Hey Jealousy?

So I know one of the biggest issues Ryan and I have in our relationship is the issue of jealousy. His ex was not the nicest person and really hurt his ability to fully trust in others. She basically left him for one of his best friends. Now the problem is, I always have been one to have a big mixed group of friends. I usually have a big mix of guys and girls that I hang out with and that has always been a sore spot for Ryan in our relationship.


Graduation Party

Whether it was me playing video games at my friend Brian's house, hanging out with Nate, Jeff, and Dave from my theatre school when I am home in NJ, or hanging out with Don and Patrick in Disney... we have had pretty decetly sized fights about all of them. I would never do anything to hurt Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have friends who are guys because, well let's face it, they are usually awesome to hang with, are honest (not catty at any rate), know sports, and are easy to talk to. Girls are much more complicated! I bond really well with one or two girls and get super close, but in big groups I do have my guy friends.


Team Bro-Womance at Disney Cast Quest

Now when I hang out with Don and Patrick here for example, usually it is in a group. 9 times out of 10 it is in a big group. Patrick and Don have a huge "bro-mance", they remind me of Ryan and his room mate Josh in a lot of ways, and Karli and I have the designated "wo-mance" (not as catchy but it works!). Usually the four of us hang out together. Karli's boyfriend Bryce is giving her the same flak Ryan is giving me which makes me feel a bit better, but not much. Patrick is dating Jenny, Don is on-off with Sara... and Karli and I are taken! What is wrong with the four of us being friends?? We work the same venues at work, we have fun together, and it breaks up the monotiny of the day in Innoventions.


The Love of my Life

So I haven't had a phone call from Ryan in nearly a month, and before today our longest talk in a week was maybe 10 minutes. Today he spent an hour of precious internet time (Al Asad sucks for that) arguing with me about being friends with guys! This isn't third grade, boys and girls don't have to be separate from coodies contamination and just because you are male and female does not mean sex has to be involved for any sort of connection to be possible.

These guys are my friends. Nothing more.

1. I have Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. That trumps anything anyone else could throw at me.
2. Not attracted to them. I love them dearly, but these guys become like my brothers. I have three already, I don't mind having more pseudo-ones in the mix.
3. If anyone, and I mean anyone, was disrespectful to me or my relationship I'd kick them in the balls so hard they'd come out of their noses.

The guys hear me talk about Ryan all the time. They want to see him when he comes down here. It is no secret. I have always been upfront and honest with Ryan in our relationship, and I think that is what makes all the difference.

He eventually backed off and apologized. I did too. I know it bothers him, but I don't seek out guys to befriend on purpose or anything. They are just my friends. Plain and simple. And usually when he DOES meet them he gets along great with them. Example given being my graduation party when Ryan went off with Jeff, Nate, and Dave on a cigarette run to a store 2 minutes away and we're gone for nearly 45 minutes. They got along great.

Sorry for the venting today, I was just frustrated that the hour and a half we had to talk this morning had almost an hour wasted on a pointless fight we've had many times before. Of course it ends up ok in the end, but I hate fighting with Ryan over anything and it is frustrating with him so far away. He will be back soon and I know we will be just fine. In 10 days I will tackle him, I swear I will!

I know he wants to be here with me and experiencing Disney with me like my friends here get to... and he will once he goes on leave. I told him he has to trust me. He said he did, it was the other guys he didn't trust. I said it doesn't really work that way, you have to trust my ability to choose my friends and the people I associate with, if they weren't good people, they wouldn't be in my life. Wow, this came out to be a much longer entry than I intended. Props if you read it!

It is all about the trust baby.

Going to the gym...

I have not gone to the gym religiously.... ever. I was never one of those girls to love working out, go running, or anything like that. I'd prefer a nice bike ride or a hike. I'd rather spend the day building a big set in a theatre lifting platforms and moving lights. I never found running in place to be a worthwhile activity. And whoever the hell thought lifting big heavy things in sets and repetition would be fun is just insane. Long story short, I hate working out.

So why the hell am I doing it around four days a week?

Because earlier this summer I mused out loud, "Hm, maybe when I go to Disney I will start going to the gym." And Ryan overheard it. So in Iraq he started working out. And eating healthy. He is doing it in the desert, I should be able to do it here, right? Long story short my lazy ass is in the gym now.

We have bickered about it, talked about it, and now I am going. Like I said, I hate working out. But I love Ryan, so I am doing it.

Luckily my apartment is the closest possible one to the gym or it would never happen.

I am up to 15 minutes a day on the elliptical (not a lot I know, but like I said, moving in place? Not my idea of fun) and I do some free weights and machines with exercises my suddenly all healthy lean, mean, fighting machine boyfriend recommended. I figured I could fudge my way around for a few months and gradually work up to it, but now with Ryan coming home so soon (YAY) I really need to stick with it. And eat healthy.

We'll ignore the chicken fingers and fries I had for dinner. It will be our little secret, ok?

Heard from Disney!!

I can now officially add input on the Disney part of my blog! I have been meeting my mom for lunch at the Church office where she works every week day I am home really and yesterday while we were eating I got a phone call from a number I didn't know. It was someone from Disney! I now know where I am officially working. I will be an Innoventions Employee in Epcot!!


http://www.wdwinfo.com/wdwinfo/guides/epcot/epfw-innoventions.htm (Click the link to learn more!)

Innoventions is a pavilion at Epcot in Walt Disney World, Florida. It focuses on technological advancements and their practical applications in everyday life. Innoventions is a portmanteau of the words "innovation" and "invention". (Thank you Wikipedia!)


They said with my theatre background I was a good candidate to work there. I will get a pay raise as well, not much but I will take it! And I will be in an airconditioned building! Yes! I get groups of 10-3o people and I do the exhibit with them and help them learn, so I will have packets to memorize on stuff like hurricanes, recycling, fire safety etc... So I am pretty excited. I got a raise and I didn't even get there yet. Haha.


Ryan and I had an interesting, long argument yesterday. Lots of stuff, not airing dirty laundry here. But I sent two packages and he still has yet to recieve mine!!!! I tracked my previous package and it reached base on July 26th, sent on the 20th, and he has yet to get it. So I am a bit nervous. But I was upset yesterday in this argument again. I hate fighting with him so much and it was so silly. We are ok now, we fixed things and compromised (aka I gave in mostly) but I really hate that we had such an intense fight over it! Ugh.


Anyway, we talked briefly today and it was amazing. He said tomorrow he is going to CALL me. To quote him, "Yes call, like on the phone." I am so excited.



Oh and my Mom got me this t-shirt, I absolutely love it...



Blocked out Ryan's last name for safety, but there it is!!