Trying

My faith is getting slammed again and again and again this year. I am trying so hard, but as soon as I get close something else happens and I am one step forward, three steps back. I am frustrated, hurt, overwhelmed and just tired.

Here is to going up from this point on. Please.

 

 

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Working Out

For real this time.

I'm sure if I dig back through this blog I'd find this exact post. I try working out, doing a couch 25K or yoga and I'm raring to go for all of three weeks. Then no more. 

I've mentioned Ryan has been on a major work out and healthy eating kick for awhile now. For over a year easily. He's dropped about thirty pounds and looks damn good. I'm his wife, I can say it!! With the clean eating at home I'd honestly sneak junk outside of his view. Candy in my desk at work, stops for fast food, pizza at rehearsals... It happened a lot. 

So when he got back from deployment and asked me to really start going to the gym with him I balked. A lot. I'm not an exercise person by any means. But eventually I came around. He promised not to push me too hard, as he has done in the past, and to help me when I need it. 

Last Saturday was my first day in the gym. Weightlifting is my newest attempt. It's hard but I loathe cardio so hopefully this will be better. I'm doing squats (which my form sucks since I can't bend right really but I'm trying to improve), bent over rows, dead lifts, bench press, inclined bench press, lat pull downs and a small ab circuit with leg lifts, sit ups and planks. 

Saturday night we drove down to Wilmington solely to get chipotle (worth it, even if we had to nap in the truck for an hour since we both were so sickeningly full) and then went ice skating. On real ice, not the plastic kind!! 

Needless to say Sunday I cried trying to get out of bed. I was so sore. My legs hurt from the gym and then ice skating that night even though I stretched before bed. Monday my arms hurt so bad I could barely straighten them. I tried to stretch all day at work and slept with my arms straight as I could that night. Tuesday I went back to the gym. 

And I already improved. I went up in weight (not body, what I can lift) and today I wasn't that sore. A bit. But not agony. I then even did a 45 minute yoga work out when I got home. We go back to the gym Friday. Well, I go back. Ryan goes almost daily. 

We're eating healthier and for once I have no desire to cheat. The candy drawer at work has stayed closed, the chocolate covered Oreos are still on our kitchen counter, and I haven't cheated once. I'm drinking a lot of water from my new water bottle and I haven't had more than a sip of diet coke in days. Days. I usually have two or more a day. That's huge. I'm sleeping more and hydrating and I'm really trying. 

Because I don't like how I look at the moment. I know I'm out of shape and I hate seeing my reflection sometimes. I'm tired of pulling my back out. I'm tired of sucking in my stomach. I'm tired of my own reflection not meeting my eyes. I want to change it. 

It's hard. Sometimes I really hate it. But I'm really really trying this time. It's not a diet and gym binge, it's a lifestyle. It's my health and my body. And I'm ready for it to change. For the better. 

Let's do it. 

Weathering the Storm

As I'm sure you've noticed things have been up and down a lot for me lately. Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry and others I'm almost too fine. It's crazy. I promised myself I would not let myself fall apart during this deployment. I've come too close for comfort some days though. 

But it's getting better. It is. 

I drove two hours (each way) to Myrtle Beach on Friday to go to the DMV. My manager at work told me to take Friday to go take care of it so I didn't have to wait another week, which I appreciated. At least the truck is taken care of fully now. The car is still a work in progress. 

I also treated myself to Chipotle and Trader Joes on said roadtrip!

I tried to be domestic and make apple butter. 

Fourteen hours and one sticky kitchen later I have three overly sweet and not quite as firm as I wanted jars of something. I tried. 

Today Ryan made me smile when he told me he got the care package I sent him... On Wednesday. The package I sent him in August hasn't made it (or any of the ones from his family) but the Halloween box made it in four days. Really?! I'm glad he finally got something but where are the ten boxes from the past month and a half?! Oy. 

Now I'm going to watch my Giants hopefully not become 0-7....