2015 Retrospect

Every year I try and do a retrospect post of all the things that have happened in the past year. Last year was a rough year and I was very optimistic going in to 2015 that this year would be better than the last. Unfortunately 2015 ended up being a rough year for us as well. I didn't blog a lot, but between losing our first pregnancy, marital troubles, legal issues and other things, 2015 was pretty harsh too. I hope I do not sound like a broken record when I say I hope 2016 is a better year and I make you all positively nauseous with how great it becomes, but here is hoping.

Past retrospects:
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010

January

We spent New Years in the mountains with my family since we didn't see them for Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. Unfortunately I had horrendous gall bladder attacks the entire weekend and could barely move.

We also took our first trip to a local favorite, Mike's Farm, as pictured above.

Ryan and I decided to go in for a Tune Up of sorts.

Ryan had his IUT (or Training) Cycle as an instructor with SOI-E.

At the end of the month I finally had surgery to remove my gallbladder, hoping my stomach issues would subside. Not the case.

February

I spent most of February pretty sick recovering from my surgery at the end of January.

But we did manage to have a nice Valentine's Day together before I went back to work.

I spent the rest of the month sick, on and off, trying to gather myself.

March

Ryan was still going through cycles with work and I was still sick.
I did take some time to do a rare craft post on this blog with my wine cork wreath.

April

April things got better.
We spent a nice, quiet Easter together at home.
My brother Stefan came and spent his Spring Break with us.
And we attended our first Dining In together, which was a nice excuse to dress up!

May

In May we were officially gutted as my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage on our fifth wedding anniversary. It was truly devastating. 

June

I went to my first ever Jane Wayne Day or, In Their Boots Day, as it is now called.
I blogged a bit more about our loss.
My baby brother graduated high school.

July

I didn't blog a lot in July, but I did a quick update with the 4th of July and the birth of our niece.
To get away for awhile I joined my parents, brother, aunt, uncle, and cousins at the OBX.

August

Stefan came and spent another week with us in August before he left for college.
Ryan and I took a day to be spontaneous and drove to Myrtle Beach SC and rode in a helicopter. It was so flippin' cool!

September

September nearly shattered me again. I didn't go in to details, but something happened that will change the course of our lives and it nearly broke me.
I turned 28 and time continued on. We spent the weekend with my parents at their new house.
And I did a random sort of post that talked about 9/11, football, Etsy shops and nail polish. Because, why not?
I got cast as Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet at the local Community College Theatre.

October

I blogged my frustrations in the form of a Cha Cha and the author of the quote commented on my entry, which was very touching.
Romeo and Juliet was cancelled three weeks before the show thanks to shoddy administration at the college.
I became a blogger with Influenster
My grandparents visited my parents for a few weeks so we went to see them and I learned some important family traditions.
My major nerd side came out with Back to the Future Day
Plus we had a pretty epic Halloween.

November

Ryan and I went to the Polish Festival in early November, where it was over 80 degrees.
We attended the USMC Birthday Ball.
Plus we spent Thanksgiving in South Carolina with Ryan's family.

December

We met my family in New Bern and went to Tryon Palace to see it for Christmas. It was in the 70s.
Plus we spent Christmas in New Jersey, which made my heart very happy.
I auditioned with another local community theatre (NOT at the college) and got cast as the Judge in John Grisham's A Time to Kill. The show will start rehearsing in January and go on in March.

So there you have it, my 2015 retrospect. I overly optimistically blogged in my 2014 retrospect that 2015 couldn't possibly get any worse... naive I know, but let's hope for sure 2016 is accurate in that. It will be a fantastic year. My stomach will settle, our lives and jobs will be ok, and everything will keep moving forward.

Happy New Year my friends.

28

Sometimes life takes a sharp, unexpected turn to a place you never expect. It punches you simultaneously in the face and the gut and it is heart wrenching and awful... especially since you really cannot talk about it (or especially blog about).

 

But regardless of such things, life does continue moving forward. Birthdays happen even in the hardest of times and sometimes you just have to put on a sombrero and smile with whipped cream on your nose.

 

I was super fortunate to spend the weekend with my parents in their new house only a few hours away (2 and a half as opposed to the 7 it used to be). I got my nails done with my mom, and went out for Mexican food, and had home made birthday cake. So when you have all that, you really cannot complain.

 

Especially when you realize the restaurant your parents take you too habitually shove that pile of whipped cream in your face on your birthday and you learn sitting inside a booth is the only thing that saved you from that fate... a bit on your nose is totally ok.

 

And it is even better when your Dad agrees to wear the sombrero for a bit.

 

 

We spent time in the pool (salt water!) and the Dup absolutely loved it. If we were in, she had to be in as well, regardless of how tired she was.

 

Sunday I went to church for the first time since before my miscarriage. It helped. It seemed like the priest knew I was there and his homily was so direct to my heart and situation. There are no coincidences was part of the message. He also talked about Stephen Colbert (of all things, as well as JRR Tolkein) who lost his two brothers and father in a plane crash when he was eight years old, which I did not know. Colbert was quoted in an article saying "What she [his mother] taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not no pain—it’s that the pain is actually a gift." 

 

Pain is a gift. What a powerful message. Thank you.

 

Sunday night we had cake and presents before having to head back home since Ryan had work Monday.

But today I am 28 officially. I am at work, grateful for coworkers who come in on their day off to bring you Dunkin Donuts (thank you Lauren!) and for friends and family blowing up my phone and Facebook to wish me a Happy Birthday.

 

Life will keep moving forward.... just send some good thoughts/prayers my way if you can spare them please. And thank you Lord for another trip around the sun.

All Over the Place

Time has been a tricky thing for me lately. With Ryan in cycle and me back at work it feels like there isn't really a set schedule for anything anymore... it's strange. I am now almost six weeks post op and feeling much better. On two occasions (naturally at four in the morning) my stomach rebelled something and I was up and sick for awhile and then off kilter for a few days, but I am just watching what I eat and going from there. Red meat and I may never have the same relationship, which kind of stinks. I only seem to handle the very expensive ground beef or burgers (93% or 97%), but roast beef, steak and anything else is a no go. I guess I can live with that.

Ryan is now in his second cycle as a combat instructor and this one is much better than the first (which was his training cycle). We still have periods of time where we don't see each other for a few days but there are those wonderful few that we get to hang out and spend some time together. After this cycle he will have some time on a normal work schedule since the busy season for SOI is over, which I am looking forward to.

I've been doing a lot of meal prepping on my days off, trying to cook lunches and dinners for the week for two people and doing the laundry and cleaning and grocery shopping; let's just say I remember days off being more relaxing than they have been as of late! Sometimes I feel like he is deployed again, but instead of maintaining a house and a life for just me it is for him too. He ghosts in exhausted; eats, showers and sleeps, and is gone again long before I wake up. I try to keep food in the fridge and the laundry clean and the house not a total disaster. I try not to get frustrated when mud tracks across the floor I just vacuumed or the laundry pile magically reappears as soon as I fold the last load, but it isn't easy. Not trying to complain by any means, I'd rather have him home in this capacity instead of deployed, but it can be exhausting at times trying to keep all the plates spinning.

Besides that my poor blog has been suffering for the past year or so. The community I was welcomed into years ago has drastically changed. I never have been one to blog for profit or into the business side of things, but I wonder if I missed out by not doing that. All the bloggers I started out with have pretty much stopped blogging. My readership is way down, comments and page views alike, and it is a bit depressing. I unfortunately do not have the time (and truth be told motivation) to go on a social media blitz or do some of the other things that extend into uber readership. I remember when blogging was more about sharing your story and personal relationships than networking and graphs and such. It's intimidating. I see blogs with thousands and thousands of followers and almost feel dizzy! That's a lot of pressure! Sometimes I think, I want to blog about this! but before I know it a week or two or three has passed and I have no idea what happened. How have I not come back to the space that was once my ultimate sanity?

I know this is all over the place... but I am still here. I am still trying to find my voice and write it down.

I hope you're still here too.

Lack of Blogging

I have had this blog for five years now. Five. Since 2009 I've been blogging about my life and my relationship with Ryan. I've used it to meet people from across the world, keep my family and friends up to date on life happenings, and talk about things that I need to get off my chest. I have blogged about Ryan's deployments, our engagement, our wedding, our four years of marriage, PCSing, acting, happy times, loss, sadness, job struggles... my life on a website.

And lately I feel like I have nothing to say.

My husband is home, we are waiting (once again) on the Marine Corps to tell us what is next (of anything at all), and things are basically routine. I have a full time job again where I do work some weekends and the time I am off I am basically spending with my husband. No big trips or exciting adventures lately... I am happy if we make it to the beach on our day off now... with our schedules and the weather being kind of crappy even that is rare.

I don't feel like anyone is interested in any of that anyway. Not anymore. The few times I have managed to write something lately I feel like it is just being sent out into the void. I miss the days when people would comment, start discussions... when my blogging friendships were a huge part of my life. These days I feel like all of the people around when I started have faded away for the most part. Some still blog, but I just wonder if I am clinging to something that should be let go.

Maybe something blogworthy will happen soon.

In the mean time, I am still here.

A Day in the Life

I have seen a lot of bloggers do a 'Day in the Life' posts and last Wednesday I decided to give it a try! With my phone in hand I did my best. I took a lot more pictures than I expected to and I still didn't get as much as some other bloggers I read (way to go guys, you made it seem easy!) but I tried. So here we go....

When I wake up in the morning I usually hit snooze two or three times check the weather and my email on my phone...

And if I have time usually I peek at the Chive too. Ryan got me hooked on the site/app and I have become a huge chivette. He only has himself to blame! I purposely picked this picture because there is the Genie. In Latte Art. Awesome.

Usually by now the Dup comes sauntering in to our room from the couch (which she sneaks out in the middle of the night to do, NOT allowed) or wiggles out from under the bed. We do a puppy stretch before going outside. 

She has her morning potty break and usually runs around until she hears the magical B word...
 

Breakfast!!! This dog knows the words dinner and breakfast by heart. We use them sparingly in our house.

While she eats I usually head to the bathroom and start my shower.

But without fail she finds me when she is done eating. Rylie loves to curl right up near the shower so when you emerge to reach your towel you practically have to leap over her and pray you don't twist an ankle. But it is cute.

My beauty routine is pretty low key... eye shadow and cover up (never expected to have such awful skin at 25, really acne?) and trusty chapstick.

Most mornings I do blow dry my hair. The Dup hates the blow dryer but she has to be close by regardless. Afterall, the loud handheld machine may attack Mommy at any moment.

Once I am ready for work the Dup and I go outside for a rousing game of fetch. Such a lab.... she loves tennis balls and running back and forth until she cannot stand up any more. Now that the weather is warmer I should start doing morning walks with her... but fetch seems to be a hit.

As it gets time for me to go I say, "Time for work! You want a treat?" and the next thing I know she is patiently waiting in her crate for a milkbone. Oh that face. I hate to leave her but we gotta pay the bills!

At this point I am in the car. Ugh. I hate taking selfies, but for the blog, why not?

My commute is so lovely... ten or fifteen minutes max. I am post rush hour and never have any problems. So I usually get to work pretty early.

I open the library, sometimes myself, sometimes with coworkers. This particular Wednesday was our monthly staff meeting day. I was blessed to go to the afternoon meeting this month so I opened alone. The morning meeting does mean going home earlier, but it also means fighting gate traffic to be at the main library for 8:30. Any milspouses out there know the hell that is gate traffic and understand my kvetching there! Back to opening the library... I normally turn on my computer first so I can clock in and have my systems open to check in books and read my email. KCCO!

I then turn on all the computers for the patrons and start emptying the dehumidifiers. We have an OLD building (like it was a barracks in the 1940s old) so these are essential. Without the dehumidifiers we get tons of mold, not just on the walls but in the books too, so we cannot have that. On rainy days and in the summer we empty these babies morning and night, sometimes in the middle too on bad days. In the winter rarely at all. But yay for moldy water?

As I am opening the library I usally prepare my breakfast... a bagel or a freshly microwaved strawberry poptart. Breakfast of champions, I know, but I am not really big on eating in the morning.

As that heats up I kid you not I take a moment to stop and smell the books. I LOVE the smell of books, especially old ones. And if I am standing in the non fiction section I get it in droves. I heard they make a candle with book smell, I may have to buy it. I have a problem. I honestly thought I failed my interview for this job when I gushed about how I love the smell of books. Only once I was hired did I learn that both my manager and coworker said the same thing in their interview so they knew I'd work out! ;)

Once we open I am at the desk working on my project. I am currently making a running list of all the book series we have in the library. I am doing the name of the author, the series and listing all the books plus marking which ones we have and which ones we should order. This week we were also logging what we did at work every fifteen minutes to show the government how busy we are and how having us understaffed is not a good thing. Thank you sequestration! You know how tedious it is to track yourself all day for fifteen minute incriments? And the week before a long weekend? It was rough.

Then in the early afternoon I got to drive over to mainside for the staff meeting.

My coworker came back from the morning meeting with a huge cherry slushie for me, so naturally I took it with me to my meeting for refreshment purposes.

This meeting rocked because there was cake for all the May birthdays and anniversaries. Man, I love cake.

Unfortunately our meeting ran long which meant when I was going back to work I got caught in afternoon rush hour gate traffic. No bueno. Sigh.

When I got back to work I took a late lunch (practically dinner). Every lunch I take I fully abuse my library aid status and read a book. Wouldn't you? And before you ask, no, we cannot read on the clock. I wish!

I usually eat my food in the staff room then go outside, especially if it is nice, to read the rest of my break. I also fully enjoy the ospreys flying overhead.

The afternoons and evenings are the busiest at our branch so I took no pictures. Fail I know, but I never have my phone on me at the desk. I keep it in the office and only check it sparingly. So I worked on my project and helped patrons until it was closing time. Also no pictures.... but it was basically the same as opening any way.

I then ran to the exchange real quick to grab some bad habits for the hubby and I before heading home.

Again, I miss rush hour so my commute is pretty smooth!

I love the nights Ryan gets home before me and dinner is ready when I get home. It doesn't happen a lot so I relish the nights it does. No one wants to cook at 7:30 when they walk in the door! Technically tonight was leftover spaghetti he brought me home from a command dinner, but it was from Olive Garden so I was a happy camper. Man I drink a lot of Diet Coke...

Evenings, especially weeknights, we mostly just cuddle on the couch and watch TV. Favorites include How I Met Your Mother, the Big Bang Theory, and our newest favorite Duck Dynasty.

I had to be stealthy taking pictures of Mr. "I hate having my picture taken" so you get a semi artsy sillouette shot of my husband as we watch Duck Dynasty.

Then we move to the garage, sometimes with a glass of wine or a beer, and smoke and talk about our day. It is one of my favorite parts of the day (not because of addictive substances) because we really have some awesome conversations/debates during this hour or two leading up to bed time. Ryan was checking our investments (a very popular topic in our garage) so I got to sneak this one.

By this time it is late enough for bed. Generally I make our lunches and coffee for Ryan in the morning as we slowly unwind.

The Dup comes in and we all hunker down for the night.... usually with Rylie diving under our bed and making herself comfortable. Our house has no boogey man, we have a Dup.

So that is a semi-typical day in the life of me. Not the most thrilling, but it was fun to see and track and try for one entry. What is a day in your life like?



(I realize I am posting this a week after my putting it together, my blog app was giving me issues! Hopefully I can blog about our wonderful weekend in Jersey this week and get that up for you all. Thanks for reading!)