Halfway There!

I cannot believe I am halfway through my pregnancy! I was so scared for most of the first trimester that I would miscarry that it was hard to just relax and enjoy being pregnant. Once we cleared that first hurdle, my thyroid leveled out and I started to feel so much better. I wasn't so bone achingly tired all the time, the nausea faded, and I am actually in the stage where I really enjoy being pregnant. I can go without the waking up many times a night thing but beggars can't be choosers. Some photo updates...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so not a fan of the 20 week picture. My husband refused to stand up to take it! Unflattering angle!

When I was about 17 weeks pregnant my friend had her baby shower so I got to pose alongside another pregnant lady! Kristin was about 25 weeks along at this time and she had her shower early so she could be in the state with her family and still travel! Her husband is stationed in Texas. I didn't know I was having a boy yet (as is Kristin) but a lot of people thought I was having a girl because of these pictures since I appear to be carrying higher than her. Just goes to show you every pregnancy is different!

During this time I was also acting in a local community theatre production of A Time to Kill playing Judge Olga Noose. Fortunately I got to wear a baggy judge's robe and sit behind at the bench most of the play, so most people had no idea I was even pregnant! The weekend the show went on I was maybe 19 weeks along.

Of course a major highlight was our anatomy scan right as I hit 19 weeks. We got to see how much our Bean has grown and our tech was wonderful. She gamely turned off the screens to inspect the gender area and wrote down the results in an envelope for us to do our gender reveal that weekend.

On to the survey!

What Fruit are you? According to the Ovia app I am a baby bok choy, the What to Expect app says banana, and my Baby Pics app says pomegranate. Geeze y'all, can't you compare notes?
Due date: August 5, 2016
How far along: 21 weeks 4 days
Next appointment: April 15th for scan at Maternal Fetal Medicine, April 21 for OBGYN
Gender: Baby Boy!
Total weight gain/loss: I have officially gained close to 15-20lbs. I know I am supposed to, but it still wigs me out a bit to see numbers that big on a scale!
Exercise: Lots of walking. Now that the weather has warmed up the Dup and I try and go for walks daily.
Stretch marks: No new noticeable ones yet.
Swelling: I officially cannot wear my rings anymore. It was actually traumatic getting my husband to get my wedding band off after a walk one night. My hands swelled so bad and I nearly threw up when he finally got the thing off my finger, man did it hurt! I also may have started to go into shock. Yea, I will be a peach in labor! It honestly took close to an hour with ice, string and other things and my husband finally just yanking the hell out of it. I now wear my wedding band on my necklace and a giant fake ring I got from a Diamond Candle a few years ago that now fits. 

This was my poor finger not too long after we got the ring off. At least it wasn't as red but it swelled like that for a few days.

Maternity clothes: Yes. I still fit in some old shirts and a stretchy pair of work pants or two but majority of my wardrobe is maternity.
Belly button: Normal but I think starting to get shallower.
Sleep: I wake up between 1 and 4 times a night, usually to pee. I am trying to sleep on my side since I am supposed to, but I keep waking up on my back!
Food cravings: Blood oranges, I have at least one a day! Also still loving sweets but trying to be smart.
Symptoms: Still a little tired sometimes, occasionally a leg cramp or two, hunger... the usual.
Movement: Yes! Bean started moving noticeably for me right before my show! When I was on stage a few times I had to fight to stay in character because that was when he decided it would be a good time to move around. Ryan finally felt him officially kick for sure during this past week. Last week he kind of thought he might have, but a good kick last Saturday night was definite.
Labor signs: None yet thankfully!
What I miss: I did kind of want a drink the other night, but that is so rare it even surprised me!
What I'm loving: Feeling official kicks and movements from Bean. It is wonderful!
What I'm looking forward to: Having the bump be a bit more pronounced and then of course eventually meeting the little stinker.
Best moment this week: Seeing Ryan's expression when he finally felt a good, hard kick from Bean.
News: It's a boy! Thyroid levels are normal, things look good.
Milestones: Anatomy scan, Halfway point, official kicks, Finding out the gender
Words of wisdom: I am ready for any that people may want to share.

Link Ups!

Due to pain medication and other surgical things I missed this fun link up by Goodnight Moon. Have to join in! I picked Alla Luce Del Sol by Josh Groban because I am needing this song today! It is my first day back at work post surgery and I am feeling the need for motiviation. Josh is one of my favorite singers and this is one of my favorite songs by him. I find it very soothing and it makes me happy! It is in Italian, so sorry if it isn't really your thing! Plus I got tickets yesterday to see him in July at the Verizon Center *if we are still here*!



I saw this one on a lot of other blogs today (hosted by Mrs. Yellow Ribbon) and it is too cute to pass up!



Did you look at rings together?

Wedding bands yes, engagement ring no. For my engagement ring he had asked me ages ago what I preferred and thought... to be honest I told him no yellow gold. That was my only big thing. I wear white gold or silver. I also didn't care for a princess cut, I am good with basic round or square! I know those aren't the technical names but you know what I mean.

Do you like your ring? Did you from the beginning?...and be honest!

Yes! I cannot believe how perfect my ring is. Ryan did obsessive amounts of research. He started doing research on diamonds in Iraq and then went from store to store to store once he got home. First he found a diamond (at Jareds) then went to look for a setting and ended up back at Jareds and got the ring there. So he picked out the two based on his qualifications and assembled it! He really wanted to do things right and he did. I never would have thought I'd want little diamonds on my band, but the one he picked out was so simple and perfect I just love everything about it.

How often do you wear your rings?

Every day. Diamond comes off in the shower and for bed... or if I am doing something super messy. My wedding band has only been off of my hand once since our wedding day... and that was for my surgery last week. Since the way they 'cut' apparently uses an electrical current I could have nothing on at all. It did take lubricant and some heavy pulling to get it off though! Ryan held it for me until I was in recovery and then slid it right back on my hand. I was pretty high on pain meds and anesthesia at that point but I remember him putting it back on for me.

Do you clean your rings?

When we go to Jareds I get my diamond cleaned as it is included in the purchase every six months to get a cleaning. I don't do it at home though. Speaking of which, I am long overdue for a cleaning...

What went through your mind the very first time you saw your ring?

"OhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodHe'sproposingOhmygodOhmygodOhmygodOhmygod....people are looking! What are they waiting for? Oh! I have to say yes!" *insert lots of nodding and crying*

Dead Serious, exact quote!

Day 3

Hosted here!

Day 3: Most meaningful gift/best gift you've received


Ryan and I got engaged in December of last year... it wasn't technically a Christmas gift but it is the best gift I have ever received. He came to visit me in Disney (technically it was for the holidays and with my family, but still early) and proposed during the fireworks. You can read the whole story here.

My ring is gorgeous, I won't dispute that, it is so so perfect. But what it stands for means more to me than anything else. I always told Ryan he could have given me a garbage can twist tie and I still would have said yes!!

Even recently we talked about it. Ryan said, "I gave you a diamond for a reason. Not a ruby or sapphire or emerald... diamonds are under pressure for thousands of years and they come out looking like that. If we are ever under pressure, we will do the same thing." and he also mentions, "I had to get the perfect ring for the perfect girl." (Ok I am nowhere close to perfect, but it is still sweet!)

It is a symbol (along with my wedding ring now) of my love and commitment to Ryan. That I will be loyal and true to him forever and always, under pressure or not.





By the way, Ryan is still trying to work things out for his next step. He is fliritng with Intel (which he doesn't think he will get) and MCCS (which personally I think he will be miserable in, but we shall see). We have an 8+ hour drive to SC for Thanksgiving to talk about it! Thanks for all your good thoughts and wishes. Fingers and toes still crossed.

Wordless Wednesday: Great Falls Diamond Edition

Color scheme/Ideas

What do you think??? I LOVE the idea of wearing blue shoes (I'd match my bridesmaid's dresses more likely than anything) with a white dress similar to that. I like the fit then flare look, off the shoulder is adorable as well. And the red roses with that dark blue are stunning. So that's where I am headed now.

Guest list is about 150. Big family... yikes. But we have a budget set.

Church is good. We have a precana meeting set and we're meeting with Father Tom the week after I get home. We meet with the chaplain in February. I found a place for the reception that I love online but Ryan and I will visit January 14th. Curious readers feel free to check it out! http://www.grandcolonialnj.com

Bridal parties are 90% there. Sam is my maid of honor, Josh is Ryan's best man. A few others are in there as well, and they all seem excited which makes me even more excited.

I've only looked at dresses online so no clue there yet.

And of course our date is set. May 1, 2010. 122 days to go!!


I am entering my last two weeks of Disney. Don, Patrick, and Karli leave on the 2nd. It is going to be miserable to say goodbye to them as I don't leave until the 8th. At least I will hopefully be seeing them in May!

I Saw Fireworks...

So I am just going to give an exciting highlight and then talk more about my family being here later...

Ryan arrived a day early and the next day I had to work. So he accompanied me to EPCOT where I work and spent the day seeing my shows, meeting my friends and co-workers, and basically walking around the park for six hours. In the world showcase he managed to get dinner reservations in the nice restaurant in Italy so after I got off of work we walked over and had a fabulous dinner together. I had spinach canneloni and we split a cannoli for dessert and had wine and a bellini and it was just delicious!

I love fireworks, especially Illuminations. I always said working the crowd control is one of the best parts of my job. I always ranted and raved about it so Ryan really wanted to see the show. A friend of mine, Marianne from Brazil, from Guest Relations was monitoring the VIP area near Italy so I went to say hi. I introduced her to Ryan and she let us under the rope! It was so sweet, especially since I still had no idea what was to come. Illuminations is in three parts and towards the end of the first part Ryan starts trying to talk to me.

So I swatted him and told him to pay attention, he was missing the show! I still had no idea. So he was quiet for a bit and then the globe came out and he was fidgeting and kept trying to talk to me but then stopping. Then the fireworks started again and he hugged me from behind, and it was quite cold so it felt great for many reasons! Ryan then tried to say something in my ear but I couldn't hear him over the fireworks. Again I told him to shush and watch the show! Suddenly he loudly said, "Hey!" and finally got my attention. I was getting annoyed so I replied, "WHAT?!" pretty loudly. He then reached into his pocket and got down on one knee and I saw him say "Will you marry me?" with fireworks exploding overhead.



I gasped and my hands flew to my mouth, I was so shocked! I honestly did not see it coming. We had talked about getting engaged for awhile as you know but I was so surprised. Tears were flowing and I was in shock as people around us started pointing and talking and then I realized I needed to answer! So I just started nodding my head yes over and over again as he slid the ring on my finger. There may have been tears. Everyone around us started cheering and clapping, someone even dropped their cup of wine as they started they were so excited. We hugged and kissed and missed the rest of Illuminations, but it's ok...

We saw it again two days later.

It was amazing...

The Ring:

Thanksgiving and the Future

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday!


So my mom found out Ryan and his friend Garrett weren't going home for Thanksgiving because South Carolina and Nebraska are kind of far... so that is how my boyfriend and one of his best friends ended up in New Jersey with my family for Thanksgiving with me in Disney!!! I was kind of jealous.


Garrett, Ryan, Jill and Derek (cousins), and my brother Stefan in front at my Babci and Poppy's for Thanksgiving

But apparently Ryan asked my parents' permission to marry me while he was there. How do I know that? Because he was nervous about it and told me! Haha. He also let me know that he had been looking at rings since he was in Iraq. He found a diamond and the perfect setting and looked every day for six weeks when he got back.... and he had to tell me THAT because it is so perfect.

Oh my god.

EEE!

Of course no one will tell me how the talk went. My mom pretends to know nothing and I can't ask my dad as I am not supposed to know and Ryan suddenly doesn't want to share! But apparently it "went well". Definitely a good thing. Now that I know that though I want to know when it will happen! And how! And where! I want it to happen so soon but I don't want to know the details and watch it ends up being a long ways away and he just took advantage of the fact that he could talk to my parents without me there. I don't know. Ack.

So now on to our favorite F-Word... the Future.

Ryan and I planned to move in together in DC when I left Disney. Well, I haven't saved as much money as I hoped and I am not having any luck finding jobs so it may not happen. Ryan "splitting" the rent went from 50-50ish to me paying most of it and him helping with other bills. With the money how it is right now I can't do that. So the only solution seems to be me moving home (ugh) again to NJ and working multiple jobs there to save money. It is just so frustrating. I cry over it constantly just because that's how my body reacts to stress. Which sucks.

I just love working at Disney. And if we're going to be apart, again, until February/May/August I wish I could just stay here and work. But I can't. Beneifts and more money and all. Ugh. I don't want to move home. And work in crappy jobs I hate. As I can't find anything, I am terrified I am just going to go back to Kohls and I don't think I can handle it.

I just don't know.

Can I fast forward please?

Tests

So this morning was pretty terrifying for me. I was up at 5am and Don, Patrick, and I were in the car by 5:40am. We drove for half an hour or so to this surgical center where I was the first patient of the day for an endoscopy. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a test where they knock you out and essentially shove a camera down your throat to your stomach, look around, and do a biopsy. I have never been knocked out before, I mean I still have my wisdom teeth! It was so nervewracking for me. And since I couldn't drive myself the guys insisted on helping me out.

I go in to the back and I get a saline IV in my hand while they ask me lots of questions. No I haven't taken advil or aspirin in a week, no I am not pregnant, no I didn't eat or drink after midnight... so I got my blood pressure taken about 10 times, my temperature, and a pregnancy test for good measure. I wasn't lying. I hate when you're female and anytime you're slightly sick they think you are pregnant. Anyway...

I got taken into the back where I had about six sensors attached to me, the blood pressure cuff, the IV, and oxygen in my nose. All the while lying on my side... not too comfy when you're all wired up! The nurses were all talking to me, I know trying to distract me since my heart was racing, and they were commenting on Ryan's boot camp graduation ring that I wear on my necklace (it wouldn't even fit on my thumb). They said it took them back to see a girl with her boyfriend's ring like that. But the next thing I know they are telling me to bite on something to keep my mouth open for the procedure....

And then I woke up. I didn't even know they started let alone finished. The nurse had me get up and let Don and Patrick back to keep me company. It wasn't bad, I was a little tired but fully alert the instant I woke up, which was something I was worried about. The doctor came and told me my stomach was red, so they are testing for some sort of bacteria infection (yikes) but no tumors or cancer (always a plus). He still wants me to have my hydrascan or whatever and a stomach x-ray all for gallbladder purposes so I still don't have many answers.

I came home and slept from 9am-1pm and now I am just a little groggy still. I miss Ryan a lot, I wish he could have been here today. I know if it was possible he would have been in a heartbeat, but I really miss my peanut butter (I'm the jelly obviously, we're total opposites but work to make the best sandwich).

He also told me today he was talking to a career counselor and is petitioning to take his fifth year off his contract. I wonder what that means? I thought he was re-enlisting after the five but now, well, I wonder what is going on? Waiting to hear back!

Thanks for reading.

Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party!

Ok instead of doing a daily update I decided to do a highlight entry of sorts. I can just say work has been going well, I started training on a new venue , Don't Waste It, and the EPCOT Food and Wine Festival started. AMAZING. I love the food (and drink!) plus I got to sit front row of a Big Bad Voodoo Daddies concert, for free! No complaints here. As you can see from the title of my blog, the focus is on Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party!



The Halloween Party was a lot of fun. I went with my room mate Amanda and some of her friends from work and some other people. Most people were dressed up which totally added to the experience. The people I went with were in the Peter Pan theme, we had 2 Tinkerbells, 2 Captain Hooks, 2 Indians, and a tick tock crocodile. Me and another guy Ron missed the memo, so I was a Roarin' 20s Flapper and he wore his family's kilt since he is Scottish. We still all had a blast!



I went trick-or-treating in Dsiney World!!!! I got lots of free candy, my face painted for free, saw the fireworks and the parade which was awesome. I got my picture taken with Woody and Bullseye, his horse, from Toy Story; Captain Hook and Smee; and with the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter totally danced with me in the 20s era way which was awesome. We also went on the Haunted Mansion, since it was appropriate for Halloween, and on Stitch's escape before we went to the fireworks and parade.


Still rumors of an early homecoming but nothing definite yet. I miss Ryan so so much. I really want to see him so badly it actually hurts. I started going to the gym (ick) since Ryan kind of goaded me into it. I got to talk to him on the phone and we had a pretty serious talk about future sort of things. I want to audition with the CPs in November to try and get into entertainment down here or try and maybe go full time for a bit to save money (shame about the hiring full time freeze for now) but Ryan was like, "Do you really want to spend a whole year apart?" if I extended til June. If we can make Iraq and Florida work we can make Florida and anywhere work in my opinion, but he seemed a little unsure which kind of worries me. I know if I wanted to stay down here we would be ok and make it work but what if he ends up in California? I just don't know. I want to be with him more than anything, but does that mean not following this job for now? I have a lot to think about over the next few months. I know entertainment is so competitive, so I may be worrying for nothing, but I am a worrier so I am still worrying.

Especially since he asked me (just a thought, in his words) if I prefered a ring to be a surprise or to pick out my own. Naturally I said a surprise! (:

All for now. More training tomorrow!

One month down...

Six to go! I cannot believe a whole month has gone by. Sometimes I feel like he just left yesterday and other times it feels like he has been gone for ages and ages. I just cannot seem to make up my mind! But basically I am 1/7th of the way done with the deployment. That is the first big tick mark, not days or weeks, but an actual month. When he left we had 232 days to go.

Which is why yesterday on our 200 days to go mark it sucks that we had yet another fight.

Of course I cried. It was mainly a very stupid thing when it boiled down to it, isn't it always? Mainly Ryan didn't think we were communicating enough. I had gone out the night before with my cousin and I was going to be out late, so I emailed him his nightly email from her blackberry at the bar, proud of myself for sending him one that he could read before work if he wanted. If I waited til I got home he wouldn't have had one. I had two drinks with her and was done drinking anything at all by midnight. Then my cousin and I were up talking til almost 3am. Turns out we get along really well and can talk pretty easily, something we never really realized since we don't get to see one another too often.

Then my phone rings at 8am (I am at my aunt Kathy's remember) and it is Amy, Ryan's mom, saying he was online. So I get up and find my aunt's laptop and start talking to him. Kathy coems down around 9am for work and I start talking to her too, then my stomach gets really churny. Typical sour stomach. After I got really sick last year (lost 15lbs in about 2 weeks) my stomach has never been the same. So I run to throw up and Kathy talks to Ryan. I know we were having a serious talk, but I couldn't help it. I had to. He then told me to go back to sleep when I got back and feel better.

I was up sick for another hour. Threw up more. Then finally around 11am I guess I passed out until 1. I felt better when I woke up and my cousin and I just hung out at the house a bit watching the Yankee game. Then I showered and we went to get lunch, which for me was basically a bagel as I did not trust my stomach, and then I drove home. I got home around 4:30pm and I went online and Ryan was on! Then the fight began. Basically what was fought about, discussed, or was mentioned is as follows...

-I was inconsiderate for emailing him a short email from the bar
-I should have emailed him when I woke up after being sick so he knew I was ok.
-He accused me of being too hungover to talk to him. Which is awful since he knows I have no tolerance nor do I ever lie to him, both of which he basically said I did.
-I was making things too much about me.
-I was not being sensitive to what he needed.
-I don't listen or understand.
-And I was pissing him off.

So there was a lot of him yelling at me, aka Caps and exclamation points. Cat called me in the middle of it when I was in tears and I felt awful for answering my phone at all but I was worried it was something from my old job (the lights one) so I had to make sure. But we fought like that for an hour. Then it finally came out he needed to talk to me and he was hurt that I was running off a lot and he knew once I start work at Disney our communication will suffer and he wanted this week to talk to me.

It finally came down to that he approached the subject poorly, he over reacted, he should not have yelled at me, and he was so sorry.

Simply? I thought talking to him nearly every day was an amazing thing. To him it was not enough. And he didn't tell me that well and other things came up, but that was what it boiled down to.

Then we talked normally for an hour even though it was almost 2am for him by the time we were done. I hope this post does not make him sound like a bad guy, because he isn't. Being in Iraq is really starting to get to him and us being apart is hard. We're both winging it as it is our first deployment. Today we talked for over an hour again and everything was great. We did the "What if?" game, not too seriously, but my favorite one was...

2:21pm Ryan
so what if...
what if i bought you a ring and asked you to be my wife and the ring was ugly as hell. lol

2:23pm Allie
i'd say yes then march your sorry behind back to the jewelry store with me to exchange it!

2:23pm Ryan
lol
well what would you pick out?

2:24pm Allie
what do you think i would pick out?

2:25pm Ryan
idk a white band. a round cut maybe. four prongs.

2:26pm Allie
im not picky, just not yellow gold for the band. a plain band. cut could be round or square. not picky on prongs

2:26pm Ryan
what about karat?

2:27pm Allie
sweetie i dont know the difference between a karat and a carrot

2:27pm Ryan
lol

It is weird to vent in a blog. I feel like I may be portraying Ryan or myself or Us in a bad light, and that is not my intention. I just need to vent every now and then, and I appreciate anyone who reads it and provides any input. This experience is difficult, more so than even I imagined, but thank you Readers. Whoever and wherever you are. Whether you are family, friends, or some fellow USMC_gals, I appreciate you being here!

Last Weekend

Well, this weekend was officially my last weekend with Ryan. Friday he came up to DC when I got out of rehearsal, and since he was off work, and it was so good to see him. He met me at Target because I was running an errand for the opera I am stage managing, and then we ran to Old Navy so I could get a shirt for the fourth of July. After that we went and saw Ice Age 3, which was a cute movie. Funny. Sequel-y. I love watching movies with him. The theatre behind my apartment has arm rests that can lift up so you can snuggle like on a loveseat and Ryan always sits with his arms around me, it is really the best way to watch a movie.

Once the movie was over we went back up to my place and made dinner together. I made macaroni and cheese, baked beans, as well as cucumbers in vinegar and pepper. Ryan defrosted and fried chicken and then smothered it in Maurice's yellow bbq sauce that was terrific. It was a damn good dinner. We were watching X-Men on tv while we cooked and ate, then watched Jeff Dunham which was absolutely hilarious.

I hope that works. That was the sketch that Ryan and I died laughing to. Achmed the Dead Terrorist. If it doesn't work, youtube it! Friday night finished off enjoyably... and it was the first time all week I fell asleep without using Tylenol Sleep.

Saturday we woke up and my Dad stopped by on his way back from North Carolina where he was house hunting. We went to the Red Rock Canyon Grill in Silver Spring for lunch and it was nice that we got to spend some time with him. Then Ryan and I went back to my place and watched Grease 2. Not really a fan.... but then we left and drove down to Quantico.

We spent the fourth behind the barracks hanging out with a bunch of guys on the Task Force. We had hot dogs and hamburgers, there was beer and beer pong, sparklers, and a bonfire. It was fun! Then the boys were all drunk and climbing trees to pull down branches to put on the fire. Drunk Marines in trees are not a good idea. But I met another girl named Megan who is on my yahoo group and her husband is deploying with Ryan. We talked for a bit and it is nice to know someone is going through the same things I am. Hopefully we'll keep in touch. I talked to a lot of the guys and had a nice evening. Then someone set off a firework and everyone ran and hid for a bit. No fireworks on base boys! Bad! :P One other guy in Ryan's unit actually has his wife working at Disney! She plays Mickey in Animal Kingdom and stuff. Very cool.

I got tired and went to bed around 1:30am. In the hour or hour and a half Ryan was out there without me he managed to burn his thumb, sprain his finger, and bruise his ankle playing football. Oy. But he eventually came up to bed and then proceeded to hog the blankets all night in the blazing Air Conditioner. He is never cold and then he steals the sheets when I need them most. Men.

Slept in sort of the next day. I slept til 11:30am and Ryan slept til 1pm. Showered and got ready. Then we went and met our friends Dell and Janos for lunch at Chilis. After they dropped us off at the barracks again we went upstairs to nap around 4pm. Four and a half hours later I wake up wondering where the hell I am! We passed out!! Then we scrambled to get air in Ryan's tire, gas, a quick McDonalds dinner, and then start driving me back to DC. We talked in the car on and off.... sort of promised to spend next Saint Patrick's Day together no matter what if possible.

Then when we got to my building it was so hard to say goodbye. Lots of hugging, tearing on my part, more hugging and kissing. Then I gave him my claddaugh ring. I was planning to save it for the busses but I doubted I'd be able to keep it together to tell him why I was doing it, so I did it last night. I have been wearing Ryan's ring since August so I figured he could take mine with him. The claddaugh symbolizes love, friendship, and loyalty, all of which I think symbolize our relationship. I also wanted him to know he always has my heart and now he has a small physical piece of it with him. Last night when we spoke on the phone he told me he put it on his dog tags which made me tear again.

I cried when he really left and we made tentative plans to see one another Tuesday, pending he get off work early and I do not have rehearsal. I hope we can. Really badly.

Still no word on when they're officially leaving, what time or where from, but I am on pins and needles. I found myself randomly sobbing as I fell asleep last night and I couldn't control it. I was also pondering my own life and mortality which freaked me out and made me stay up until almost 3am. I woke up at 11am and now have rehearsal at 5:30.

I miss him so much already.