Tarnished

At the moment I feel like a reverse King Midas. Everything I touch tarnishes. Maybe I am just being over dramatic and ridiculous, but I am not having an easy time as of late. (Ok, and I am extremely PMS if you must know, it is SO not helping)

Examples?

I was supposed to be an extra in an independent film on Saturday. Well it is getting to be later in the week and I haven't heard a peep out of the company. I go on Facebook and see that they posted something along the lines of "The party scene has been rescheduled due to storm damage. If you are on the call sheet you received an email about this last week." I comment saying I never received any email, just phone confirmation after the audition. They tell me they had a major database glitch and some people were deleted and that they are working to fix it. But at this point I doubt they will even use me. I am sure my spot was filled after my "deletion" so I am not bothering to get my hopes up. I was so excited. I miss acting so much and I was really looking forward to this. Tarnished.

Again, I was supposed to have a phone interview last week for an amazing job that I was really looking forward to trying to get. The only phone interview I had before (Disney) they called me. Maybe it was stupid of me to assume that was how it works... but the time for the interview comes and no call. I call the interviewer maybe fifteen/twenty minutes later after finding her number in my email and leave a voicemail. Then I emailed her that evening. And again this morning. Maybe because I made an assumption I looked incompetent and burned a bridge before I could even start to cross it. Tarnished.

I have enough rejection letters from jobs that I can wallpaper our bathroom. If we were needing money I know I could go back to retail or anything shift work like, but after being apart for nine months Ryan and I do not want me to have a job that has me work nights and weekends when he works weekdays. We'd never see each other. So my framed college diploma is gathering dust in its frame on the wall in the office as I do laundry, vacuum, clean, cook, watch the dog and run miscellaneous errands. I miss having a job I enjoyed, where I felt a sense of purpose. At this point retail may be my only option so we will just have to suck it up and I will have to work some nights and weekends just to have something on my resume. Something to get me out of the house. Something that will not make me feel like having a fight with my husband on washing the crock pot is the end of the world. Tarnished.

Couple all that with a million mosquito bites, poison ivy and a break out rival to what I had when I was in high school and my self confidence has plummeted. I may have gained weight too.... I can't tell. We don't own a scale but I think I have. Tarnished.

My blog has suffered because I honestly just have not had anything to write about. I refuse to turn this place into a ranting release every entry. I guess I can have one now and then, but I don't want that to be all I do. So the blog may be stepping back until I have something worth writing about. Tarnished.

Thanks for sticking with me. Now, I need to go find some oil and untarnish this big ol' mess of mine.