 2016 is a better year and I make you all positively nauseous with how great it becomes, but here is hoping.

Past retrospects:
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010

January

We spent New Years in the mountains with my family since we didn't see them for Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. Unfortunately I had horrendous gall bladder attacks the entire weekend and could barely move.

We also took our first trip to a local favorite, Mike's Farm, as pictured above.

Ryan and I decided to go in for a Tune Up of sorts.

Ryan had his IUT (or Training) Cycle as an instructor with SOI-E.

At the end of the month I finally had surgery to remove my gallbladder, hoping my stomach issues would subside. Not the case.

February

I spent most of February pretty sick recovering from my surgery at the end of January.

But we did manage to have a nice Valentine's Day together before I went back to work.

I spent the rest of the month sick, on and off, trying to gather myself.

March

Ryan was still going through cycles with work and I was still sick.
I did take some time to do a rare craft post on this blog with my wine cork wreath.

April

April things got better.
We spent a nice, quiet Easter together at home.
My brother Stefan came and spent his Spring Break with us.
And we attended our first Dining In together, which was a nice excuse to dress up!

May

In May we were officially gutted as my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage on our fifth wedding anniversary. It was truly devastating. 

June

I went to my first ever Jane Wayne Day or, In Their Boots Day, as it is now called.
I blogged a bit more about our loss.
My baby brother graduated high school.

July

I didn't blog a lot in July, but I did a quick update with the 4th of July and the birth of our niece.
To get away for awhile I joined my parents, brother, aunt, uncle, and cousins at the OBX.

August

Stefan came and spent another week with us in August before he left for college.
Ryan and I took a day to be spontaneous and drove to Myrtle Beach SC and rode in a helicopter. It was so flippin' cool!

September

September nearly shattered me again. I didn't go in to details, but something happened that will change the course of our lives and it nearly broke me.
I turned 28 and time continued on. We spent the weekend with my parents at their new house.
And I did a random sort of post that talked about 9/11, football, Etsy shops and nail polish. Because, why not?
I got cast as Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet at the local Community College Theatre.

October

I blogged my frustrations in the form of a Cha Cha and the author of the quote commented on my entry, which was very touching.
Romeo and Juliet was cancelled three weeks before the show thanks to shoddy administration at the college.
I became a blogger with Influenster
My grandparents visited my parents for a few weeks so we went to see them and I learned some important family traditions.
My major nerd side came out with Back to the Future Day
Plus we had a pretty epic Halloween.

November

Ryan and I went to the Polish Festival in early November, where it was over 80 degrees.
We attended the USMC Birthday Ball.
Plus we spent Thanksgiving in South Carolina with Ryan's family.

December

We met my family in New Bern and went to Tryon Palace to see it for Christmas. It was in the 70s.
Plus we spent Christmas in New Jersey, which made my heart very happy.
I auditioned with another local community theatre (NOT at the college) and got cast as the Judge in John Grisham's A Time to Kill. The show will start rehearsing in January and go on in March.

So there you have it, my 2015 retrospect. I overly optimistically blogged in my 2014 retrospect that 2015 couldn't possibly get any worse... naive I know, but let's hope for sure 2016 is accurate in that. It will be a fantastic year. My stomach will settle, our lives and jobs will be ok, and everything will keep moving forward.

Happy New Year my friends.

All Over the Place

Time has been a tricky thing for me lately. With Ryan in cycle and me back at work it feels like there isn't really a set schedule for anything anymore... it's strange. I am now almost six weeks post op and feeling much better. On two occasions (naturally at four in the morning) my stomach rebelled something and I was up and sick for awhile and then off kilter for a few days, but I am just watching what I eat and going from there. Red meat and I may never have the same relationship, which kind of stinks. I only seem to handle the very expensive ground beef or burgers (93% or 97%), but roast beef, steak and anything else is a no go. I guess I can live with that.

Ryan is now in his second cycle as a combat instructor and this one is much better than the first (which was his training cycle). We still have periods of time where we don't see each other for a few days but there are those wonderful few that we get to hang out and spend some time together. After this cycle he will have some time on a normal work schedule since the busy season for SOI is over, which I am looking forward to.

I've been doing a lot of meal prepping on my days off, trying to cook lunches and dinners for the week for two people and doing the laundry and cleaning and grocery shopping; let's just say I remember days off being more relaxing than they have been as of late! Sometimes I feel like he is deployed again, but instead of maintaining a house and a life for just me it is for him too. He ghosts in exhausted; eats, showers and sleeps, and is gone again long before I wake up. I try to keep food in the fridge and the laundry clean and the house not a total disaster. I try not to get frustrated when mud tracks across the floor I just vacuumed or the laundry pile magically reappears as soon as I fold the last load, but it isn't easy. Not trying to complain by any means, I'd rather have him home in this capacity instead of deployed, but it can be exhausting at times trying to keep all the plates spinning.

Besides that my poor blog has been suffering for the past year or so. The community I was welcomed into years ago has drastically changed. I never have been one to blog for profit or into the business side of things, but I wonder if I missed out by not doing that. All the bloggers I started out with have pretty much stopped blogging. My readership is way down, comments and page views alike, and it is a bit depressing. I unfortunately do not have the time (and truth be told motivation) to go on a social media blitz or do some of the other things that extend into uber readership. I remember when blogging was more about sharing your story and personal relationships than networking and graphs and such. It's intimidating. I see blogs with thousands and thousands of followers and almost feel dizzy! That's a lot of pressure! Sometimes I think, I want to blog about this! but before I know it a week or two or three has passed and I have no idea what happened. How have I not come back to the space that was once my ultimate sanity?

I know this is all over the place... but I am still here. I am still trying to find my voice and write it down.

I hope you're still here too.

Lack of Blogging

I have had this blog for five years now. Five. Since 2009 I've been blogging about my life and my relationship with Ryan. I've used it to meet people from across the world, keep my family and friends up to date on life happenings, and talk about things that I need to get off my chest. I have blogged about Ryan's deployments, our engagement, our wedding, our four years of marriage, PCSing, acting, happy times, loss, sadness, job struggles... my life on a website.

And lately I feel like I have nothing to say.

My husband is home, we are waiting (once again) on the Marine Corps to tell us what is next (of anything at all), and things are basically routine. I have a full time job again where I do work some weekends and the time I am off I am basically spending with my husband. No big trips or exciting adventures lately... I am happy if we make it to the beach on our day off now... with our schedules and the weather being kind of crappy even that is rare.

I don't feel like anyone is interested in any of that anyway. Not anymore. The few times I have managed to write something lately I feel like it is just being sent out into the void. I miss the days when people would comment, start discussions... when my blogging friendships were a huge part of my life. These days I feel like all of the people around when I started have faded away for the most part. Some still blog, but I just wonder if I am clinging to something that should be let go.

Maybe something blogworthy will happen soon.

In the mean time, I am still here.

Slacking

I have been severely slacking on my blog lately. Sometimes I think, I should really blog about this... but then I don't. I have had more free time since the show ended, but I have been spending it with Ryan basically. And working. And back in the gym :P. I feel my blog suffering, I know I have lost readers (half my trip entries didn't even get a single comment) and I am not sure where to go from here really.

Do I want to keep this blog about me? Just something I enjoy, people read and interact on, and family can see a bit more of what we are up to? Or do I want to broaden my horizons... make it more about readership or even profit? Reviews and give aways and link ups... oh my! I honestly just don't know.

I have a lot on my mind at the moment and most of it really is not blogworthy. Ryan has een submitting his package for an SDA (or b-billet of sorts) to hopefully better his chances of picking up/staying in. He wants to be a security forces instructor but if that doesn't pan out then he will try for recruiting duty. Things keep getting shuffld and pushed around so we really have no idea what will happen, they won't even look at things until May. Hurry up and wait once again.

I am applying for a higher position within the library, a level two position that is full time in reference. As much as I love working in tech services the extra money of going up a level and to full time will really help us out. I have my interview Tuesday, so fingers crossed!

At the moment I am working circulation for the weekend... Easter weekend. I am pretty bummed to be working Easter, full hours, but they have been so accomodating with my schedule (between our trip, weddings and other things) I wouldn't dare complain. Easter is a special time for me (being Catholic and all) so I am trying to do everything I can while still working. Pisanki were made last night, mass is still being attended, and tons of smidgens are being eaten. It's a start right?

 

Ryan's pisanki are the four in the top row, mine are the five on the bottom row.

For all of you still around, thanks for sticking with me. I don't want to abandon my blog, four years of my life have gone into this thing, but I hope I will invigorate it a bit more in the near future.

Stay tuned my friends.

And Happy Easter.

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Getting Bit

I have had this blog for almost four years now and for the first time the internet has bitten me in the you know what. And it bit hard.

An extremely popular facebook page (with 294,427 likes plus 2,499,433 talking about it) shared an old joke about a Sgt Major and a young college liberal female that is rather crude. It's been heard before, whatever. The problem is they posted a picture of my grandfather and I taken at a ball in 2006 with said joke. Someone contacted me on my facebook page for my blog, which I really do appreciate, and made me aware of this.

I went and saw the post and I am not going to lie, I cried. I still feel sick to my stomach and it kills me. No, people on the internet should not matter, but this got to me. The post has over 12,000 likes, 1,128 comments and 6,382 shares. My Poppy and me are all over the internet. A man who has loyally served his country and also been married for 65 years is in a defaming post from a picture my cousin took of us seven years ago. So as much as it kills me to be called ugly sixteen different ways it kills me even more that the most honorable man I have ever met has become internet fodder through no fault of his own.

I commented asking the picture to be removed and I messaged the group page owner. It is still up. Some people have commented after me asking it to be removed and have shown their support, which I am so grateful for, but I feel so sick still. I finally filed a copyright violation through facebook and reported the post.

But at this point, even if it is removed, that picture has been shared nearly 7,000 times. I doubt deleting the original post will delete all the posts that shared it after. And I am sure those shares were shared. Honeslty I am now crying again as I type this at 2 o'clock in the morning. I know the page owner probably just google searched for an older Sgt Major and a young girl to use and it isn't a personal attack, but it has become one.

People have commented saying terrible things. I have been called ugly and insulted up and down left and right. And it hurts. No one should have strangers pick you apart on the internet. Especially when you're in an early awkward college phase and your eyebrows aren't as thin as you'd like or the lighting is low in a ball room. Either I am ugly or they comment on my presurger chest size or they call me a tag chaser, pension whore and a slut.

It is literally killing me.

I just pray my Poppy never, ever finds out about this.

Looking at the comments was a mistake, but I couldn't help it. I also noticed my step cousin, a fan of the page, early on caught the picture and commented jumping to our defense. Thank you Michael. But now hundreds of comments have followed and even my own was covered. I was polite and just asked it to be removed. Now four hours later it is still up and the page has posted new content within the last hour so I know they have had a chance to see my message (and ignore it) so I reported it.

Again, thank you for those who commented their support. I pray this is removed and something like this never happens again. For the first time since starting this blog.... I regret it.

2012 Retrospect

I have done these the past two years and I do actually enjoy it, pain in the butt as it may be! Check out 2010 and 2011 if you're interested.

2012
January

Ryan returns to 29 Palms after the new year and I become a single puppy mommy to Rylie. I almost break down after the first night. But it is funny now...
I get into a routine with Rylie and finally sleep again. Man that was a rocky start!
I actually discuss a hot button topic, a rarity for me.
It is a small world and a smaller Marine Corps. Priorities.
I am so unbelievably lucky. This may have been one of my hardest blogs to write but it one of my top favorites now. If you read anything in this post, read this one.

February

Just as I hit my stride with Rylie she gets sick and I feel like a bad puppy mom again.
We find out we are moving to Camp LeJeune North Carolina when Ryan graduates.
I spend Valentine's Day with a porker pup at the vet... she was a good date! Just a check up!
Ryan catches up to me and turns 24. I fly out to Vegas for the long weekend and to see him around his birthday time. Roulette, gucci and cirque du soleil make a great weekend!
I hit the one year mark post surgery of my breast reduction.
I discuss buying our house and the crazy way we did it, sight unseen.

March

Carrie and I attend the Alexandria Saint Patrick's Day Parade.
My Uncle Dave comes to visit and takes Rylie and I on a photo tour of the monuments.
My second article is published on SpouseBUZZ.
I get my first of what will be many cases of writer's block.
Rylie hurts her leg, once again hitting the little puppy mom confidence I have.

April

My mom and I go to New Jersey with Rylie for Easter. Too busy to blog now but I get to it a month later!
I travel to 29 Palms to be a guest speaker at SpouseBUZZ Live! And I get to see Ryan!
We begin our PCS so I have guest bloggers including, My Mom, Handling with Grace, and Mommy Musings.

Ryan and Rylie and I are all reunited and we PCS! And it takes lots of blogging as we super speed fix up our new house.

May

We continue to settle in to our new house with lots of yard work, decorating, and picture hanging.
We celebrate our second wedding anniversary at the beach! A perk to this new duty station!
Rylie goes to the beach for the first time.
I do the Milspouse Blog Hop of 2012
My Coca Cola Bathroom comes together after lots of work and waiting
For the first time we spend Mother's Day with BOTH of our mom's at Ryan's family's house in SC.

I get "homesick" for Alexandria, my job and DC.
We start working out and eating right which leads me to an I Love Lucy -esque expidetion to find a fish.
I talk about Memorial Day

June

Ryan goes into the field for a week so I drive out to Western NC to see my family for a mini vacation.
The last of our new furniture finally arrives.
I do my first book review on a book I normally wouldn't pick out myself but loved it.
The Dup gets VERY destructive.
I Bug Out a little... and a snake.
I write my last SpouseBUZZ article for some time, writers block indeed.

July

Our family goes through a rough time for a bit.
We spend the 4th of July weekend in Charleston, SC.
I get a little pissy about an article on jobs for milspouses.
And I get pretty down for a bit. July was a roller coaster for me for sure. My blog started taking it's hit around this time.

August

My grandparents have their 65th wedding anniversary and my Poppy turns 90. So we took a huge trip up to NJ at the end of July/beginning of August and I blog a lot about it. Part 1 - Coney Island. Part 2 - Poppy's 90th Birthday. Part 3 - Babci and Poppy's Anniversary with a quick trip to Alexandria on the way home!

We go to the beach, collect shark teeth, and hit up the Shrimp Festival with Nicole and Danny. We do stuff!
My routine changes. I start ballet with Breanna and I get cast as Mollie in The Mousetrap at the community theatre!!!!
I start rehearsals and meet new people and get to act again. Hooray! And I donate blood and nearly pass out at one of said rehearsals. Oops!

September

We go to New Bern for the first time and our first wedding since our own!
I turn 25 and hit my quarter century mark. And my birthday party rocks.
I hit another rut of sorts.

October

I try to prompt myself to blog with Wishful Wednesdays. Doesn't last long.
We visit Ryan's family over Columbas Day weekend.
We go to the Mum Fest in New Bern. Amazing.

The Mousetrap has opening night!

 And one or two SNAFUs along the way.

My mom comes for the show and stays a week... we go to the beach and hang out and Rylie turns one!

Hurricane Sandy barely touches here, just wind, but hits my home state of Jersey really hard. Ryan is in Louisiana visiting a friend.

We spend Halloween at home with sadly not many trick or treaters.

November

Ryan and I have a blast at the St. Stan's Polish Festival.
I wait in line a LONG time to vote.
We spend a weekend in the mountains visiting my parents.

The 237th USMC Birthday Ball... great time!

December

I blog about November! Thanksgiving 2012 in SC with Ryan's family.
A Day in the Life of a TV Extra also happened in November, oops.

I get my first job interview since moving... fingers crossed!!!
We spend Christmas 2012 with my family in the mountains.

And obviously we all survived the Mayans! Well, I hope we did, because this is a pre-published post and I will feel silly writing this if we didn't.

2012 had its ups and sadly a few downs, but I have the highest of hopes for 2013. Happy New Year!