Lonely?

I came to a semi startling realization lately (with some articles like this one and this one ... they definitely helped me on this path... well, you'll see). With Ryan in the field and a deployment on the near horizon it was not a revelation I enjoyed having.

I am pretty lonely these days.

When my husband is home, it is terrific. He is my best friend and I love spending any available minute I can with him. Working at the library means working evenings and weekends... so that time we do have together with opposite schedules really is precious. But when he is at work (whether for the day, the week or in the future 6-9 months) I am pretty lonely.

I have friends in the area, don't get me wrong. It isn't like I don't know anyone like I did at this time last year... but I am disappointed I did not bond with someone in a super close way. There is no one I am comfortable calling randomly to say, "Hey, I'm bored... want to do something?" No improvised movie dates, drinks or anything seem to ever happen. When I hang out with people it tends to be in groups where I know one person really well and everyone else knows, well, everyone else. I didn't expect to feel like an oddball out after living here a year. I know friendships take time, but it is pretty disheartening to feel this way. At 25 the WAAH I don't have any close friends sort of phase should be over, don't you think?

There are some wonderful people I know here, but I haven't moved beyond just good friends with anyone. No future BFFs seem to be in my horizon and knowing I am about to face a deployment without someone like that makes me dread it more. There are amazing military spouses (and civilians) in this town, I just wish I clicked with someone on that level.

Does this make any sense?

I may just be rambling, and because this is my blog I think that is allowed... but it still sucks. My best friend lives in New Jersey and is moving futher away in the near future to Rhode Island. Most of my family lives in other states and my own family, even being in the same state, is a good seven hours away. There are some days I just want to jump out of my skin. The Dup is a great bud (you know, for a dog) but there are even days I wish I could just depend on someone else to entertain her. There cannot even be improvised roadtrips because with work my time is wonky and with The Dup she hates the car. I have to pay to board her if I didn't want to bring her somewhere as I don't even have anyone nearby I feel comfortable to pet sit for a few days. We are in the unique position of being married for awhile (not newly weds at any rate) and having no children or any forseeable ones for some time (like after this deployment maybe). Lots of people around here have kids or have been here long enough to have set social circles. Having a job usually helps that and while my coworkers are wonderful there are not many of us (um, like three others besides me at my branch) and they are older than me with kids and lives.

Hopefully something will change. I know I can volunteer or do more things to meet people, but the rare times I seem not to be working I want to spend time with Ryan... great for our marriage but it will bite me in the you know what in a few months when he is no longer around.

Thanks for reading this nonsensical assortment of words. My poor blog has been so all over the place lately I do appreciate any of you who are still around. Maybe things will change.. hopefully I can push myself in that direction and out of my comfort zone and make it happen. You never know.



PS - The chair is totally covered under warranty and a free arm will be here to be repaired in the next 4-6 weeks. Ultimate win right there! The furniture person was very apologetic about the wait but it is free so it does not bother me in the slightest. That chair will just be moved to the back of the dining room until I can get it fixed!

Quarter Century Birthday

Happy Birthday to meeee!

This is currently my mom's facebook profile picture. Yes it is me. No not much has changed!

I am 25 years old. I cannot believe it! When I started this blog I had just graduated college and my boyfriend was preparing for his first deployment to Iraq. I was 21 and I had no idea what I was doing with my life.

In the last nearly four years I completed my job at Disney, got engaged, married, moved to Alexandria, got a grown up job, met amazing amazing people, got my first pup, did nine months on opposite coasts from my husband and did our first PCS to North Carolina.

Whew.

And that is only the really big stuff! All the little things, the commercial, getting cast in this show, driving a road trip on my own.... they happened too.

My brothers all went from kids to young adults who are now all taller than I am.

My family moved from New Jersey to North Carolina and still managed to be seven hours away from me in the same state!

I have had my longest period of unemployment since I started working in my early teens.

I had french toast given to me in bed this morning by an amazing husband. There is also a huge bag on the dining room table I am not allowed to open until tonight!

And a box from my family. And Georgetown Cupcakes. And a cake that is yellow inside with chocolate icing and blue letters, my ultimate favorite. And a watermelon draining in the bathtub to make a vodka watermelon for all the people (friends who are new and wonderful and some known for a long time who are equally as wonderful) coming this evening.

Plus, for the next five months I get to be older than my husband!!!

The first 25 years of my life have been an amazing journey, I cannot wait to see what the next quarter of a century has in store for me!

Thank you for all the birthday wishes (here and on facebook and instagram and texts etc!) (:

Change?

So I decided I wanted to do a small change. I have dyed my hair once before (back in 2008 when Ryan and I were first dating) and everyone but me pretty much hated it. Ok, it was a little RED if you know what I mean, but I liked it. This time I went a little more subdued I think... but it is a big change for me! And thank you Carrie for helping me do it... and by helping me I mean basically actually doing it! Personally I love it, maybe you all will too?

BEFORE




DURING







AFTER








These last two pictures are a little more of what my hair really looks like. Without the flash it looks almost purpley but with it you can see it is a nice reddish brown. It is a temporary dye, a good 30 washes or so, and if it gets too icky in the transition back I will splurge the $8 needed for OOPS Dye Away and be back to blonde!

My mother of course hates it.

Surprisingly, Ryan loves it! I sent him two pictures swearing it was temporary and I could change it back before the ball if need be. He then simply said, "More pics please." So I sent more and he loved it! Since his first school ends October 11th and he has a few weeks before his next school starts he is COMING HOME! For 2 weeks! I am so excited. I told him he would see my hair in person then but it would probably be a little lighter.

"So.... will you do it again so I can really see it?"

Not even false flattery, the hubby digs the reddish brown! Maybe he had a thing for brunettes/redheads all along... :P

People at work are funny, doing double takes and making comments ranging from they "love it" to "it's interesting". Most reviews so far are positive though!

I thought it would be a nice Fall change... what do you think???