Life in the NICU

For twenty days our little man lived in the NICU. Being he was nearly six weeks early he still had some growing to do, particularly his heart and lungs. He would have "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels would drop... he usually came out of them on his own but a few were bad enough he had to be stimulated (patted on the back for minor and given oxygen for major) since he started to turn dusky from lack of oxygen. Until he could go five days without a Brady (preterm) or three days post term (37 weeks gestation timeframe), we were staying. Ryan and I were fortunate enough that for the first week of his life we had the option to "room in" at the Naval Hospital. Basically by day four I was discharged but they had extra space so we were allowed to just stay in the room we were in until it was needed again. Since it was the fourth of July long weekend the hospital was pretty deserted. On the day Will turned a week old the hospital got busy again and we sadly had to go home. The staff gave us the option to stay at the Fisher House, but we knew if we had to get in the car and drive regardless we might as well be at home. Fortunately we don't live that far from base so coming back and forth was not too difficult.

My schedule would be to wake up at 8am to get to the hospital by his 9am feeding. I would stay usually through his noon feeding for sure but some days even through his 3pm feeding depending on what I needed to do that day, grabbing a lunch in the galley or cafe. I would do all his changings and feedings and help with his vitals when I was at the hospital. I would usually then go run errands or just go home and eat dinner and shower before returning to the hospital for his 9pm feedings. Some nights I'd stay until close to midnight, others I'd go home by 10:30, and we'd repeat the next day. Ryan, depending on his schedule, would usually come with me at the night feeding and hang out for awhile, or he'd stop by in the late afternoon depending on his schedule with classes and other things.

We tried to make his room and bed personalized and comfortable even if he didn't know the difference. The Lil Man bib we were given was perfect for showing off his nickname that has stuck from birth! Even the nurses and doctors were calling him that. The flag was given to us at his baby shower as "baby's first flag" and we had to bring that in with us for the fourth of July! The blanket he is laying on in the above photo is actually one the NICU gave us that volunteers donated for the babies... he ended up with two nice little blankets and a hat.

Being in the NICU is extremely difficult. It is not natural to leave your baby and walk away and then drive away knowing they are left behind. Don't get me wrong, his doctors and nurses were truly fantastic and I am so grateful for all of them, but it broke my heart every time I left my baby. I cried on more than one occasion, and I am sure post partum hormones did not help matters. I also tried to breastfeed for twelve days and sadly we couldn't make it work. Since I had a breast reduction there was always the risk I wouldn't be able to, but my supply just never fully came in. He was only allowed to breastfeed twice a day as it would exhaust him and burn calories so I had to pump the other feedings and I would never get more than a few milliliters... and the longer that went on the more likely it was that it just wouldn't improve. So at twelve days we had to throw in the towel, but at least he got something from me! That added stress did not help for awhile, that's for sure.

It isn't easy to see your baby hooked up to a mess of tubes and wires either. A feeding tube, sensors that tracked his heart rate, oxygen saturation, and respiratory rate were just some of the many things our little man was hooked up to. He also at different points had an IV and had to be under the UV lights because of his bili score (jaundice). They also tried giving him caffeine to help stimulate his heart as well as vitamin D in his feedings.

The days he had to be under the lights were the worst for me. He could only be held at feeding times for half an hour and then had to be put back... no extra mommy snuggles. By the time he ate and burped our half an hour was nearly over. Add in the fact mommy, daddy, and other people all want to hold him and there isn't much time! He also had to wear a mask over his eyes that he absolutely hated.

This photo above was taken on the day I left the hospital to go home when he was a week old. It was my last little snuggle before I had to get in the car and drive away and I think I cried from the first moment I held him until we got in to our house. Even with both our moms there I still had to go in the shower and cry as it was just an awful feeling. Seeing the "Welcome Baby Will" banner over our fireplace and the nursery all set and Will being across town was just so wrong for me.

Our growly man had a personality from the start though. He loved to be held and snuggled and he hated having his blood pressure or temperature taken. We jokingly said he would be the first case of baby hypertension because when he got mad his heart rate would jump into the 180s or even 200s!

Once his feeding tube was removed he looked like a different baby! He took to bottle feeding like a champ and began to look more and more like his daddy every day. To go home all feedings had to be done by mouth so this was a big step in the right direction for him!

To get sent home he had to pass a few tests, including his hearing test. I think he looked like an adorable little funkmaster DJ with the headphones and hat on, but that's just me! He passed with flying colors.

On Sunday we were able to give our little guy a bath for the first time (for us, not him). Since his umbilical cord was still on we had to just lay down pads and wash him from a bucket with no immersing, but it worked really well and he seemed ok with it! His cord came off the next day naturally, so he is good to go for future baths!

The other big test he had to pass was his car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour and a half without having a Brady. He nearly failed at first because within the first half an hour he was trying so hard to poop he gave himself a small Brady! Luckily the nurses knew why and didn't count it as a full Brady since he was awake and alert and it was under ten seconds... the Bradys in his sleep were much more worrisome. He did restart his test and do nearly two hours in the seat but he passed!

Today we were able to bring our Little Man home, one day shy of him being three weeks old. I know our NICU stay was not as long or difficult as some families, but it still was not easy for sure. I am so glad that at this moment my husband is giving our son a bottle in his room just so I could update my blog for a few moments. I am lucky we fight over who gets to hold him and snuggle him. I am lucky my son is healthy. I am lucky he is finally home.

Let the chaos officially begin! Our lives as we knew them will never be the same.

James William

 So baby Will came early at 34 weeks 5 days and took us all by surprise!

On Tuesday night my husband and I got ready for bed and as I went to hop up into our bed I thought I started to wet myself! I quickly ran into the bathroom and my husband jokingly ask if my water broke. I laughed it off thinking I just had to go to the bathroom and was alright. So we go to sleep and I start feeling some small cramps. It's around ten pm and I could not get comfortable. They started getting worse and worse until about ten thirty when my husband got annoyed and said we were going to go to the hospital. I still had two days of work planned and knew it was too early, I couldn't possibly be in labor! It had to be another false alarm like I had at 31 weeks. 

I told him I was fine but he started throwing things in to a duffle bag asking me what to pack. I had no idea but the cramps started getting worse and worse. I began timing them and they were happening every three to four minutes and lasting thirty to ninety seconds. We ran around like crazy and by the time we got in the car I was yelling every time it hit. 

I had called ahead to labor and delivery and by the time I got in to triage at 11pm I was having contractions almost every two minutes lasting a minute. They looked and told me my water broke already and I'd feel a rush of fluid. Then they mentioned I was already at 6 cm. 

They immediately moved me to a delivery room and I couldn't get off the bed, so they wheeled me there and switched me. I instantly got nauseous and ended up throwing up as soon as they gave me a bag. 

Mind you in five and a half weeks early. I didn't take any Lamaze classes (all scheduled over the next month!) and they were telling me I was too far along for pain meds. Every contraction I was screaming my head off as they told me to "breath out like I was blowing out a candle" and to "control it". Easier said than done. 

My mom was in NJ visiting my grandparents and couldn't get there in time, she was supposed to be my coach/doula! So my husband and I were winging it. He did great but I was in so much pain. The birthing ball didn't help nor did any other position besides being on my back. And for good reason. By midnight I was fully at ten centimeters. I got from six to ten in half an hour and there fully in less than two hours!

The doctors originally thought with how fast I was progressing I couldn't do pain meds but once I hit ten centimeters I was only at +1 or so and stalled. So I agreed (slash begged) for an epidural. There was a student anesthesiologist so it took them a few contractions to get it going but once it did I was in heaven. HUGE amazing difference. I actually managed to nap for two hours or so and relax a bit. 

Once the epidural kicked in I felt fabulous. As you can see by the picture I sent my mom to prove I was ok!

Around 5:30am the doctors said we'd start trying to push. Apparently my pelvis is narrow and our Bean got stuck by my public bone and was not having an easy time. They kept mentioning a c section but he'd get a little closer and then pause again. I could feel my contractions even with the epidural so the doctors were willing to let me keep trying but he kept turtling. 

Finally after three hours plus of pushing James William (aka Will) came into the world at 8:49am. He was blue and quiet and we all held our breath until I heard him cry. My husband got to quickly cut the cord and they whisked him away. I briefly got to hold him for five seconds before they rushed him go the NICU. I sent my husband with him while I passed my placenta and got sewn up. I had a second degree tear but otherwise was ok. 

It took awhile for me to get cleaned up, have the epidural wear off, and go up to a regular room. All the while I kept waiting to see my son! Finally after five hours I got to go to the NICU and see him. 

He's perfect. 

He will have to stay in the NICU for awhile since he keeps having "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation drops. He has to go five days without an episode to go home and he's having about ten a day right now. His bili score was also high so he is under the UV light to help his jaundice. We're also waiting on his blood work to come back and make sure his thyroid is normal. 

I'm still in the hospital and luckily get to see Will often. I'm trying to pump and breastfeed and the kid is a champ so far. 

My mom arrived yesterday to help and my husband is a superstar with him too. 

I can't wait until we can all go home (even though our nursery is still completely in boxes and not ready) but it may be awhile still. 

Thank you for all the prayers and support sent via social media or text or calls. We are all feeling the love so very much and will do our best to keep people updated.  

 

Second Trimester

How are we in the third trimester already? Some days I feel like I have been pregnant forever but for the most part it really has flown. 90% of the time I love being pregnant, I am honestly healthier and feeling better now than I have for the past two years or so and you can't hate that! This post will be a little less photo heavy than my first trimester post since I already did a halfway there post when I was around 20 weeks. The photo above is from the Dining In Ryan and I went to at the end of April that I have yet to blog about. I have that post and our sixth anniversary post and... yea, I have been a terrible blogger. Eep.

Here come the pictures!

What Fruit are you? I believe this week my Ovia app said I was a coconut but the graphics app I use says eggplant.

Due date: August 5, 2016 

How far along: 28 weeks exactly

Next appointment:  May 16th for OBGYN, next scan June 10th

Gender:  It's a boy!

Total weight gain/loss: Oh this is terrible. I kid you not when I say I gained about 35lbs. And I still have three months, and these are the three big growing ones. Yikes.

Exercise: This I have been good! I weight lift 2-3 times week, do prenatal yoga 1-2 times a week, and try and walk the Dup whenever the weather cooperates. I work out more now than I did pre-pregnancy!

Stretch marks: I always had them, but no real noticeable new ones yet. No purple ones anyway.

Swelling: Lots: Yea, that is happening. I now wear a Qalo rubber ring two sizes bigger than my original wedding band and my arms and legs can swell at times too.

Maternity clothes:  90% of the time. I do still fit in my pre pregnancy work out clothes, like my soffee shorts and huge tshirts, but those huge tshirts are starting to get to the not fit over the bump phase and won't last much longer.

Belly button: Very shallow but still innie.  

Sleep: I usually get up 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom and occasionally wake up because I am just a bit uncomfortable.

Food cravings:  Cheese, strawberries, nutella, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!

Symptoms:  My legs will feel crampy at night or in the morning, occasional tiredness, increased appetite, some swelling, and lots of visible veins!

Movement:  I love feeling Bean kick! I have anterior placenta so Bean has to kick a lot harder to be felt, especially by people placing their hands on my belly. Ryan has finally felt him kicking since about Easter but not enough for my liking.

Labor signs: I think I had Braxton-Hicks contractions once or twice but not positive.

What I miss:  Crossing my legs comfortably and sleeping through the night!

What I'm loving:  Feeling Bean kick and that the weather is finally warming up but not too hot.

What I'm looking forward to:  Our baby shower(s), being a bridesmaid in Carrie's wedding, going to New Jersey, Bean getting bigger, and of course his birth!

Best moment this week:  I deadlifted my bodyweight. I couldn't lift that big of number even pre pregnant, so I was pretty proud. And finally getting a burger from Jeff's, my favorite burger place. Craving satisfied!

News:  I passed my gestational diabetes test (woohoo!) and we are officially done with our baby registries! We are registered at Babys'r'us and Target, in case people were wondering :P

Milestones: 3rd Trimester!

Words of wisdom: I am open to any y'all have!

I cannot believe we are 2/3rds of the way done! Our little Bean will be here in about three months. Absolutely crazy. Keep cooking little guy, we cannot wait to meet you.

Bean Check In

Today I officially hit 25 weeks of pregnancy and we had an appointment with the "high risk" maternal fetal medicine department to check in on our little Bean. It has been a rough week and seeing this little guy made it so much better. I caught an awful stomach virus on Tuesday and ended up spending four hours in the ER on an IV trying to rehydrate as I couldn't even keep water down. I missed two days of work and only today am I feeling mostly normal again. Thankfully Bean is healthy and looking fabulous. My mom came in last night and was able to come to our appointment today, she cried pretty much the entire time. Now I know for sure where I get it from!

Our little man on the monitor. I am in love with that profile. How can I not be? He has the swoop of Ryan's nose and Ryan insists that's my "button" (as he calls it) at the end. Our little guy was definitely stubborn, spending most of the appointment breach and facing away from us. Last time they were not able to get a certain shot of the right side of his heart that they were going to go for this time and he still was not willing to show it! Thankfully after me turning on my left side, my right side, my back again, and poking him he finally let us get a quick peek!

Everything looks blissfully normal and on track. Even though he looks a little like a raccoon in the above shot he is measuring right on track, actually five days ahead. At my OBGYN appointment yesterday they said I was measuring at about 25 and a half weeks, so makes sense. He is a whopping 1lb 13 oz and is the 57th percentile for his size. He has a nice big head (inherited from both of his stubborn parents for sure) and for now the thyroid messing with things looks to be a slim chance! Thank goodness. We will go back when I am about 32 weeks for one last (most likely) check on his growth and then we should be good. Now of course there is no way of knowing if his IQ or anything will be effected (another unfortunate side effect) but we are being cautiously optimistic.

We even got a small (and as the tech pointed out not in regs but still cute) salute from our Bean before it ended.

Healthy. Thank you Lord. We are so very blessed! None of us could wipe the smiles from our faces as we left the hospital and I don't think anyone could blame us. Totally worth putting on 25 plus pounds for!

Halfway There!

I cannot believe I am halfway through my pregnancy! I was so scared for most of the first trimester that I would miscarry that it was hard to just relax and enjoy being pregnant. Once we cleared that first hurdle, my thyroid leveled out and I started to feel so much better. I wasn't so bone achingly tired all the time, the nausea faded, and I am actually in the stage where I really enjoy being pregnant. I can go without the waking up many times a night thing but beggars can't be choosers. Some photo updates...

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am so not a fan of the 20 week picture. My husband refused to stand up to take it! Unflattering angle!

When I was about 17 weeks pregnant my friend had her baby shower so I got to pose alongside another pregnant lady! Kristin was about 25 weeks along at this time and she had her shower early so she could be in the state with her family and still travel! Her husband is stationed in Texas. I didn't know I was having a boy yet (as is Kristin) but a lot of people thought I was having a girl because of these pictures since I appear to be carrying higher than her. Just goes to show you every pregnancy is different!

During this time I was also acting in a local community theatre production of A Time to Kill playing Judge Olga Noose. Fortunately I got to wear a baggy judge's robe and sit behind at the bench most of the play, so most people had no idea I was even pregnant! The weekend the show went on I was maybe 19 weeks along.

Of course a major highlight was our anatomy scan right as I hit 19 weeks. We got to see how much our Bean has grown and our tech was wonderful. She gamely turned off the screens to inspect the gender area and wrote down the results in an envelope for us to do our gender reveal that weekend.

On to the survey!

What Fruit are you? According to the Ovia app I am a baby bok choy, the What to Expect app says banana, and my Baby Pics app says pomegranate. Geeze y'all, can't you compare notes?
Due date: August 5, 2016
How far along: 21 weeks 4 days
Next appointment: April 15th for scan at Maternal Fetal Medicine, April 21 for OBGYN
Gender: Baby Boy!
Total weight gain/loss: I have officially gained close to 15-20lbs. I know I am supposed to, but it still wigs me out a bit to see numbers that big on a scale!
Exercise: Lots of walking. Now that the weather has warmed up the Dup and I try and go for walks daily.
Stretch marks: No new noticeable ones yet.
Swelling: I officially cannot wear my rings anymore. It was actually traumatic getting my husband to get my wedding band off after a walk one night. My hands swelled so bad and I nearly threw up when he finally got the thing off my finger, man did it hurt! I also may have started to go into shock. Yea, I will be a peach in labor! It honestly took close to an hour with ice, string and other things and my husband finally just yanking the hell out of it. I now wear my wedding band on my necklace and a giant fake ring I got from a Diamond Candle a few years ago that now fits. 

This was my poor finger not too long after we got the ring off. At least it wasn't as red but it swelled like that for a few days.

Maternity clothes: Yes. I still fit in some old shirts and a stretchy pair of work pants or two but majority of my wardrobe is maternity.
Belly button: Normal but I think starting to get shallower.
Sleep: I wake up between 1 and 4 times a night, usually to pee. I am trying to sleep on my side since I am supposed to, but I keep waking up on my back!
Food cravings: Blood oranges, I have at least one a day! Also still loving sweets but trying to be smart.
Symptoms: Still a little tired sometimes, occasionally a leg cramp or two, hunger... the usual.
Movement: Yes! Bean started moving noticeably for me right before my show! When I was on stage a few times I had to fight to stay in character because that was when he decided it would be a good time to move around. Ryan finally felt him officially kick for sure during this past week. Last week he kind of thought he might have, but a good kick last Saturday night was definite.
Labor signs: None yet thankfully!
What I miss: I did kind of want a drink the other night, but that is so rare it even surprised me!
What I'm loving: Feeling official kicks and movements from Bean. It is wonderful!
What I'm looking forward to: Having the bump be a bit more pronounced and then of course eventually meeting the little stinker.
Best moment this week: Seeing Ryan's expression when he finally felt a good, hard kick from Bean.
News: It's a boy! Thyroid levels are normal, things look good.
Milestones: Anatomy scan, Halfway point, official kicks, Finding out the gender
Words of wisdom: I am ready for any that people may want to share.