Training Cycle 1 and Life Goes On

As many of you know, my husband recently began his new job as a combat instructor with MCT (Marine Combat Training) as part of SOI East (School of Infantry). We are well in to his first training cycle and things have definitely been an adjustment. The hours are crazy, some nights he doesn't come home at all (and I have my trusty 9 mil on standby) and when he does the poor guy eats, showers and sleeps. He is definitely exhausted and I am trying my best to help where I can. I make his coffee, grab snacks and things for him when I can, have the house clean and leftovers in the fridge, and I try and keep the noise level down when he is home and asleep. It is weird after how much time we spent together lately that we barely see each other any more, most of that time is just sleeping, and he is usually too busy to even answer a text during the day. Training cycles are 29 days straight, so we still have a bit left to go in this first cycle, but hopefully with each cycle things will get a little easier. I know Ryan is pretty worn out already so here is to hoping things get better on his end too.

I finally had my pre-op appointment on Wednesday for my gallbladder removal. I met with the nurse, anesthesiologist and got blood work done. In between my meetings with each of them my doctor's office called me. I listened to the voicemail and they basically were saying there was a scheduling problem and they were wondering if I could push my surgery back until February 4th. Oh. Heck. NO. I was literally AT my pre-op appointment! Since Ryan cannot take leave my mom is flying in to take care of me. I am already scheduled for the time off work and the surgery is a week away! The surgery THEY scheduled back in MID DECEMBER.

Needless to say I was not happy.

I called them back and basically told them no... I could not switch. I mentioned my mom was flying in, ticket already booked, and it was not possible for me to reschedule. The nurse said "Ok, we will see what we can do. We just wanted to check with you and see if it was possible."

Well, it isn't.

I have been sick since October. I waited a month to get a diagnosis. When I finally did get one I had to wait another month to even see a surgeon. Then when I finally saw him I had to wait a week for them to schedule the surgery. Then I had to wait another five weeks for said surgery. Meanwhile I have been sick this entire time. I have altered my diet, I have endured gallbladder attacks, been nauseous nonstop, missed out on holidays and delicious food with my family, ruined date nights, been throwing up/nauseous/in pain/on medicines and I am DONE. There is no way I am switching my surgery when I am a week away from it... even if it is only by another week. Sorry. Done.

Anyway, I am working this weekend and Monday and Tuesday. My mom flies in Tuesday night and then Wednesday morning is my surgery. If anything changes that the hospital will have one angry patient on their hands! I may sound ridiculous right now, but I am so tired of not feeling well. I really hope this surgery works. I want to be able to eat again without being worried it will make me horrendously sick. I miss cheeseburgers. I miss just ordering whatever I want at a restaurant. I miss having the ability to cook anything and eat anything without fear of getting horribly nauseous or throwing up. I really, really hope this works.

Send some good vibes my way if you can!

Writer's Block

Writer's Block. Ugh. Or maybe that isn't the best term... blogger's block? You do all know I am a sucker for alliteration.

I think it is just because not a lot is happening, but at the same time the wings are so crowded it will all eventually pile on at once. Most of my days are just spent working, talking long walks with the pup pup, talking to my husband on the phone and hanging out with my friends when I can.


Rylie and I walk two miles or more a night and she is making lots of friends, like Moose, the Great Dane. She loves him!


Carrie and I spent Saint Patrick's Day at Murphy's in Old Town and may have gotten drunker than we planned trying to fend off preppy law students.


We celebrated Pi day at work on 3.14 and I wore these earrings as we ate pie. My clients enjoyed that.


I am also floored by how big Rylie has gotten!! My pup pup is huge, tipping the scales at nearly forty pounds!

As for our house it is just playing the waiting game at this point. Our offer was accepted, we had the inspection, submitted our mortgage paperwork and got the seller to agree on some repairs. Apparently the bank was sending someone for the mandatory appraisal (which was supposed to be five to ten business days after I got the paperwork in) and it has taken literally forever. I am getting frustrated as we are moving in less than a month, but that won't happen if there is nowhere to move to!

Then Ryan calls the bank today and they send us this email, "Oh, by the way, we need these seven things from you to proceed."

What??

So if we didn't call to bug you, would we have just been waiting around?

First of all, the first item in the list was in our mortgage paperwork. There is nowhere to sign it, it was a view only document, but they have it. Ryan now has his orders so he can send those. But they want bank statements and pay stubs... things we could have sent them over a month ago without a problem! It still isn't a problem, but I am pretty annoyed at this "Oh yea!" sort of moment. More than annoyed actually.

Ugh.

Anyway.

I've officially become a writer on spouseBUZZ.com, that's some of the good. My third article went up today! Plus there is more good news to follow on that very soon!


Ok, I guess I wasn't as blocked as I thought. Maybe just disorganized. And stressed.

And addicted to the Draw Something app - Play me! Imyewneek

Poor Pup Pup

Just in case I wasn't sure if Rylie had me in over my head or not she just had to give me a little nudge back to the other side! Oy.



As a dog owner, I am definitely not bored, let's put it that way.

This weekend my best friend Sam came to visit. I loved having another person around (especially my bestie!) because Rylie had someone else to bite play with and I had someone else to talk to... that could talk back! We went down to the harbor and Rylie girl insisted on sitting on the bench with us. People would come up to her and pet her and she didn't even have to move, good deal! I got up quick and took this picture on my phone as she people watched. So cute.

But we noticed Rylie, how can I put this delicately... was gassy. I mean craZy gassy that had us running for cover. Then I noticed when she went to the bathroom it was a little (TMI)runny. So Monday I call the vet and they told me to bring her in tomorrow as they were busy. I bring the pup in, as a walk in, and surprisingly saw the vet quicker than when I had an appointment. Hmm...

Long story short poor pup pup has giardia. Puppy Mommy Fail. It is a parasite they usually get from drinking puddles or from other dogs who have it. My vet personally thinks Rylie's favorite snack gave it to her, that being mulch. She loves to chew on it and since it had rained last week and the mulch was damp it more than likely came from there. Now I am trying my hardest to not let her pick anything up on our walks but it is not easy.

For awhile now (worse since she has been sick) Rylie has been extremely bitey. Mostly to me, rarely other people, but when we play she will bite at my hands like no other. I will give her toys and tell her no but she does not seem to bothered by that. It has gone up tenfold since she has been sick. I cannot even sit down without her biting at my hands, feet, shoes or pants. I am constantly up and giving her toys and ice cubes, anything. Geeze pup teethe already!

But two nights ago was a rough rough night, similar to the first night I was alone with her. I think the antibiotics I gave her were messing with her because she was up whining from three am til five am. Non. Stop. Whining and barking. We went outside five times, two of which she went. Needless to say I was a mess yesterday. I was so exhausted and when I get exhausted I get way too emotional for my own good. Sobbing phone calls to my mother usually ensue.

It was a gorgeous day yesterday so Rylie went on two very very long walks. I was sore and tired by the time we were done. For once I was able to shower without her poking her head in or barking at me as she was passed out on the floor. I put her to bed and either I was so tired I slept through any whining/barking or she slept through the night. I think it was the latter.

Thank. God.

It isn't anywhere near as gorgeous today as yesterday (I will take 70 in January ANY day) but we will try lots of walks again. Wish me luck. Two weeks until I visit Ryan and I get a nice little break!!

And to link up with Goodnight Moon, I have Queen stuck in my head today.

Thank you

Thank you all for the kind comments you gave me on my last wreck of an entry. Blogging on no sleep while very emotional sometimes causes an entry to be a bit of a mess! But I appreciate all of you for helping me.

That day when I got home from work I called my mom and, surprise surprise, cried to her for about an hour. When I hung up the phone I tried to drag Rylie's crate out of my room but it wouldn't fit through the door. Typical. I was crying again. Then my neighbor Adam came and knocked on the door to drop something off for me. He saw the tears running down my blotchy red face and I think I may have scared him a bit!

"Are you ok?"
"Nooooooo!"

The whole thing poured out and still in his uniform from work Adam helped me move the cardboard divider in the crate and fold it up and drag it into the dining room. Sure it isn't pretty in there, but I am not having any dinner parties anytime soon! After that I took Rylie to PetSmart for more food and she nearly gave me a heart attack when she jumped out of the moving shopping cart! This coming from the pup who won't even jump in and out of the car yet! She made tons of new friends of course and I got her a big ol' candy cane rawhide since it was 'Christmas' and 75% off. She loves it!



We got home and played a bit but she started dozing in the living room and kitchen. Even though it was 8:40 I was exhausted so I put her in the crate, covered it, went in my room and turned on the air conditioner and shut the door. She whined for maybe five minutes and then was blissfully silent. Ryan called and I (surprise) cried to him before passing out long before 10pm. Rylie barked around midnight so I took her out, she went, came back inside and went in the crate. Minimal whining. Repeat at 4am and then at 7:20am when I got up. Bliss!

Since then she goes to bed around ten (um, as do I...) and wakes up maybe once at 4 and then 7:20 to eat breakfast. Saturday she did that and then slept again until 10:30am. I was ecstatic. Last night she went to bed at 10 and woke up at 715!!!! Whew! If this keeps up I shall be a happy furbaby mommy.

Saturday my friend Cat came over and we took Rylie into Old Town. We literally could not walk more than five feet without people going "Oh my goodness a pippy! How old is she? What is her name? Can we pet her? She is SO cute!" So our conversation was a little stilted to say the least. When we got to the Starbucks at the bottom of King Street Cat went in to get is some drinks and we were practically mobbed! Then we met Fred.



Fred is a Great Dane. Rylie was smaller than his head!



He was super sweet and Rylie was running around him and on him playing, losing interest and bounding away and then bounding back again. We had a crowd of people come watch and even start taking pictures on their phones! I wonder now if Rylie is randomly on the internet somewhere...

Then Cat and I went and sat in the park and just talked. It was nice. Rylie romped a bit and then curled up in my lap to nap. Then in Cat's.



When we walked back to the car Rylie passed out in Cat's lap in the front seat! I woke her up for dinner and we got to Tango with Daddy for a bit. Then I put her in her crate, no fuss, and Carrie and I walked up to Southside for dinner. When I came back we walked around again and she passed out around ten. Bliss.

Today was low key, I went to church and the grocery store, Rylie napped and chewed things.

Overall Rylie's downtime is spent watching tv...



Sitting in my lap...



And catching her own tail in unusual ways...




So things are getting better. I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed, but it is definitely getting better. I love that little pain in the butt! Thanks for your advice once again, and if you don't mind continuing to send good thoughts and prayers our way, I'd appreciate it!

No Sleep

Last night was not a good night.

Ryan left yesterday to go back to 29 Palms which was hard enough. He rode into work with me in the frigid cold and we said our goodbyes outside my building before he got on the metro to go to the airport. It was about 18 degrees and I was shocked my tears didn't crystalize :P We are hoping to meet up President's Day weekend, which feels so far away from now, if not we don't get to be together until he graduates in April... which if I think about makes me cry so I can't do that. So I go through that long sort of day at work and rush home to the pup. Happiness!

We go outside, we eat, we play, we go outside again, we play more, we (and by we I mean Rylie) have an accident, we go outside yet again, I shower and finally at 10 I am snuggled in bed ready to put the day behind me.

I call Ryan for our nightly phone call. 20 minutes later Rylie is whining. Then she is barking. Not just a little bark but high pitched, non stop barking like she has never done before. I know we are supposed to let her bark it out, but I live in an apartment, I can't do that! So I hang up with Ryan (upset I can't talk to him already), get on the floor and try talking to her. We have been crate training her all along, soft calming voice and petting her and gently pushing her chest to not let her out. We sit and talk to her, lie down next to her, and basically make her comfy. She has a blanket over the crate, a pillow, towel, toys and stuffed animals inside to snuggle with. But Rylie was having none of it last night. She was biting me through the bars of the crate and shrilly barking non stop.

We go outside again, it had barely been an hour since the last time. We come back in and play a bit trying to tire her out but Rylie did not play like she normally does, she was just biting me and going nuts. Back in the crate. Still not happy.

Long story short it is 12:30am before I can sleep in silence.

Until 4am rolls around. More barking. I take her out. She goes to the bathroom and we go back inside and I put her in her crate. More barking. This goes on until about 4:30 am before she finally stops. Meanwhile in that half an hour I am sitting on the floor next to the crate sobbing and begging her to stop. She does.

Until 5:55am. I take her out again. My upstairs neighbor Adam is leaving for work and mentions he could hear her barking at 4. I apologize profusely but he laughs and said it made him laugh to hear it. He had been there before. Still I am mortified regarless.

We go back in and Rylie doesn't want to go to sleep. She is up until 6:20. I finally doze off to my alarm goes off at 7:20am. We go out yet again. I feed her breakfast.

I am so tired my eyes don't want to stay open and when I think about it too much they literally fill with tears. I was so tired and frustrated and I worked up my stress level so much I ended up throwing up in the bathroom as Rylie at breakfast. I cried the whole way to work so Carrie had to drive and I am crying now as I type this. At work. I gotta suck the tears up! UGH!

I love my puppy, I do, but last night cannot be a normal occurance. I talked to my aunt today, she breeds and shows labs for a living, and she gave me some advice. No water after 8pm, stick to a schedule as much as possible, do NOT play with her after bedtime, and move the crate out of my bedroom. All of which will be attempted tonight.

I feel like a puppy parent failure.

When Ryan was here it wasn't this hard.

Wow that sentence just speaks volumes doesn't it?

Even with a dogwalker during the day I think she is not used to being in her crate. Ryan was in and out when he was home but never 8 hours straight like this.

Once we have a routine down I know it will be ok. But the panicky part of me cannot help but wonder if we ever get there? What if we never get our groove? What if I am a sleepless zombie who cries at the drop of a hat until we PCS and are together again? I texted Ryan all night and he feels bad which makes me feel worse because I know this was not his intention in the least when getting us a puppy.


Sorry, I normally don't go on like this (or have such awful sentence structure), forgive me. The lack of sleep, feeling awful, and just missing my husband so bad I can barely breathe is really getting to me. I just had to let it out.

Please please please do not give me another night like last night.


Sigh.

Fight PTSD with CES

Since I am writing these all in advance I have no idea how I am doing. Probably got some heavy cabin fever at this point! Now this guest post is a little different... Katie, the Outreach Coordinator from Wallace Fisher Laboratories contacted me about this. I know there are many men and women in the military dealing with PTSD so I thought I would put it out there for any of you, just in case... it is a little pricey but if you have a perscription it may cut the cost, there is also a military discount offered.


Top doctors prescribe the Fisher Wallace Stimulator to treat insomnia, anxiety and depression (as well as chronic pain). Our device has been shown to stimulate the brain's production of serotonin and dopamine (click for research) while causing no serious side effects. Cleared by the FDA in 1991, our device is portable and often reduces symptoms of insomnia, anxiety and depression within 1 - 4 weeks of daily or twice daily use. You may return the device for a full refund within 60 days of receipt if it does not successfully treat your symptoms. A prescription is required in the United States. Please fax prescriptions to (800) 657-7362. The following practitioners may prescribe our device: Psychiatrists, General Practitioners, Registered Nurses, and most Chiropractors and Acupuncturists. If you have questions, please call (212) 688 - 8100. Military families will receive a $200 discount by entering the coupon code FW495 during the online checkout process.

"I was a slave to sleep medications for over twenty years. After just one week of twice daily use of the Fisher Wallace Cranial Stimulator, I started cutting back on the sleep meds. For nearly eight months now, I've been completely off the medications, sleeping longer and waking more rested than ever."
- Mike Davis, Vietnam Veteran (US Army, Retired) & Founder of Vietnam Combat Veterans, Ltd. / VET-NET


Here is the copy of the letter I received with the information...it is from Dr. Richard Brown who is Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center re: how the device treats symptoms of PTSD.

Richard P. Brown, MD
__________________

Psychopharmacology
__________________

30 East End Avenue (between 80th and 81st)
New York, NY 10028
Ph: (212) 737-0821; Fax: (845) 331-3562
PGerbarg@aol.com
www.haveahealthymind.com
9-24-10

Treatment of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder with Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulator

In Post-traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD), the stress response system malfunctions with excess sympathetic activity and subnormal parasympathetic activity. This imbalance in the nervous system leads to high levels of stress, anxiety, anger, over reactivity, poor judgment, impulsivity, and difficulty sleeping.

The Cranial Electrotherapy Stimulator (CES) induces a calmer, more meditative pattern of brain waves. It also stimulates the parasympathetic part of the nervous system which counteracts the stress response. Therefore, it calms both the body and the mind. This reduces the physical symptoms of PTSD such as rapid pulse, shaking, sweating, or a knot in the stomach. It also addresses psychological symptoms by reducing anxiety, restlessness, agitation, anger, depression, and sleep problems. Furthermore, the improvements in emotion regulation reduce the risk of inappropriate impulsive, aggressive behaviors.

Use of the CES releases gamma amino-butyric acid (GABA), the brain’s major anxiety reducing neurotransmitter. In addition, it releases serotonin, which inhibits inappropriate actions. Moreover, it releases beta-endorphins, which tone the stress response system and induce peaceful, positive mood states, thereby reducing the need to use substances of abuse.

As a noninvasive, easy to use procedure with minimal side effects, the CES device has significant therapeutic value in the treatment of PTSD.

Sincerely,

Richard P. Brown, MD
Associate Professor in Clinical Psychiatry
Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons


You can find more information on their website, www.fisherwallace.com and their most recent article in the Wall Street Journal.

Ridiculous

This needs to stop. I cannot have another night like last night.

Absolutely fricken ridiculous.

No more.

Argh!

I don't want to go crazy and over share on the internet but some things have really been upsetting me. My mom and Ryan's mom keep going back and forth over things, mainly their dresses. My mom tells me one thing was said, Ryan's mom tells him something else, and we have two conflicting stories that we're in the middle of! Of course we each want to side with our own mothers but it is really wearing me down. I just don't want anything to do with it anymore. Let them figure it out.

Then my mom wanted to have a small brunch (like bagels or something) for any out of town guests and us before we leave. Well Ryan wants to leave immediately after the reception (and even leave early! it is a four hour party, why leave early?!) and skip the brunch. My parents are paying for the wedding, why can't we just have a bagel with them before we leave? It is just becoming more trouble than it is worth.

The somehow Ryan's family stumbled on my mom's blog and found offense in something that was completely innocent. Now Ryan's mom blocked me from seeing her wall on facebook so it is just all going round and round and round and I just want to cry.

It is OUR wedding. Allie and Ryan. But lately BOTH sides are adding to the guest list and not communicating effectively and throwing Ryan and I in the middle and I am just so overwhelmed and stressed about it. Its causing Ryan and I to bicker/fight whatever you want to call it and it is just not fair. Literally crying. Awesome.



Oh, and the doctor today once again was normal. I am tired of that too :P His next idea is to take antidepressants to settle the messages telling my brain/stomach I am nauseous. I don't want to take them. If you take antidepressants when you're not depressed you become depressed and suicidal! No thank you. I can also try ginger root extract or DGL (licorice thing?) or.... acupuncture.

ARGH!