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So, this post was written on July 25th and.... I never published it. The next few entries are sort of a catch up for me so stick with me if you can!


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Our little man came home on Tuesday July 19, just one day shy of being three weeks old. It has been crazy and amazing. We are loving every moment and Dup Dup keeps trying to give her "brother" kisses!

Here are our pictures leaving the NICU together (finally!) and going home.

It has been almost a week and Will is already getting so big!

Our baby boy is now almost three months old!! I will get this blog caught up eventually,  I promise!

Life in the NICU

For twenty days our little man lived in the NICU. Being he was nearly six weeks early he still had some growing to do, particularly his heart and lungs. He would have "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels would drop... he usually came out of them on his own but a few were bad enough he had to be stimulated (patted on the back for minor and given oxygen for major) since he started to turn dusky from lack of oxygen. Until he could go five days without a Brady (preterm) or three days post term (37 weeks gestation timeframe), we were staying. Ryan and I were fortunate enough that for the first week of his life we had the option to "room in" at the Naval Hospital. Basically by day four I was discharged but they had extra space so we were allowed to just stay in the room we were in until it was needed again. Since it was the fourth of July long weekend the hospital was pretty deserted. On the day Will turned a week old the hospital got busy again and we sadly had to go home. The staff gave us the option to stay at the Fisher House, but we knew if we had to get in the car and drive regardless we might as well be at home. Fortunately we don't live that far from base so coming back and forth was not too difficult.

My schedule would be to wake up at 8am to get to the hospital by his 9am feeding. I would stay usually through his noon feeding for sure but some days even through his 3pm feeding depending on what I needed to do that day, grabbing a lunch in the galley or cafe. I would do all his changings and feedings and help with his vitals when I was at the hospital. I would usually then go run errands or just go home and eat dinner and shower before returning to the hospital for his 9pm feedings. Some nights I'd stay until close to midnight, others I'd go home by 10:30, and we'd repeat the next day. Ryan, depending on his schedule, would usually come with me at the night feeding and hang out for awhile, or he'd stop by in the late afternoon depending on his schedule with classes and other things.

We tried to make his room and bed personalized and comfortable even if he didn't know the difference. The Lil Man bib we were given was perfect for showing off his nickname that has stuck from birth! Even the nurses and doctors were calling him that. The flag was given to us at his baby shower as "baby's first flag" and we had to bring that in with us for the fourth of July! The blanket he is laying on in the above photo is actually one the NICU gave us that volunteers donated for the babies... he ended up with two nice little blankets and a hat.

Being in the NICU is extremely difficult. It is not natural to leave your baby and walk away and then drive away knowing they are left behind. Don't get me wrong, his doctors and nurses were truly fantastic and I am so grateful for all of them, but it broke my heart every time I left my baby. I cried on more than one occasion, and I am sure post partum hormones did not help matters. I also tried to breastfeed for twelve days and sadly we couldn't make it work. Since I had a breast reduction there was always the risk I wouldn't be able to, but my supply just never fully came in. He was only allowed to breastfeed twice a day as it would exhaust him and burn calories so I had to pump the other feedings and I would never get more than a few milliliters... and the longer that went on the more likely it was that it just wouldn't improve. So at twelve days we had to throw in the towel, but at least he got something from me! That added stress did not help for awhile, that's for sure.

It isn't easy to see your baby hooked up to a mess of tubes and wires either. A feeding tube, sensors that tracked his heart rate, oxygen saturation, and respiratory rate were just some of the many things our little man was hooked up to. He also at different points had an IV and had to be under the UV lights because of his bili score (jaundice). They also tried giving him caffeine to help stimulate his heart as well as vitamin D in his feedings.

The days he had to be under the lights were the worst for me. He could only be held at feeding times for half an hour and then had to be put back... no extra mommy snuggles. By the time he ate and burped our half an hour was nearly over. Add in the fact mommy, daddy, and other people all want to hold him and there isn't much time! He also had to wear a mask over his eyes that he absolutely hated.

This photo above was taken on the day I left the hospital to go home when he was a week old. It was my last little snuggle before I had to get in the car and drive away and I think I cried from the first moment I held him until we got in to our house. Even with both our moms there I still had to go in the shower and cry as it was just an awful feeling. Seeing the "Welcome Baby Will" banner over our fireplace and the nursery all set and Will being across town was just so wrong for me.

Our growly man had a personality from the start though. He loved to be held and snuggled and he hated having his blood pressure or temperature taken. We jokingly said he would be the first case of baby hypertension because when he got mad his heart rate would jump into the 180s or even 200s!

Once his feeding tube was removed he looked like a different baby! He took to bottle feeding like a champ and began to look more and more like his daddy every day. To go home all feedings had to be done by mouth so this was a big step in the right direction for him!

To get sent home he had to pass a few tests, including his hearing test. I think he looked like an adorable little funkmaster DJ with the headphones and hat on, but that's just me! He passed with flying colors.

On Sunday we were able to give our little guy a bath for the first time (for us, not him). Since his umbilical cord was still on we had to just lay down pads and wash him from a bucket with no immersing, but it worked really well and he seemed ok with it! His cord came off the next day naturally, so he is good to go for future baths!

The other big test he had to pass was his car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour and a half without having a Brady. He nearly failed at first because within the first half an hour he was trying so hard to poop he gave himself a small Brady! Luckily the nurses knew why and didn't count it as a full Brady since he was awake and alert and it was under ten seconds... the Bradys in his sleep were much more worrisome. He did restart his test and do nearly two hours in the seat but he passed!

Today we were able to bring our Little Man home, one day shy of him being three weeks old. I know our NICU stay was not as long or difficult as some families, but it still was not easy for sure. I am so glad that at this moment my husband is giving our son a bottle in his room just so I could update my blog for a few moments. I am lucky we fight over who gets to hold him and snuggle him. I am lucky my son is healthy. I am lucky he is finally home.

Let the chaos officially begin! Our lives as we knew them will never be the same.

Bean Check In

Today I officially hit 25 weeks of pregnancy and we had an appointment with the "high risk" maternal fetal medicine department to check in on our little Bean. It has been a rough week and seeing this little guy made it so much better. I caught an awful stomach virus on Tuesday and ended up spending four hours in the ER on an IV trying to rehydrate as I couldn't even keep water down. I missed two days of work and only today am I feeling mostly normal again. Thankfully Bean is healthy and looking fabulous. My mom came in last night and was able to come to our appointment today, she cried pretty much the entire time. Now I know for sure where I get it from!

Our little man on the monitor. I am in love with that profile. How can I not be? He has the swoop of Ryan's nose and Ryan insists that's my "button" (as he calls it) at the end. Our little guy was definitely stubborn, spending most of the appointment breach and facing away from us. Last time they were not able to get a certain shot of the right side of his heart that they were going to go for this time and he still was not willing to show it! Thankfully after me turning on my left side, my right side, my back again, and poking him he finally let us get a quick peek!

Everything looks blissfully normal and on track. Even though he looks a little like a raccoon in the above shot he is measuring right on track, actually five days ahead. At my OBGYN appointment yesterday they said I was measuring at about 25 and a half weeks, so makes sense. He is a whopping 1lb 13 oz and is the 57th percentile for his size. He has a nice big head (inherited from both of his stubborn parents for sure) and for now the thyroid messing with things looks to be a slim chance! Thank goodness. We will go back when I am about 32 weeks for one last (most likely) check on his growth and then we should be good. Now of course there is no way of knowing if his IQ or anything will be effected (another unfortunate side effect) but we are being cautiously optimistic.

We even got a small (and as the tech pointed out not in regs but still cute) salute from our Bean before it ended.

Healthy. Thank you Lord. We are so very blessed! None of us could wipe the smiles from our faces as we left the hospital and I don't think anyone could blame us. Totally worth putting on 25 plus pounds for!

Not Done Yet

So since my stomach issues still seem to be unresolved I'm not done with doctors and testing yet. Although it isn't as bad as it was when I first got sick back in October it still isn't normal. 

I woke up on Saint Patrick's Day not feeling well. I had terrible pain in my back and felt nauseous. I ended up getting sick and forcing myself to get ready for work. On the way to work I was in so much pain I was sobbing on the phone to my mom. I knew once I stood up and got out of the car it would be better but that commute was utter hell. So I called the doctor again. I was done with this. 

I went back to the gastroenterologist on Thursday and they scheduled me for an endoscopy on Monday morning. They will put me under, insert a camera down my throat and take pictures plus a small biopsy in my stomach. Hopefully this will provide some answers. My doctor seems positive it is something we can resolve and I hope he's right. I'm tired of wondering if I'm randomly going to get nauseous and sick for no reason. 

So more tests. More medicine. Let's just hope I get some answers this time and I can be done with this once and for all. I can't believe it's been six months of this. Sometimes it feels like it will never end. God I hope that's not the case! Keep your fingers crossed for me please.

 

Moving Forward

As you may remember I posted a few weeks ago about how I've been under the weather lately... and that may be putting it lightly. I missed almost a week of work, could barely eat, and was terribly nauseous. After a trip to Urgent Care, the ER on base (which was horrible for other reasons) and finally my own doctor we may have some progress. My doctor asked about my family history with gallbladder issues and I told her it was extensive. My mom, grandfather and I believe at least two of my aunts had theirs all removed. She scheduled me for an ultrasound that day to see if I had gallstones and fortunately I did not have any.

 

Just to be sure all was well the doctor sent me for a HIDA scan, basically a nuclear medicine test that checks the function of your gallbladder. The first part of the test I just had to lie there for maybe an hour while they took images of my gallbladder. Then they injected me with something that stimulates the gallbladder to empty it and mark its progress. Some people have zero reactions during this part of the test (which is usually six to eight minutes) and some people get nausea or pain, it just depends on how your body reacts to the dye. Either reaction can mean you're fine (or  not) so I was just hoping for no reaction.

 

Thirty seconds into the dye insertion I felt as sick as I did the first night at work when it all started. I got overheated, horribly nauseous and felt dizzy. Then my stomach felt like it was caving in on itself in pain. The techs had to talk me through breathing normally as tears streamed down my face... and by down my face I mean back into my hair and ears since I was lying down. It was absolute misery. Then, it stopped. It was a long eight minutes though. Afterwards I went and got something to eat from the hospital cafeteria and then went to work being told my doctor would call in the next forty eight hours with the results.

 

She called me less than six hours later.

 

I saw it was her and I knew I probably failed the test. Usually when you get a same day call your results are not optimal. Sure enough my gallbladder is barely functioning. You are supposed to have your gallbladder empty at a rate of 35% or higher. Mine was at a measly 8%.

 

So... we may finally have an answer. I got some bloodwork done this week to rule out any other possiblities, which it did, and now we are waiting for TriCare to process referrals to the gastroenterologist on my PCM's staff and for a surgeon. My doctor said some surgeons won't remove gallbladders without stones present, but with mine functioning at such a low level and the quality of life I've had the past month or so now she cannot see any reason why it wouldn't come out. In the mean time I have four medicines, two of which I take daily and two as needed, and I am eating a very bland diet. No fried foods, now high fibery things, no red meat, no raw vegetables...  basically a lot of the things I normally love are a big NO.

 

But at least it is an answer and hopefully a solution in the near future. Fingers crossed and thanks for sticking with me guys. I haven't blogged much since becomming sick but I am hoping to get back into things again.

Step One - Check!

I meant to write about this yesterday but work (my usual blogging time when it is slow :P ) was crazy when I got there!!! Now if you read these posts you will be mostly up to speed...

So I had my appointment with the plastic surgeon today. I actually ended up being late thanks to the filming of Transformers 3 all over DC. Yes, that is awesome, I want to go watch some if it if I can, but not when my husband and I are running late for my appointment!!! Yikes. I was so nervous too. I was shaking and jittery all morning.

Well we get to the hospital and I met with my doctor and... he approved me for the procedure. Yes it was awkward being in a room topless (with an open front gown really) with my husband, a male doctor, and a male student doctor. I focused on the back wall and went to my happy place and tried not to blush. But Dr. Ducic said I am a good candidate. I am actually a DD, not a D, and asked what size I would want. I said the B/C range and asked his opinion. He said closer to C may be better and more proportionate for me but that is just his opinion.

The whole thing happened to fast. I gave the nurse my information, the doctor came in measured me, looked, discussed somethings, and it was done.

Basically my right one (which apparently is bigger, I had no idea but Ryan said he knew that... heck he looks at them more than I do so whatever) would get 700 grams taken out and my left one 600 grams.

I have to quit smoking three weeks before the operation and for three weeks after (heck if I do six weeks I may as well quit) and Ryan cannot around me either. In the words of Dr Ducic, "Do not smoke near her. Not in the car with her, in the same room with her, or anywhere around her. No smoke. At all." Ok then! He also mentioned he has never once had a complication with a breast reduction surgery and I would not be the first! Statistics were discussed, usually 20% of women are unable to breast feed but none of his patients have ever had that happen. Good stuff.

It is a three hour procedure and I would be kept overnight for observation. He then recommended I take two weeks off of work (yikes) and then no heavy lifting or strenuous activity for six weeks post-op. I would have drains the first three to five days that would then be removed. After fifteen days my stitches would come out. Again, yikes. Ryan offered to take leave to stay with me and my mom offered to come down too if need be.

After the consultation I had pictures taken with a photographer in the studio down the hall (thankfully female) and then met with the nurse. TriCare only gave me a referral for a consultation so the nurse said I had to go back and get one for the treatment and surgery and other visits. Cue 45 fricken minutes on the phone with Dewitt Army Hospital and still NO appointment and NO results. UGH. I will call again Monday and keep trying. I need the referral so the nurse can submit my package to TriCare for approval. With my back problems, physical therapy, xrays, medication... she thinks I am pretty much a shoe in.

TriCare please please please do not screw this up. I am tired of back pain and dents in my shoulders and skin problems and people staring at my chest not my eyes. Thank you.

After we grabbed McDonalds, dropped Ryan off at work and then flew to the office myself. It was billing today so I was adding up things for clients and inputting data (skipped lunch to make up for way lateness) all day! I took half hour lunches (vs an hour) all week to make up for it and need two more next week. Got my nails done, came home, end Friday!



Step 2, my PCM's approval, to follow. Fingers crossed!

Doctors Follow Up

Follow up from this post and sort of this post... the first one is the important one.

On Saturday I go and check the mail again and one of my two referrals came! It was for the plastic surgeon, still waiting on the physical therapist. One step at a time, maybe it's a sign? (:P)

Anyway I get recommended to this doctor and I was a bit shocked it is at Georgetown University Hospital! Way to go TriCare.

Yesterday I call and had to leave a voicemail, which depressed me a bit, as no one was there. I call back today and had to leave another one during my lunch. I am on the phone with my mom and I see a call coming in and I did a "Gottagoloveyabye" to my confused mother who proceeded to call me back during my attempts to schedule. But in the end, I have an appointment for a consultation! I cannot believe it. It is not until October 15th and I got the first appointment of the day so I wouldn't miss too much work... but I have it.

This is something I have considered for ten years now. It just feels surreal that it might actually be under way. And you bet your bottom dollar this is a sure fire way I will quit smoking, a big no no with general anesthesia.

Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So Much is Getting Done!

So this weekend was extremely productive. Ryan and I got a lot done which provided a nice couple of checks on the master list. We stuffed and labeled and stamped all the invites, nearly 100 of them! It took me, Mom, Ryan, and Stefan to get everything in and done, but it was done! I mailed them all off today. Ryan and I also went to the Grand Colonial, our reception venue, and solidified our menu and everything. We picked out all the appetizers, dinner, the wine, and the cake (!!) which sounds so delicious I cannot wait. We also went to another bakery and got Ryan a groomscake for the rehearsal dinner. Hint, if you have ever seen Steel Magnolias you will LOVE his cake! Jill came over Saturday night and spent the night, and until I had a stomach attack we had an awesome time. Stupid stomach. And Sunday was great. I can't go into details, but let's just say we are now one step closer to May 1st.... (:

I still need to call the florist and get transportation and a make up artist, then it is basically all done. PreCana is on Saturday which should be interesting.

Doctors... had an appointment Friday. Starting to get weened off the scary medicine as it wasn't doing what he thought it would, only maybe half. I am now going for a CT scan with IV contrast of my BRAIN because maybe the problem is neurological since my digestive tests are coming back normal. Ugh. I am so sick of being sick. I tried to call the radiology place I went to last time and since the test has an IV and I am allergic to penicillin I can't go there because on the offchance I have a reaction they don't have the equipment for it. So I called the hospital to schedule and waited ten minutes and got disconnected, called again and waited twenty minutes and at 4:59 on the dot they sent me to voicemail as the place closed! UGH.

I ran lots of errands today besides being on the phone for forever. The vet, Dunkin Donuts and the pharmacy for mom, resealing the invites, making dinner... only to be called in to work to work closing shift and getting to eat McDonalds on my way and not my chicken :( Oh well.

Ok, sticking to it. It will all get done. Work tomorrow, job interview with a summer camp in DC on Wednesday... wish me luck!

Tests

So this morning was pretty terrifying for me. I was up at 5am and Don, Patrick, and I were in the car by 5:40am. We drove for half an hour or so to this surgical center where I was the first patient of the day for an endoscopy. For those of you who don't know what that is it is a test where they knock you out and essentially shove a camera down your throat to your stomach, look around, and do a biopsy. I have never been knocked out before, I mean I still have my wisdom teeth! It was so nervewracking for me. And since I couldn't drive myself the guys insisted on helping me out.

I go in to the back and I get a saline IV in my hand while they ask me lots of questions. No I haven't taken advil or aspirin in a week, no I am not pregnant, no I didn't eat or drink after midnight... so I got my blood pressure taken about 10 times, my temperature, and a pregnancy test for good measure. I wasn't lying. I hate when you're female and anytime you're slightly sick they think you are pregnant. Anyway...

I got taken into the back where I had about six sensors attached to me, the blood pressure cuff, the IV, and oxygen in my nose. All the while lying on my side... not too comfy when you're all wired up! The nurses were all talking to me, I know trying to distract me since my heart was racing, and they were commenting on Ryan's boot camp graduation ring that I wear on my necklace (it wouldn't even fit on my thumb). They said it took them back to see a girl with her boyfriend's ring like that. But the next thing I know they are telling me to bite on something to keep my mouth open for the procedure....

And then I woke up. I didn't even know they started let alone finished. The nurse had me get up and let Don and Patrick back to keep me company. It wasn't bad, I was a little tired but fully alert the instant I woke up, which was something I was worried about. The doctor came and told me my stomach was red, so they are testing for some sort of bacteria infection (yikes) but no tumors or cancer (always a plus). He still wants me to have my hydrascan or whatever and a stomach x-ray all for gallbladder purposes so I still don't have many answers.

I came home and slept from 9am-1pm and now I am just a little groggy still. I miss Ryan a lot, I wish he could have been here today. I know if it was possible he would have been in a heartbeat, but I really miss my peanut butter (I'm the jelly obviously, we're total opposites but work to make the best sandwich).

He also told me today he was talking to a career counselor and is petitioning to take his fifth year off his contract. I wonder what that means? I thought he was re-enlisting after the five but now, well, I wonder what is going on? Waiting to hear back!

Thanks for reading.

Stressed, 3 Hour Talk, First overseas fight....

The past two days have been all over the place. On Monday my friend, who I won't name, called me for help. She has had small seizures since she was fifteen but usually she has what they call petite mal seizures, where she basically just zones out for a second. But yesterday she had her first grand mal seizure while on the phoen with her Dad, a neurosurgeon. So instead of going to work I left lunch with Nadia, and went to keep an eye on my friend. Her Dad told me what to do and not to go to the hospital unless it was longer than five minutes. We had dinner and watched movies before she got pretty tired and went to lie down. I also saw a beautiful rainbow earlier when we were driving back to my place, it was a wicked thunderstom with the sun out which was cool but there was this massive rainbow arcing across the sky... anyway.

That night turned out to be incredibly difficult. After I emailed Ryan my nightly email I watched TV a bit and settled down to go to sleep. Around 1am, just as I was dozing, I saw my friend have a grand mal seizure. It was about ten seconds long and she seemed ok, but then at 1:20am she had another one, this one a minute long. I started writing down how long they were and how long they lasted which proved to be useful later. She was on a mattress on my floor so I hopped out of bed and did what her Dad told me to... I kept her head to the side and stopped her from hitting anything the best I could. She came to and was ok and we went to sleep again around 2am. At 3:30am I woke up to hear her starting again. Her seizures always start basically in her left arm, so it would be jerking around and wake me up. This one was bigger and longer, lasting close to five minutes. When she came to again we called her Dad and he said that if she had another one, no matter how long, she had to go to the hospital. Which she wasn't too thrilled with but I told her if she had one more she was going. Sure enough around 4:00am she starts again, punching the mattress and slamming her head around... this one was huge. I literally had to fight to keep her from flipping off the mattress. It lasted almost seven minutes, her breathing was worse in this one, almost high pitched, and it seemed like an eternity before she stopped. So into the car we went.

Her neurologist is in Georgetown, the GW hospital near the Foggy Bottom metro stop, so we drove there at 4:30am. We told her Dad and her friend Jen what was going on as it was happening. We got to the hospital and somehow found our way to the ER and she was taken back straight away. As we're explaining what happened they took blood and put her on a heart monitor the doctor is just asking questions.... then her left arm starts jerking. The Doctor was like, "Are you cold?" And I jumped up and told them she was about to start another seizure. This was about 5:45 am. They held her arms and I held her head and just talked to her, trying to bring her back and calm her down. This one was awful, she clenched her jaw down and turned so red she was almost purple and was nearly foaming at the mouth. I don't know if you've ever seen anyone have a grand mal seizure, last night was my first time, and it is absoutely terrifying. I felt so helpless the entire time. I had about two hours of sleep and it was just rough. The gave her some shot that helped prevent another one from coming and it kind of made her a little loopy for awhile as we sat in the ER for ages. I was on adrenaline and couldn't sleep so I just held her hand while they ran tests.

Around 9am they released her from the ER, but her Dad wanted us to go up to the neurology department before we went home. So up we went. The ran a whole bunch of tests again and my friend told me to leave. She told me to go home and get sleep, they might admit her to the hospital, and she'd call me if she needed me. I felt awful leaving her there, but I had to meet Cat at noon and go into work so sleep was definitely needed. I ended up crashing on Cat's couch for two hours and then we went to the Washington Monument for 1:30pm. Of course we get there are realize our tickets are for 3:30pm, but luckily some lady nearby had two extra she just gave us and we gave ours to a park ranger to give to someone to use at 3:30pm. It was cool up there, I could see my apartment from one side!

In the mean time my friend in the hospital taxied home and her friend Jen came in from Minnesota to be with her and watch her. I wasn't thrilled that the hospital released her. The monitoring room they wanted to send her to for one to three days was booked and she had an MRI scheduled already for Thursday so there was no reason to keep her apparently. Anyway, then we went back and I went and hung lights for about four hours. I got 80% of the job, Rich, Mo, and Cat are going to finish the rest. The next two days I will be packing and cleaning, especially since I couldn't do that at all last night since I was watching my friend.

When I got home Jen texted me saying that she had been there about five minutes when my friend had another grand mal seizure. This one lasted about twenty minutes with a lull in the middle. She was a bit freaked so I calmed her down and they called her Dad who called the hospital. About an hour or two later Jen texted me again saying there was another one, this one even worse than the one previously, and they were going to the hospital to have her admitted. I am kind of terrified. She never had a grand mal seizure before and she had about eight now in the past twenty four hours. She can't drive until they settle this which is hard gfor the fact that she and Jen were supposed to go on a cross country road trip Saturday.

So that was my day yesterday. I caulked my walls, cleaned the stove, started the oven and floors... today I am going to the Salvation Army and packing like crazy, then meeting friends at Colonel Brooks for one last night out.

I wish Ryan was here. This is so hard, after I left her at the hospital I nearly broke down driving, all the exhaustion and fear and terror just caught up with me and I just started crying as I drove. On top of that and work and packing and cleaning I just miss him so incredibly much.

Then of course we had our first fight online today since he's been in Iraq. We managed to talk for three hours, the fight only about half an hours worth in the middle. Basically he was asking me for some certain pictures and I just don't have the time right now. It takes me ages to do those and I am not 100% comfortable with it. But during this talk my facebook told Ryan I logged off so her got mad and sent an angry message and I sent one back saying I was still there and we managed to fix things. Even though for a bit I was scared and crying like the silly worrier I am. Then I just said it was stupid, we can't waste time fighting over this crap, and it will be ok. Now, off to packing!