28

Sometimes life takes a sharp, unexpected turn to a place you never expect. It punches you simultaneously in the face and the gut and it is heart wrenching and awful... especially since you really cannot talk about it (or especially blog about).

 

But regardless of such things, life does continue moving forward. Birthdays happen even in the hardest of times and sometimes you just have to put on a sombrero and smile with whipped cream on your nose.

 

I was super fortunate to spend the weekend with my parents in their new house only a few hours away (2 and a half as opposed to the 7 it used to be). I got my nails done with my mom, and went out for Mexican food, and had home made birthday cake. So when you have all that, you really cannot complain.

 

Especially when you realize the restaurant your parents take you too habitually shove that pile of whipped cream in your face on your birthday and you learn sitting inside a booth is the only thing that saved you from that fate... a bit on your nose is totally ok.

 

And it is even better when your Dad agrees to wear the sombrero for a bit.

 

 

We spent time in the pool (salt water!) and the Dup absolutely loved it. If we were in, she had to be in as well, regardless of how tired she was.

 

Sunday I went to church for the first time since before my miscarriage. It helped. It seemed like the priest knew I was there and his homily was so direct to my heart and situation. There are no coincidences was part of the message. He also talked about Stephen Colbert (of all things, as well as JRR Tolkein) who lost his two brothers and father in a plane crash when he was eight years old, which I did not know. Colbert was quoted in an article saying "What she [his mother] taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not no pain—it’s that the pain is actually a gift." 

 

Pain is a gift. What a powerful message. Thank you.

 

Sunday night we had cake and presents before having to head back home since Ryan had work Monday.

But today I am 28 officially. I am at work, grateful for coworkers who come in on their day off to bring you Dunkin Donuts (thank you Lauren!) and for friends and family blowing up my phone and Facebook to wish me a Happy Birthday.

 

Life will keep moving forward.... just send some good thoughts/prayers my way if you can spare them please. And thank you Lord for another trip around the sun.

Losing Wisdom

Teeth that is! I hope the lack of two ugly little teeth doesn't make me any less wise. As I sit here and eat my macaroni and cheese I am very glad this weekend is over and I wish it was next month already so these darn holes can be a distant memory. I hate the dentist so I was definitely overly freaked out before my appointment. Since sedation is too expensive on our insurance they prescribed me Valium to take an hour before we left. I noticed nothing. My husband came home from work early and we had some Bojangles and watched Doctor Who until it was time to go. When he looked at me and said "Ok, time to go!" I may or may not have burst into tears!

Normally whenever I go to the dentist I am in their waiting room an average of two minutes before going back. Today naturally was the day I was in there nearly an hour waiting to be seen, hyperventilating all the way. My poor husband was so angry (not at me, on my behalf) when they finally took me back. He came with me, actually he had no choice I death gripped his hand, and of course when I saw the chair I burst into tears again. The hygienist calmed me down and explained we were just doing an xray first... which was fine. Then they put on a DVD about after care for us both to watch before adding my choice, Back to the Future, which we had with us. They also made me have another Valium from my purse!

After that the nitrous gas had to go on and Ryan had to leave the room. I have to say I calmed down quite a bit once that stuff started flowing! I watched my movie until the dentist came in and gave me the numbing shots (the ones on the top of the mouth hurt!) and I fought sleeping. I did not want to fall asleep and have them just yank my teeth out! I only had two upper wisdom teeth, one was slightly impacted but the other was in. Suddenly the dentist is back with a pointy tool and telling me to open my mouth.

I think I may have yelled, "Oh my God are you going to do it now!?" but it didn't seem that loud to me... oops. He patiently nodded and said I would just feel some pressure. I took some deeeeeep breaths of the gas and let him take the teeth. I honestly only felt pressure and it was over in about two minutes. Both extractions were "easy" and I needed no stitches or anything of the sort. I got to see them too, ugly little buggers they were!  

Ryan came back after that while I breathed in some oxygen and chomped on gauze. Whew. I felt a little shaky but not too bad, I was still pretty hazy and I think the Valium at this point kicked in. Joy. He dropped me off at home and got me into bed and changed out my gauze and gave me some water. Luckily I still have my portable DVD player so he set me up in bed and went off to get my pain pills and soft things to eat.  

 My husband was awesome over the next few days. As you can see he crossed off and highlighted things on the sheet from the dentist to keep track of my care. I was surprised to see how thorough he was, but as a Marine I cannot expect any less! ;)

 This was right after I got home and Ryan went to the store. He even let The Dup come up and cuddle with me while I watched Because I Said So. Truth be told I fell asleep before he got back but he woke me up for some pain pills which I love him for. I then napped more. That was pretty much my first day; pain pills, chick flicks and jello.

 I was worshiping Jello the first day. (And watching Under the Tuscan Sun) By the second day I was hungry and wanted real food darnit.

 Awesome husband went to both McDonalds and ChickfilA to get me soft serve vanilla ice cream. That stuff was absolutely amazing to my jello and pudding filled stomach! Saturday I was in bed mostly but I did shower and try and take ibuprofen instead of my pain pills. Sunday I was moving around and on the couch and allowed to have soup! Yay soup! Ryan also took pity on me and made me a bacon egg and cheese sandwich since I promised to be mega careful.

Monday I was still swollen, but I was up and dressed and trying! I swish with salt water and keep the holes clean (with the special tool Ryan got for free from the Walgreens pharmacist since the dentist didn't give me one) and I am just trying to ignore the holes in the back of my mouth. I did overdo it last night and make stir fry for us and got rice caught back there..... poor husband had to use the tool and salt water to free it. Sigh. No crunchy things or rice for this girl for a little longer. I think at this point I am not going to get dry socket unless I do something really stupid so hooray for that!

I am still a little sore but I did venture out of the house finally. I went grocery shopping and to get gas as well as going to work on a project tonight. Yesterday I made myself keep moving and did laundry and vacuuming and dusting because I am a nut and needed my house cleaner than it was.

So thank you husband for putting up with a neurotic, pain killer popping wife for a few days and being a darn good caregiver. I'd offer to do the same but you are like normal people and had your wisdom teeth out in high school. Sigh. I'll get you in other ways I am sure!

Short version: I had teeth ripped out of my mouth and it sucked but I survived. Soft serve vanilla ice cream was involved as was an amazing husband. (:

Damn Drains

On Monday Ryan and I got ready for my first venture out of the house. I had to go back to the hospital to get my drains removed. You kind of saw them in the brief picture I posted. They were little bulbs that hung down near my waist from long, clear tubing that went into my chest on either side. The drains had to be pinned to my shorts or tucked into my pockets of zip up hoodies from the moment I left the hospital.

They sucked and were more painful at times than my inscisions and stitches.

Twice a day Ryan diligently emptied them into measured cups given to us by the hospital and he recorded how much fluid came out on each side. God bless my husband. I couldn't even watch when he did it. Or look at the actual place the tubing went in to me. Luckily I could not see them unless I tuned sideways in a mirror. I never did.

It is my first time out of the house since returning from the hospital on Thursday and it is pouring rain. Tornado warnings. Windy. At least it was semi-warm. But we went out into the rain and journeyed back to the hospital.

We didn't bother to try the parking garage and opted for valet. We made our way inside and found the clinic and got up into the original office where I had my consultation. I was tired, but I stopped taking my percocet the night before in effort to ween myself off the pain killers. Mistake One.

The nurse comes in and changed my sterile tape over my stitches. Looking at them freaked me out quite a bit, but it wasn't too bad. After I get cleaned up she tells me my drains are coming out. I ask if they are going to give me a shot or something or just go for it.

We're just going for it.

Damn.

Of course I had my percocet in my purse but it would take forty mintues to be any good so I didn't bother.

So Ryan takes my hand and the woman tells me to breath slowly and deeply to keep my muscles relaxed. I squeeze the hell out of my husband's hand and keep my chest relaxed. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth and the nurse counts to three. One... two... three.

Worst pain I have ever felt in my life. No dramatics. Honest truth.

Apparently there was still a clear suture holding the tube inside me still that the nurse was unaware of. I had to bite down hard to stop from screaming. Bless my husband for holding my hand, talking to me, kissing my forehead, everything calming and helpful. He only told me much later that the tube was about a foot and a half long inside me. Ugh. The second side hurt too but nothing like the first, she knew to look for the suture.

Honestly so glad that is done. I had to lie there for awhile before I could make myself move again. Then it was back out into the rain and waiting for the car. We went to grab lunch and I was pretty tired and sick to my stomach so it wasn't too great. I went home and just laid down the rest of the night.

I'll write about everything else later. This story just had to go out first for my own insane reasons. But I will say I am much more comfortable without the drains and can move so much easier. I didn't realize how in the way they were until I was gone. I am healing. Still sore and pretty sick to my stomach, but healing.

Quick Update

I am going to do this kind of quick because I am totally not up to speed!

I am sore... my stitches kill and and hurt when I move around. I am nauseous on and off today. I am taking percocet, antibiotics, colace, benadryl, omenprazole, and zofran. Yesterday my body reblled heavily against the antibiotics and I was throwing up for quite awhile. Throwing up with stitches is so not fun. Not that it is ever fun in general but it is a whole new degree of awful with stitches. I couldn't even keep water down. So we called the resident on duty at the hospital and I got my Zofran. It is a godsend. I can eat at least.

My best friend Sam got here this morning and my mom and husband are still being wonderful. I cleaned up today at least, Sam and Mom got my hair washed and I got myself semi clean. It felt amazing.

We've been watching a lot of TV and Movies.... any recommendations for light hearted romantic comedies? I need those to keep up a good mood! But we are watching Weeds right now so Ryan does not go too insane. (:

I look smaller. It is awesome.




Ignore the drains (which also suck). But you can totally tell I am no longer a DD! Definitely a C. I am a fricken C cup. For the first time since I was 14 years old. A C.

Amazing.

Worth the pain and nausea and laying on a couch for hours. Worth being over night in the hospital. Worth being scheduled at 9:40am, then rescheduled for 12, then 2, then going in to the OR at 4 and not eating or drinking all day. I don't regret it.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Thank you all for sticking by

Flop?

Wow... I have to say I thought the give away would be a little more exciting? I have two entries at the moment. :( Maybe this wasn't as good of an idea as I thought. I mean, technically I know I still only have 99 followers, but shouldn't that be 99 entries? Or at least like, 10?

*INSERT BLOG FAIL HERE*

Maybe this thing isn't as active as I thought it was.



Top it off I completely wiped out in the rain this morning. I am wearing my favorite black flats (so much my favorite that the heel traction wore away) and they caused me to tumble. I stepped off the front step onto the sidewalk and suddenly my right foot slid out from under me and down I went. I scraped my right palm, jammed my shoulder back into its socket, twisted and wrenched things and bruised my posterior. My umbrella went flying, my lunch and purse... and I got rained on. I dented my redbull, ripped my lunch bag, and bent one of my umbrella spokes on top of getting soaked.

I didn't have time to go change so I dragged my damp butt to the car and went to work with the heat blasting. Luckily I had on black pants under a black and white snazzy long sleeve mini dress I got at White House Black Market, so the water wasn't too visible. I get to work and remember then I have to go to training at our other office near by and proceeded to shiver the entire meeting as I dried off.

Sigh.

Happy Thursday.

Don't forget to enter the 100 Follower Give Away here. Competition is definitely in your odds at this point!

Last Week!

I am SO excited that it is the last week of camp!!!!! Part of me cannot believe it is week 9 already and the other part is wondering if it were possible for time to go any slower. Our numbers (of campers and counselors) are MUCH smaller this week. Luckily my two co-counselors are still here. The camp itself has had some counselors who work at other sites come down for the week to help us out since our numbers were too low. Imagine after two months with the same people having this weird cluster of people who worked together that amount of time too thrown in with you! It is a bit strange. Well as for kids, tribes had only seven kids or combined to form a normal size, but not Cherokee. Oh no. We have 16. Did I mention 15 boys and ONE GIRL?? How do some tribes have eight, nine, or ten girls... and we have one?!?!

Plus we have 5 LTS! (Reminder: LT = Life Threatening, meaning a kid with a life threatening food allerguy...) So we have five bright red fanny packs between the three of us which carries each child's Epi-Pen. Carmen, Kaego and I are rocking it. Yahhoooo....

Today we had three campers out, including 2 LTs and our only girl! So we had thirteen six year old boys running around like crazy all day. Oye vey. My feet hurt so badly when I got in the car to do my hour drive home. And it is so hot and humid.



Is it Friday yet???

No. Saturday! Friday means working OT (over time, the kids who stay after camp) then working til 9pm to help with site breakdown. It's paid, what the heck. Hubby has a parade anyway and won't be home til outrageously late. So I need my weekend! And three weeks off before my next job starts.

It helps knowing my paycheck will be three times bigger next month. Man oh man it helps!!!!

6 Days!

It is official. Ryan will be here in Disney in six days!!!!!!!!!!! He told me the other night and I am so excited. My family will be here in one week and I will have everyone who matters most to me in a place that means so much to me. Words cannot describe how hapy all that makes me.

I am still pretty sick on and off. I had the heida scan thing done yesterday. I got injected with a nuclear isotope and laid under a huge box thing for about three hours. Then I got another medicine that made my gall bladder squeeze which felt bizarre. You wouldn't expect lying still for so long would make you sore, but it did. I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic on tv and Wife Swap (some people in this world...).

My stomach still hurts and I have been nauseous, and worse, for days. I just cannot wait for this all to be figured out and over. I cannot wait until I do not need percocet to sleep or I can keep food down or eat whatever I want whenever I want. To not be in pain. It will be amazing. I go back to the doctor on Monday and I hope they finally have something to tell me!

6 Days. I just need to make it six more days and I will be with the love of my life!

Tests

So this morning was pretty terrifying for me. I was up at 5am and Don, Patrick, and I were in the car by 5:40am. We drove for half an hour or so to this surgical center where I was the first patient of the day for an endoscopy. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a test where they knock you out and essentially shove a camera down your throat to your stomach, look around, and do a biopsy. I have never been knocked out before, I mean I still have my wisdom teeth! It was so nervewracking for me. And since I couldn't drive myself the guys insisted on helping me out.

I go in to the back and I get a saline IV in my hand while they ask me lots of questions. No I haven't taken advil or aspirin in a week, no I am not pregnant, no I didn't eat or drink after midnight... so I got my blood pressure taken about 10 times, my temperature, and a pregnancy test for good measure. I wasn't lying. I hate when you're female and anytime you're slightly sick they think you are pregnant. Anyway...

I got taken into the back where I had about six sensors attached to me, the blood pressure cuff, the IV, and oxygen in my nose. All the while lying on my side... not too comfy when you're all wired up! The nurses were all talking to me, I know trying to distract me since my heart was racing, and they were commenting on Ryan's boot camp graduation ring that I wear on my necklace (it wouldn't even fit on my thumb). They said it took them back to see a girl with her boyfriend's ring like that. But the next thing I know they are telling me to bite on something to keep my mouth open for the procedure....

And then I woke up. I didn't even know they started let alone finished. The nurse had me get up and let Don and Patrick back to keep me company. It wasn't bad, I was a little tired but fully alert the instant I woke up, which was something I was worried about. The doctor came and told me my stomach was red, so they are testing for some sort of bacteria infection (yikes) but no tumors or cancer (always a plus). He still wants me to have my hydrascan or whatever and a stomach x-ray all for gallbladder purposes so I still don't have many answers.

I came home and slept from 9am-1pm and now I am just a little groggy still. I miss Ryan a lot, I wish he could have been here today. I know if it was possible he would have been in a heartbeat, but I really miss my peanut butter (I'm the jelly obviously, we're total opposites but work to make the best sandwich).

He also told me today he was talking to a career counselor and is petitioning to take his fifth year off his contract. I wonder what that means? I thought he was re-enlisting after the five but now, well, I wonder what is going on? Waiting to hear back!

Thanks for reading.

Internal Organs: 1, Allie: 0

So last night I had my first major gall bladder attack. It hurt like hell, in the front right of my ribs and across my back. I couldn't lie down, I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit, nothing was comfortable. So Amanda, my room mate, took me to an Urgent Care Clinic that was open til midnight. Luckily it was close by. When we got there the woman said there was a 2-3 hour wait. So we stuck it out.

An hour later my vitals were done. An hour after that I was checked out. Diagnosis? Gall bladder. But there wasn't the right equipment there to take blood or do an ultrasound. So they gave me some anti-nausea medicine and percocet. I was told I could not go to work the next day and given a form and shoved out the door.

Damage? Three hours and $100. Ugh.

I spent the day mostly in a drug filled haze, sleeping on and off, angry I am not at work. I need these days off to go see Ryan. It sucks. We have a basically official date for the homecoming from our FRO person but Ryan is still moving so I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Probably won't for another two or three. Which sucks since I cannot book anything until I talk to him.

Oh, did I mention in all this chaos we had a new room mate move in yesterday? Her name is Chole and she is from South Korea. I totally make awesome first impressions...

Back to the sleepyness....