Hey Jealousy?

So I know one of the biggest issues Ryan and I have in our relationship is the issue of jealousy. His ex was not the nicest person and really hurt his ability to fully trust in others. She basically left him for one of his best friends. Now the problem is, I always have been one to have a big mixed group of friends. I usually have a big mix of guys and girls that I hang out with and that has always been a sore spot for Ryan in our relationship.


Graduation Party

Whether it was me playing video games at my friend Brian's house, hanging out with Nate, Jeff, and Dave from my theatre school when I am home in NJ, or hanging out with Don and Patrick in Disney... we have had pretty decetly sized fights about all of them. I would never do anything to hurt Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have friends who are guys because, well let's face it, they are usually awesome to hang with, are honest (not catty at any rate), know sports, and are easy to talk to. Girls are much more complicated! I bond really well with one or two girls and get super close, but in big groups I do have my guy friends.


Team Bro-Womance at Disney Cast Quest

Now when I hang out with Don and Patrick here for example, usually it is in a group. 9 times out of 10 it is in a big group. Patrick and Don have a huge "bro-mance", they remind me of Ryan and his room mate Josh in a lot of ways, and Karli and I have the designated "wo-mance" (not as catchy but it works!). Usually the four of us hang out together. Karli's boyfriend Bryce is giving her the same flak Ryan is giving me which makes me feel a bit better, but not much. Patrick is dating Jenny, Don is on-off with Sara... and Karli and I are taken! What is wrong with the four of us being friends?? We work the same venues at work, we have fun together, and it breaks up the monotiny of the day in Innoventions.


The Love of my Life

So I haven't had a phone call from Ryan in nearly a month, and before today our longest talk in a week was maybe 10 minutes. Today he spent an hour of precious internet time (Al Asad sucks for that) arguing with me about being friends with guys! This isn't third grade, boys and girls don't have to be separate from coodies contamination and just because you are male and female does not mean sex has to be involved for any sort of connection to be possible.

These guys are my friends. Nothing more.

1. I have Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. That trumps anything anyone else could throw at me.
2. Not attracted to them. I love them dearly, but these guys become like my brothers. I have three already, I don't mind having more pseudo-ones in the mix.
3. If anyone, and I mean anyone, was disrespectful to me or my relationship I'd kick them in the balls so hard they'd come out of their noses.

The guys hear me talk about Ryan all the time. They want to see him when he comes down here. It is no secret. I have always been upfront and honest with Ryan in our relationship, and I think that is what makes all the difference.

He eventually backed off and apologized. I did too. I know it bothers him, but I don't seek out guys to befriend on purpose or anything. They are just my friends. Plain and simple. And usually when he DOES meet them he gets along great with them. Example given being my graduation party when Ryan went off with Jeff, Nate, and Dave on a cigarette run to a store 2 minutes away and we're gone for nearly 45 minutes. They got along great.

Sorry for the venting today, I was just frustrated that the hour and a half we had to talk this morning had almost an hour wasted on a pointless fight we've had many times before. Of course it ends up ok in the end, but I hate fighting with Ryan over anything and it is frustrating with him so far away. He will be back soon and I know we will be just fine. In 10 days I will tackle him, I swear I will!

I know he wants to be here with me and experiencing Disney with me like my friends here get to... and he will once he goes on leave. I told him he has to trust me. He said he did, it was the other guys he didn't trust. I said it doesn't really work that way, you have to trust my ability to choose my friends and the people I associate with, if they weren't good people, they wouldn't be in my life. Wow, this came out to be a much longer entry than I intended. Props if you read it!

It is all about the trust baby.