Coming Soon!

 

If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you've already seen the news, but we are expecting! I am officially due August 5, so I am about 13 weeks now. I found out just before Thanksgiving (literally that Monday) so I haven't blogged a lot lately because I knew I would spill the beans! Our families are as excited as we are and we feel so blessed that we were finally able to conceive after trying since July 2014 and losing a pregnancy early on last May.

Now, my thyroid does complicate matters. The doctor I mentioned that spotted my levels and ordered me on immediate medication? My midwife! Thankfully she got me on a high dose of Synthroid ASAP. My rheumatologist really dropped the ball by saying my levels were a little wonky but should be ok, just to mention it to my OBGYN when I saw them. I should have started treatment immediately (over a month before I actually did) and I am very annoyed by the way that all went down.

I officially saw an Endocrinologist last week and was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism, which is an autoimmune hypothyroid disorder. We are super concerned on how this could affect the baby and are keeping a close eye on things. My endocrinologist told me with my levels it was a miracle I was able to get pregnant at all, let alone carry as far as I did without treatment. I am convinced we have a little fighter for that and hoping for a healthy baby more than anything else. When we do the anatomy scan we just have to make sure that everything formed properly organ wise and there is a risk of low IQ.... but I am trying super hard not to stress about those possibilities.  That's the main reason I am so angry with my rheumatologist, I could have started treatment when I was six weeks pregnant instead of ten and a half. The baby uses my thyroid for at least the first twenty weeks so let's just hope all will be well. My doctor mentioned he has seen women later in their pregnancies with worse levels than mine have perfectly healthy babies, but he won't put my risk level at 0%... so any prayers, good thoughts, or karma you can spare for our little Bean are most appreciated.

We are still over the moon and I cannot wait to continue on this journey!



Better

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

- Isaiah 41:10

Things are better. My family had not one but two miracles this weekend. At least in my opinion. I won't share too much for the sake of privacy but one diagnosis for my aunt went from the worst possible to a fighting chance and the other for my poppy is amazing. My poppy, my beloved poppy, was not doing well. Yesterday he had a pacemaker put in and he is doing a thousand percent better. All the symptoms he's had for months are fixed from this miracle machine. It's incredible. So please keep my family in your prayers a little longer. We aren't out of the woods yet but we are getting closer to the other side. With my medicine my back has been feeling more manageable too, I can only hope it continues to get better. 

All last week my mom was visiting. It was a blessing. Friday we drove down to my mother in law's house and spent the night all together. I loved spending time with them both. My dad and brother came yesterday and we had dinner together before my family went home. I'm still at my mother in law's until tomorrow and I have loved my time with my family this week. It made things much more bearable. Thank you all. 

I am hopeful again. I'm thanking God for helping my family. I will continue to pray and say thank you. 

Thank you thank you thank you. 

 

When it Rains

It pours.

And I don't just mean the weather. 

I know I haven't blogged a lot lately. I'm working again with hopefully back pay coming later, but no paycheck in sight. I pulled my back out and may have a herniated disc but won't know for weeks. Lots of pain meds. Luckily my mom is here this week. 

For other reasons too. We have a lot going on in my mom's family right now. I don't want to go into detail yet even though some if you know. Thank you for all the kind words you have sent my way. 

Please pray for my family. We desperately need it right now. It feels worse without Ryan here to lean on but I know he's sending lots of love across the world to me. So please, send prayers, karma, good thoughts or whatever you believe. We need it. 

Thank you all so much. 

 

Wishful Wednesdays

When your mom calls you and tells you that you have been neglecting your blog it is time to write again. My life has been busy, but not interesting. Writing just hasn't been there and I have been lacking in picture taking. Daily life revolves around keeping up with the house, playing with The Dup (aka Rylie), rehearsals, and quality time with my husband. I rehearse every evening from 6-10 and he barely sees me once he gets home. It is only temporary, I mean the show is in less than three weeks at this point, but I know we both don't like missing out on time together.

So I decided to come up with this prompt to make myself write, even if it happens once a week it will bring me back until my motivation fully returns.

Wishful Wednesday. Simple. What are you wishing for these days? It can be big, small, or anything in between. These are my wishes for the time being...

I Wish....

Super Ty could have a miracle. I have read this blog for years and it is breaking my heart. Please pray for Ty and his family during this incredibly difficult time.

Rylie would listen. This dog is driving me crazy and just not listening. She listens to Ryan more than me, but even that is dwindling.

The show goes well. It is getting into crunch time and the butterflies are coming!

I could find a day job I love. Nearly impossible in this town.

I could make money acting. I love it and I don't mind in the least doing this show for free, but it would be nice to be paid to do what I love!

My house could vacuum itself.

It would stop raining so Rylie can be in the backyard without looking like a chocolate lab.

I had a killer fall wardrobe... and a need for one. SAHW really don't need to look good.

and last but not least...

I wish my blogging motivation would return. I miss blogging and feeling like I had a purpose. I miss writing for SpouseBUZZ. I wish for more purpose.

What are you wishing for these days?

Always Remember

I don't think I can say much more than I did last year and the year before, but I will always remember 9/11. My heart and prayers go out to all the victims and their families who are still in pain, missing their loved ones eleven years later.

My little brotehr and I the weekend before 9/11. We went to the Staute of Liberty and Ellis Island for the first time.

The new Freedom Tower, slowly being built.

Thank you

Thank you all for the kind comments you gave me on my last wreck of an entry. Blogging on no sleep while very emotional sometimes causes an entry to be a bit of a mess! But I appreciate all of you for helping me.

That day when I got home from work I called my mom and, surprise surprise, cried to her for about an hour. When I hung up the phone I tried to drag Rylie's crate out of my room but it wouldn't fit through the door. Typical. I was crying again. Then my neighbor Adam came and knocked on the door to drop something off for me. He saw the tears running down my blotchy red face and I think I may have scared him a bit!

"Are you ok?"
"Nooooooo!"

The whole thing poured out and still in his uniform from work Adam helped me move the cardboard divider in the crate and fold it up and drag it into the dining room. Sure it isn't pretty in there, but I am not having any dinner parties anytime soon! After that I took Rylie to PetSmart for more food and she nearly gave me a heart attack when she jumped out of the moving shopping cart! This coming from the pup who won't even jump in and out of the car yet! She made tons of new friends of course and I got her a big ol' candy cane rawhide since it was 'Christmas' and 75% off. She loves it!



We got home and played a bit but she started dozing in the living room and kitchen. Even though it was 8:40 I was exhausted so I put her in the crate, covered it, went in my room and turned on the air conditioner and shut the door. She whined for maybe five minutes and then was blissfully silent. Ryan called and I (surprise) cried to him before passing out long before 10pm. Rylie barked around midnight so I took her out, she went, came back inside and went in the crate. Minimal whining. Repeat at 4am and then at 7:20am when I got up. Bliss!

Since then she goes to bed around ten (um, as do I...) and wakes up maybe once at 4 and then 7:20 to eat breakfast. Saturday she did that and then slept again until 10:30am. I was ecstatic. Last night she went to bed at 10 and woke up at 715!!!! Whew! If this keeps up I shall be a happy furbaby mommy.

Saturday my friend Cat came over and we took Rylie into Old Town. We literally could not walk more than five feet without people going "Oh my goodness a pippy! How old is she? What is her name? Can we pet her? She is SO cute!" So our conversation was a little stilted to say the least. When we got to the Starbucks at the bottom of King Street Cat went in to get is some drinks and we were practically mobbed! Then we met Fred.



Fred is a Great Dane. Rylie was smaller than his head!



He was super sweet and Rylie was running around him and on him playing, losing interest and bounding away and then bounding back again. We had a crowd of people come watch and even start taking pictures on their phones! I wonder now if Rylie is randomly on the internet somewhere...

Then Cat and I went and sat in the park and just talked. It was nice. Rylie romped a bit and then curled up in my lap to nap. Then in Cat's.



When we walked back to the car Rylie passed out in Cat's lap in the front seat! I woke her up for dinner and we got to Tango with Daddy for a bit. Then I put her in her crate, no fuss, and Carrie and I walked up to Southside for dinner. When I came back we walked around again and she passed out around ten. Bliss.

Today was low key, I went to church and the grocery store, Rylie napped and chewed things.

Overall Rylie's downtime is spent watching tv...



Sitting in my lap...



And catching her own tail in unusual ways...




So things are getting better. I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed, but it is definitely getting better. I love that little pain in the butt! Thanks for your advice once again, and if you don't mind continuing to send good thoughts and prayers our way, I'd appreciate it!

When Prayers Are Answered

I cannot thank you ladies enough for the kind comments you left me. It has been hectic crazy, but I plan on going through my email soon and replying to each and every one of you. (Also: I did not mean to imply anyone who wants to EAS does so in a negative manner. I know there are people with families who want to get out and do a different line of work or go to school, I did not mean them. It is more something that is very prevalent at 8th and I where a lot of people just have no desire to be there and cannot wait to just get out. They have given up on the Corps and are very negative towards it. )

We went to church yesterday and I kneeled down and prayed harder than I had in a long, long time. I think the last time I prayed so hard was when Ryan was in Iraq. I saw my husband praying too. I paid attention the entire mass, no wandering thoughts for this girl. (You know, sometimes when the sunbeam hits the priest's head in just the right way and reflects off and you wander with the sunbeam... it happens!) Ryan had his arm around me or held my hand the entire mass. We prayed together. For an answer, a solution, something to get us through.

During mass they discussed an upcoming retreat and Ryan shocked the hell out of me when he said he wanted to go. Sadly when we looked at the information table we saw it was the weekend of our first wedding anniversary and decided against it. But I had another idea. Lent is a time of abstaining, sacrifice, and alms giving in the Catholic church. Ryan already gave up all alcohol for lent (gotta love my Baptist husband, I never expected him to do this with me!) except for wine (because Jesus drank it) and I gave up soda.

Well we agreed this week we were going to give up wine as well. Sacrifice/Abstaining. And we decided to go to the 7pm nightly mass every day this week. Also a sacrifice of sorts. We also grabbed an bag to make an Easter basket for newborns and moms to bring back next week. When we went to the commissary we loaded up on newborn diapers (Ryan was shocked at the price... oy), wipes, lotion, bottles, and pacifiers. Alms giving.

So we have our plan. We're still calling in our favors with anyone who many know anyone. One of my clients at work today said a retired Major General was willing to talk to Ryan and see if he could help. I get the number and go to call Ryan. No answer.

Then I get this text message:
I got Ground Radio Technician. Don'y know where yet and nothing is in writing. It has been verbally stated by headquarters that I am approved!


!!!!!!!


What does this mean?

Well, it is 95% certain my husband can stay in the USMC. To be in this MOS basically the Head of it told his Career Planner he would take Ryan if he had taken Algebra in high school. Ryan took Algebra I and II. So Ryan got his transcript, the Career Planner got his package together, and it was sent to the head of Radio Ops. The Career Planner is hoping to call Ryan by 16:30 with more information.

Nothing is in writing yet. We don't know the when or the where yet, but to quote my husband, "Things went from looking really, really bad to pretty damn good."

We still plan on going to church all week, if not for the original intent of prayer for hope for our future but in thanksgiving.

Ladies, thank you so much for your good thoughts and prayers for our family. Please keep them coming a little longer if you can.

And of course once I know, you will know.



On a different note: As many of you know the "A Final Goodbye" post from {mis}adventures of an army wife has been circulating the military spouse community. According to comments left on her blog Jessica has been located and is safe, received treatment. Bloggers, I hope you all know anytime you feel alone and need to reach out to anyone, I am here. Email me anytime at imyewneek@yahoo.com. You are NOT alone and you ARE loved.

Gee, thanks USMC

Why is it whenever I go to the barracks I hear guys (and girls) complaining about how they hate being in the Marines? How they cannot wait to EAS and get out? They are just counting down the days until they can get out of there.

There are so many of those.

Yet my husband who loves being a Marine, wants to make a career out of it, works so incredibly hard, has a tremendous amount of pride and dedication... is getting screwed?!

It frustrates me to the point I want to just break down and cry. But I can't. Because that won't help Ryan at all.

No answers from the career planners at all. For my husband to remain in the Marine Corps would take an act of God at this point. Every single thing is full or there just is not time for him to go before a huge board and be told no.

So he went to the Army. He looked at this program they have called From Blue to Green. He got excited about it again. He contacts a recruiter who says... only Special Forces are getting accepted at this point. Which we think is untrue (especially after talking to the army guy who lives above us) and he just wanted to go home early and not deal with it.

Now what???

Air Force? Navy? Nonmilitary life? Prior service recruiters??

My husband wants nothing more than to be a Marine. He wants to continue to serve his country and keep doing what he is doing. But he can't. Yet there are hundreds of people in the Corps that would gladly take an instant EAS date if it were to be offered to then. Ryan never thought when he joined the USMC he would have to worry about job security. Ever. My husband graduated high school and was in boot camp three days later. He has wanted nothing more than this since he was thirteen years old. That was when he decided to join and has never once wavered on that. He has no idea what else he can do besides military service. There are no degrees to fall back on. This is his life. He wants it to be his career.

Pardon my language in this sentence, but this is fucking ridiculous.

I can see how it is upsetting him, how hard he is trying every option possible. I can see how he is keeping himself strong and positive regardless, but I am failing to do the same. I can go to a recruiter today and enlist with no problem, but he can't stay doing the job he has done so well for five years.

I have been praying and praying. I keep praying and hoping and wishing and it is doing absolutely nothing. I've never experienced a hopelessness or worry of this magnitude. That bothers me. Especially since it is for the one I love the most.

We need a miracle here. The rest of my husband's career is depending on it.

Update

We were up at 3:30 this morning with the news that Pop was in the hospital. One case of food poisoning (isn't my timing impeccable?) two plane tickets a packed sutcase and metro ride later we're at the airport. By 9am we are on our plane (with six other passengers total) and on our way. We napped a bit and as soon as we landed my phone rang. Ryan's aunt called saying his uncle would pick us up. Time was running out.

Fate was on our side since our bag was the first one to come out. Two navy chaplains were on our flight and heard us talking and spoke with us while we waited. We raced to the hospital, ran red lights and speeding, praying we'd make it. Ryan's grandfather is like his father and helped raise him so he had to get there. We got to the hospital and rsn upstairs.

We made it. Skeetsie said Pop was waiting for us to get there. Ryan was in mission mode up until that point. Then I saw my husband break down the instant he reached Pop's bedside and it broke my heart. Everyone was there, all crying and waiting. I have never been in a situation like this. I lost two grandparents when I was younger but I was never there like that.

We found out it wasn't a stroke, it was a massive aneurysm. There was nothing they could do.

A few hours after we arrived they decided to take him off the ventilator. Ten minutes later he was gone. Everyone is heartbroken. Ryan's mother Amy is a wreck as are her sisters. I'm trying to help however I can. Ryan is being so strong and I'm just trying to be that for him.

I'm not sure what's going to happen next. I'm going to call the hospital tomorrow and try and reschedule my surgery since I need to be here. This is so much more important.

Keep us in your prayers still please. Thank you.

Perspective

Saturday was a rough night. I am sure you gathered that. But I was throwing myself quite the pity party yesterday. I was angry, hurt, and just fuming as I went grocery shopping and baked for the party tomorrow at work. Then I went to church.

Going to church always soothes me. I, without fail, get a message that tells me something. Whether it is to buck up or everything will be ok, in some way, shape or form, I get a poke in the forehead.

It was rainy (and cold) so it took me forever to find parking. I ran into church just as the priest was processing down the aisle. No seats. Standing cold and wet in the back of the church with the other latecomers I debated sneaking out. I just wanted to go home. Then this woman came in. She was carrying a little boy who had to be maybe a year old, and she was pregnant, probably seven or eight months along.

I saw her look for a seat, cross the back of the church one end to the other, twice. Not seeing anything she turned and came back toward the door and I saw her face. She was in tears. The sort of face that said if I was not in public I'd be wailing right now but I better make it out of here before I cannot control it. As she went out the door I stepped to follow her but an older gentleman beat me to it. He looked and nodded at me as if to say, I got it, and followed her outside. They all came in a few minutes later. The man's wife found her a folding chair and they sat her down in it and then this man proceeded to hold her child the entire mass. The look of gratitude she had was amazing. Strangers reaching out and helping strangers. A few women approached her toward the end of mass. They gave her a business card and wrote down her information and tickled that little boy so he'd smile while his mother wrote. She left the church smiling.

Then, at the end of mass, they did the announcements. A eucharistic minister who is very involved in the church... her son altar serves and she is always there, well her daughter Natalie got into a car accident driving home that day and was in ICU on a respirator. They asked the entire church to pray for her and her family and that it be God's will to heal her.

Perspective.

That pregnant woman, Natalie... my problems are nothing compared to them.

I will get past this. We will get past this.

We're reaching out, getting a third party perspective. We've talked. We understand some things better now. He understands some things better.

This will be merely a blip in our bliss.

Pray for that woman, whatever her story is, and for Natalie.

Perspective.

Say A Lil Prayer...

You all remember my last doctor's visit from this post.


Well after work today I noticed I had a voicemail from a number I didn't recognize. It also called me twice the day before. It was from my doctor concerning the results of my spinal xray. I tried to call back and went through a maze (yay tricare!) but I eventually left a message for him to call me back.

I get a call tonight while Ryan and I are watching Hook and making dinner. It was my doctor. So apparently on my spine in two of the five angles they looked at there is some sort of mark. They want me to get another xray to double check their findings. It isn't a tumor or anything. But there are two possibilities. One is nothing. It was the angle I was laying at and my colon was there and it is an "incidental finding" (aka...well, crap). The other possibility is a spinal injury of sorts. My density is off for whatever reason. So if it isn't the incidental finding it is something else. He kept asking me if I ever had a serious injury (theory being it is post-traumatic injury or something that didn't heal) but I never have. Just pulling it out musclewise for 8 years. If the spot is in the same place on these new xrays then I need a CT scan or other tests to determine exactly what the damage is and what is causing it and go from there.

After dinner we get in the car and drive to Ft Belvoir. I was glad Ryan was with me because I couldn't help but feel a little panicky and worried. I wasn't expecting this at all. I was convinced my chest was causing back pain but what if this is causing it too?

48-72 hours for the results. So think positive for me.

Best case scenario... we drove all the way for Belvoir for shit :P

No?

Ok I laughed. Sorry.

Whirlwind Rush!

Things have been going so fast and slow all at once. Last weekend I actually went down to DC with my friend Dell and saved Ryan a trip. Dell's aunt gave her a timeshare for the weekend so Ryan, Dell, and her boyfriend Janos and I were there for a few days. It was really nice, I got to cook for us one night and Ryan and I went to Shamrock Fest in the pouring rain!

Ryan came here this weekend and we actually relaxed. Most things for the wedding are done (for now!). We did some last minute invite things (people keep adding other people last minute!) and just had some time for us to unwind and enjoy the gorgeous weather. We got free Ritas yesterday and went on a hike to Round Valley with my dad, brother Stefan, and his friend Chris. It was gorgeous and Ryan and I managed to get away on our own for a bit and just enjoy hiking through the woods. Of course with him that mean climbing off the trails but it was still fun!

All I have left to do for the wedding is find a make up artist (possibly to do hair and make up for bridesmaids too, my hair is covered) and just book a shuttle to get guests back to the hotel post-reception... once I get a number of how many need it!

40 days!



On a separate note, many people connected to my blog or blogs I read are also girlfriends/fiances/wives in the military. One such blogger suffered a tragic loss this past week and I'd like you all to pray for Mrs. P at "A Little Pink in a World of Camo" and her infant daughter Ariana. Mrs. P's husband was killed in Afghanistan and she received the knock at the door every one of is is terrified will happen. God Bless them.