• Allie and Ryan

    Allie & Ryan

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    Allie & Ryan

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    Allie & Ryan

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    Allie & Ryan

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    Allie & Ryan

Monday, September 17, 2012

Aimless. Wordless.

Ever have the every day trivial things just overwhelm you?

Have you ever wanted to throw your routine in the air, set it on fire, and start over?

Or maybe do something out there and crazy, just because?

I feel a little aimless lately. Job worries, household duties, cooking, rehearsal... just turned 25. Quarter life crisis much? At times I am bursting at the seams to go out and do something new, try something, take a risk. Other times I want to hide under our bed and not leave the house.

I never had anxiety issues before but sometimes even just driving to the store I want to cry and run back home. Being in our house for four months and not having a routine where I would leave it often has made me too attached. It is my security blanket. And when I am home sometimes I want to claw the walls and get out, do something.... but then I feel like I can't breathe and I just want to race back.

Not always. It comes and goes.

Ballet has helped. Rehearsal has helped.

But I feel a little lost. Without purpose. I haven't been unemployed this long since I started working as a young teen. Babysitting to after school care to theatre camps and camp counselor to retail to theatre to assistant pharmacist to camp counselor again and then my last job in executive real estate.

Here I am not qualified for things because I only answered the phone for two years instead of three. Nothing else would excite or make me happy.... retail, restaurants, call centers.... long hours of nights and weekends away from my husband for what? More money? We pay our bills, we still go out to eat occassionally.... the drive isn't there as much as it once was.

My blog has suffered. I am lucky if I blog once a week these days when it used to be constant and wonderful. I haven't written for SpouseBUZZ in months because I don't know what to say. What advice can a stay at home wife offer to these spouses who need help when she can barely help herself?

I love my husband and I feel like I am letting him down.

I feel like I am in a rut sometimes and it scares the heck out of me.


  1. I feel the same way sometimes. But you're not letting anyone down, and it will pass!

  2. I totally went/go thru this... hold you're head up!

  3. I'm not in the exact situation, but I do get very frustrated and start to feel purposeless very often. All I can say, is that it'll get better. At least, that's what they tell me :)

  4. I hate that feeling. I get hit my aimlessness sometimes... you'll pull through!

  5. I have dealt with anxiety off and on for years. It has even got to the point where I hate to leave my house. It really stinks to feel that way and just feel helpless to get rid of the feeling. Hopefully you will find a job you love soon and it will work itself out.


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