New Jersey Trip

Once my husband went on terminal leave from the Marine Corps I knew we had to take the chance to go to New Jersey for my Poppy's 94th birthday. My Babci is 91, so I really wanted Will to get to meet his great grandparents. It is a long drive, we broke it up with a few days at my mom's house, but it still took nearly 9 hours to go from their house to New Jersey since we had to stop and feed and change Will. But we made it, and surprised them! They were so so happy. Babci held Will as much as possible, she loves babies, and rarely ever put him down.

I am so grateful we were able to make this trip. Poppy is getting pretty frail and it is hard to see him so  weak, but he smiled big holding Will. Little Man is great grandchild number six and the fifth boy!

While in Jersey we tried to see as many people as possible and it still was not enough. On Saturday night we went to my old church, the one I grew up in and that Ryan and I got married in, so it was very special for us to have Will there.

I don't know if I will ever find another church like SEAS, but I hope we do someday! It still feels like home no matter how long we are gone and all our church friends loved cooing over Will in person instead of online! After mass we went someplace I never expected to bring my newborn and husband... my high school!

Our family friends we wanted to visit were there as their daughter had soccer practice, so we went and met up with them there. If you had told me ten years ago I'd be standing on the side of the football field with my family like that I would have thought you were absolutely insane. I was not popular or happy in my academic high school (my theatre high school was different) and my life only went up from there!

Sunday the 21st of August was Poppy's 94th birthday. Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins descended on the house and we had a giant dinner, lots of cake, and family time. I teared up more than once out of sheer joy. Poppy is playing the harmonica in the above photo to accompany our singing, which Will loved by the way!

All the present cousins (and spouses) with the birthday boy. The air conditioner was making Poppy cold, hence the blanket. The clock behind us a is a cookoo clock I bought back from Switzerland for them!

We also walked around the corner to where my brothers live so Little Man could meet his Uncle Sean and Uncle Shane! We even convinced Shane to hold him, which was impressive since he wouldn't hold our niece until she was nearly five months old!

Little Man also met his cousin Adrianna (and my brother's girlfriend Kelly, Adrianna's mom). They are almost exactly a year apart! Adriana was born on the fourth of July 2015 and Will was born June 29th of the following year, just five days shy! Naturally Will slept through the entire thing, but we took pictures as proof it happened.

On Monday Ryan took me in to New York City as an early birthday celebration. He hunted some Pokémon (and will never admit it) and we walked around a bit before stopping at Cabellas for lunch.

We shared a delicious plate of ravioli, since it is family style dining, delicious bread, and then cannoli. After we digested we walked to a place I always wanted to visit, the Museum of Modern Art.

For some reason in the two decades I lived in NJ I never made it to MoMA! I also really, really wanted to see my all time favorite painting, Starry Night. We may have gone back to that room two or three times before we left so I could glimpse again. Sure, I wish I wasn't holding on to some baby weight in this picture, but I am so glad Ryan forced me into it! There was a large crowd always gathered around it so it was a bit embarrassing to jump in front!

Ryan found Dali, so he was happy too. It was smaller than I expected! And Monet's Water Lilies took up an entire room! As did Jackson Pollock! When you only see it in books it is always surprising to see it in real life.

We also briefly met up with our friend Kim while she was at work. She was one of my bridesmaids when Ryan and I got married and went to my theatre high school with me, we have been friends over a decade now!

Four generations, one picture

It always breaks my heart to leave my grandparents, both my mother and I cried the first bit of the drive back to North Carolina. I am so grateful we were able to go visit and for the millionth time I wish I lived closer to them. It was an amazing trip and I think Will enjoyed his first visit to New Jersey!

Life in the NICU

For twenty days our little man lived in the NICU. Being he was nearly six weeks early he still had some growing to do, particularly his heart and lungs. He would have "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels would drop... he usually came out of them on his own but a few were bad enough he had to be stimulated (patted on the back for minor and given oxygen for major) since he started to turn dusky from lack of oxygen. Until he could go five days without a Brady (preterm) or three days post term (37 weeks gestation timeframe), we were staying. Ryan and I were fortunate enough that for the first week of his life we had the option to "room in" at the Naval Hospital. Basically by day four I was discharged but they had extra space so we were allowed to just stay in the room we were in until it was needed again. Since it was the fourth of July long weekend the hospital was pretty deserted. On the day Will turned a week old the hospital got busy again and we sadly had to go home. The staff gave us the option to stay at the Fisher House, but we knew if we had to get in the car and drive regardless we might as well be at home. Fortunately we don't live that far from base so coming back and forth was not too difficult.

My schedule would be to wake up at 8am to get to the hospital by his 9am feeding. I would stay usually through his noon feeding for sure but some days even through his 3pm feeding depending on what I needed to do that day, grabbing a lunch in the galley or cafe. I would do all his changings and feedings and help with his vitals when I was at the hospital. I would usually then go run errands or just go home and eat dinner and shower before returning to the hospital for his 9pm feedings. Some nights I'd stay until close to midnight, others I'd go home by 10:30, and we'd repeat the next day. Ryan, depending on his schedule, would usually come with me at the night feeding and hang out for awhile, or he'd stop by in the late afternoon depending on his schedule with classes and other things.

We tried to make his room and bed personalized and comfortable even if he didn't know the difference. The Lil Man bib we were given was perfect for showing off his nickname that has stuck from birth! Even the nurses and doctors were calling him that. The flag was given to us at his baby shower as "baby's first flag" and we had to bring that in with us for the fourth of July! The blanket he is laying on in the above photo is actually one the NICU gave us that volunteers donated for the babies... he ended up with two nice little blankets and a hat.

Being in the NICU is extremely difficult. It is not natural to leave your baby and walk away and then drive away knowing they are left behind. Don't get me wrong, his doctors and nurses were truly fantastic and I am so grateful for all of them, but it broke my heart every time I left my baby. I cried on more than one occasion, and I am sure post partum hormones did not help matters. I also tried to breastfeed for twelve days and sadly we couldn't make it work. Since I had a breast reduction there was always the risk I wouldn't be able to, but my supply just never fully came in. He was only allowed to breastfeed twice a day as it would exhaust him and burn calories so I had to pump the other feedings and I would never get more than a few milliliters... and the longer that went on the more likely it was that it just wouldn't improve. So at twelve days we had to throw in the towel, but at least he got something from me! That added stress did not help for awhile, that's for sure.

It isn't easy to see your baby hooked up to a mess of tubes and wires either. A feeding tube, sensors that tracked his heart rate, oxygen saturation, and respiratory rate were just some of the many things our little man was hooked up to. He also at different points had an IV and had to be under the UV lights because of his bili score (jaundice). They also tried giving him caffeine to help stimulate his heart as well as vitamin D in his feedings.

The days he had to be under the lights were the worst for me. He could only be held at feeding times for half an hour and then had to be put back... no extra mommy snuggles. By the time he ate and burped our half an hour was nearly over. Add in the fact mommy, daddy, and other people all want to hold him and there isn't much time! He also had to wear a mask over his eyes that he absolutely hated.

This photo above was taken on the day I left the hospital to go home when he was a week old. It was my last little snuggle before I had to get in the car and drive away and I think I cried from the first moment I held him until we got in to our house. Even with both our moms there I still had to go in the shower and cry as it was just an awful feeling. Seeing the "Welcome Baby Will" banner over our fireplace and the nursery all set and Will being across town was just so wrong for me.

Our growly man had a personality from the start though. He loved to be held and snuggled and he hated having his blood pressure or temperature taken. We jokingly said he would be the first case of baby hypertension because when he got mad his heart rate would jump into the 180s or even 200s!

Once his feeding tube was removed he looked like a different baby! He took to bottle feeding like a champ and began to look more and more like his daddy every day. To go home all feedings had to be done by mouth so this was a big step in the right direction for him!

To get sent home he had to pass a few tests, including his hearing test. I think he looked like an adorable little funkmaster DJ with the headphones and hat on, but that's just me! He passed with flying colors.

On Sunday we were able to give our little guy a bath for the first time (for us, not him). Since his umbilical cord was still on we had to just lay down pads and wash him from a bucket with no immersing, but it worked really well and he seemed ok with it! His cord came off the next day naturally, so he is good to go for future baths!

The other big test he had to pass was his car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour and a half without having a Brady. He nearly failed at first because within the first half an hour he was trying so hard to poop he gave himself a small Brady! Luckily the nurses knew why and didn't count it as a full Brady since he was awake and alert and it was under ten seconds... the Bradys in his sleep were much more worrisome. He did restart his test and do nearly two hours in the seat but he passed!

Today we were able to bring our Little Man home, one day shy of him being three weeks old. I know our NICU stay was not as long or difficult as some families, but it still was not easy for sure. I am so glad that at this moment my husband is giving our son a bottle in his room just so I could update my blog for a few moments. I am lucky we fight over who gets to hold him and snuggle him. I am lucky my son is healthy. I am lucky he is finally home.

Let the chaos officially begin! Our lives as we knew them will never be the same.

James William

 So baby Will came early at 34 weeks 5 days and took us all by surprise!

On Tuesday night my husband and I got ready for bed and as I went to hop up into our bed I thought I started to wet myself! I quickly ran into the bathroom and my husband jokingly ask if my water broke. I laughed it off thinking I just had to go to the bathroom and was alright. So we go to sleep and I start feeling some small cramps. It's around ten pm and I could not get comfortable. They started getting worse and worse until about ten thirty when my husband got annoyed and said we were going to go to the hospital. I still had two days of work planned and knew it was too early, I couldn't possibly be in labor! It had to be another false alarm like I had at 31 weeks. 

I told him I was fine but he started throwing things in to a duffle bag asking me what to pack. I had no idea but the cramps started getting worse and worse. I began timing them and they were happening every three to four minutes and lasting thirty to ninety seconds. We ran around like crazy and by the time we got in the car I was yelling every time it hit. 

I had called ahead to labor and delivery and by the time I got in to triage at 11pm I was having contractions almost every two minutes lasting a minute. They looked and told me my water broke already and I'd feel a rush of fluid. Then they mentioned I was already at 6 cm. 

They immediately moved me to a delivery room and I couldn't get off the bed, so they wheeled me there and switched me. I instantly got nauseous and ended up throwing up as soon as they gave me a bag. 

Mind you in five and a half weeks early. I didn't take any Lamaze classes (all scheduled over the next month!) and they were telling me I was too far along for pain meds. Every contraction I was screaming my head off as they told me to "breath out like I was blowing out a candle" and to "control it". Easier said than done. 

My mom was in NJ visiting my grandparents and couldn't get there in time, she was supposed to be my coach/doula! So my husband and I were winging it. He did great but I was in so much pain. The birthing ball didn't help nor did any other position besides being on my back. And for good reason. By midnight I was fully at ten centimeters. I got from six to ten in half an hour and there fully in less than two hours!

The doctors originally thought with how fast I was progressing I couldn't do pain meds but once I hit ten centimeters I was only at +1 or so and stalled. So I agreed (slash begged) for an epidural. There was a student anesthesiologist so it took them a few contractions to get it going but once it did I was in heaven. HUGE amazing difference. I actually managed to nap for two hours or so and relax a bit. 

Once the epidural kicked in I felt fabulous. As you can see by the picture I sent my mom to prove I was ok!

Around 5:30am the doctors said we'd start trying to push. Apparently my pelvis is narrow and our Bean got stuck by my public bone and was not having an easy time. They kept mentioning a c section but he'd get a little closer and then pause again. I could feel my contractions even with the epidural so the doctors were willing to let me keep trying but he kept turtling. 

Finally after three hours plus of pushing James William (aka Will) came into the world at 8:49am. He was blue and quiet and we all held our breath until I heard him cry. My husband got to quickly cut the cord and they whisked him away. I briefly got to hold him for five seconds before they rushed him go the NICU. I sent my husband with him while I passed my placenta and got sewn up. I had a second degree tear but otherwise was ok. 

It took awhile for me to get cleaned up, have the epidural wear off, and go up to a regular room. All the while I kept waiting to see my son! Finally after five hours I got to go to the NICU and see him. 

He's perfect. 

He will have to stay in the NICU for awhile since he keeps having "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation drops. He has to go five days without an episode to go home and he's having about ten a day right now. His bili score was also high so he is under the UV light to help his jaundice. We're also waiting on his blood work to come back and make sure his thyroid is normal. 

I'm still in the hospital and luckily get to see Will often. I'm trying to pump and breastfeed and the kid is a champ so far. 

My mom arrived yesterday to help and my husband is a superstar with him too. 

I can't wait until we can all go home (even though our nursery is still completely in boxes and not ready) but it may be awhile still. 

Thank you for all the prayers and support sent via social media or text or calls. We are all feeling the love so very much and will do our best to keep people updated.  

 

North Carolina Baby Shower

This past weekend, June 18th, we had our local baby shower with our friends and my immediate family. Our friends Mark and Kayla generously offered to open their home to us and host and they did an amazing job! Kayla seriously put together a baby shower our of Pinterest with the help of her mom and my mom and I was blown away. Sadly we had a few last minute cancellations and a lot of my family couldn't travel down because of it being Father's Day weekend, but the crowd we had was wonderful and I am so thankful to all those who were able to be there and celebrate with us.

Bean's nursery is safari themed because of my love of giraffes and that was the theme of our shower! Welcome to the Jungle greeted us when we came in, plus tons of food (twigs, cheetah tails, elephant snacks, zebra cakes...), a blue candy bar for making your own goody bag (with my mom's famous Chocolate Covered Oreos) and a cargo table for presents!

The "watering hole" had jungle juice (not the same kind I had in college I promise), desserts were zebra cakes and tiger tails, plus Ka the sandwich snake! How cool right?!?

Sorry for my shaky editing, but now we are revealing our Bean's chosen name, James William, aka Will. Men in my husband's family go by their middle names, him included, so baby Will is going to follow that tradition. James is after Ryan's grandfather (who went by his middle name Doug and told him, "Son, never name a kid Doug.") who passed away in the first year we were married and was like a father to him. William is after my dad (who is really my stepdad) since I always regretted not having him legally adopt me and this is my small tribute to him.

So baby Will it is! With a small cameo by Jeffrey the Giraffe on the bottom left there.

Ryan and I were once again blown away by everyone's generosity! Our cargo table was definitely full!

Our party guests... at the top is our best friend Donna, in the middle are my coworkers Jennie, her husband Kevin, and Lauren, and on the bottom is my husband's former Master Sergeant and his wife.

The top picture here are our hosts, Mark and Kayla, and my brother Stefan, and of course the bottom is my brother and my mom. Looking at these photos I can see how huge I have gotten as I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and we still have at least 7 weeks to go before full term! Yikes!

Between both our showers we know this baby is so incredibly loved and we are one blessed family. Thank you to everyone who came to either of our showers, sent a gift, or sent us love from afar! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

South Carolina Baby Shower

Last weekend, the 11th, Ryan and I made our way to South Carolina as his family were throwing our Bean a baby shower. We left Friday afternoon and made our way south, arriving in time for a lovely BBQ dinner with his mom, sister, and grandmother. Saturday afternoon was our shower and man did our little guy get spoiled! His mom's neighbor Christi hosted the shower for us and the guests included lots of family and friends from the neighborhood.

As you can see there were lots of tiny outfits gifted that I could not contain my excitement about. So. Tiny.

It seemed like everyone had a great time and we really enjoyed getting to see family and friends that we don't get to visit with as often as we like!

Plus they made me a fun hat with all the ribbons! Bean got first wear in the belly though.

The rest of Saturday we lazed around, eating leftovers and just spending time together. I get tired pretty easily these days so lying on the couch and going to bed early is fine in my book!

Sunday we took some pictures together before packing up the jeep on the hottest day of the year thus far, easily over 100 degrees and horribly humid. I did not envy my husband wrangling the crib into the car and was not disappointed when he turned down my offer to help!

We channeled our inner Zoolander a bit too.

Our Bean is definitely one lucky baby and he isn't even here yet! So much love. The next time we see our South Carolina family will probably be when the baby is born, so only a few more weeks!

Unfortunately we did encounter some car trouble on the way home. We were driving in the middle of nowhere South Carolina when suddenly our Jeep turned off while we were going 55 on the highway! Luckily we were able to stop ok, but remember me mentioning it was the hottest day of the year thus far? 100 degrees plus, middle of nowhere, fields, closed store, closed church, and a random hospital unit that I had to walk to at least once to use the bathroom. I was afraid to drink too much as it was a hike and we were waiting on the tow truck. After nearly two hours we somehow got the Jeep started again and just went on our way, calling AAA to cancel the tow (another ordeal in itself!). Our 4.5 hour drive ended up taking nearly 7 hours and man was I glad to get home. I was a sweaty, uncomfortable mess for sure! The joys of pregnancy!