Thanksgiving and the Future

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday!


So my mom found out Ryan and his friend Garrett weren't going home for Thanksgiving because South Carolina and Nebraska are kind of far... so that is how my boyfriend and one of his best friends ended up in New Jersey with my family for Thanksgiving with me in Disney!!! I was kind of jealous.


Garrett, Ryan, Jill and Derek (cousins), and my brother Stefan in front at my Babci and Poppy's for Thanksgiving

But apparently Ryan asked my parents' permission to marry me while he was there. How do I know that? Because he was nervous about it and told me! Haha. He also let me know that he had been looking at rings since he was in Iraq. He found a diamond and the perfect setting and looked every day for six weeks when he got back.... and he had to tell me THAT because it is so perfect.

Oh my god.

EEE!

Of course no one will tell me how the talk went. My mom pretends to know nothing and I can't ask my dad as I am not supposed to know and Ryan suddenly doesn't want to share! But apparently it "went well". Definitely a good thing. Now that I know that though I want to know when it will happen! And how! And where! I want it to happen so soon but I don't want to know the details and watch it ends up being a long ways away and he just took advantage of the fact that he could talk to my parents without me there. I don't know. Ack.

So now on to our favorite F-Word... the Future.

Ryan and I planned to move in together in DC when I left Disney. Well, I haven't saved as much money as I hoped and I am not having any luck finding jobs so it may not happen. Ryan "splitting" the rent went from 50-50ish to me paying most of it and him helping with other bills. With the money how it is right now I can't do that. So the only solution seems to be me moving home (ugh) again to NJ and working multiple jobs there to save money. It is just so frustrating. I cry over it constantly just because that's how my body reacts to stress. Which sucks.

I just love working at Disney. And if we're going to be apart, again, until February/May/August I wish I could just stay here and work. But I can't. Beneifts and more money and all. Ugh. I don't want to move home. And work in crappy jobs I hate. As I can't find anything, I am terrified I am just going to go back to Kohls and I don't think I can handle it.

I just don't know.

Can I fast forward please?

Meltdown

I sort of lost it last night.

I have been training for a new venue at work, my third, called Where's the Fire?, which is basically like a game show of sorts about fire safety. It is pretty fun, but training is draining. It means very early mornings, 8:15am Saturday, 7:30am yesterday and today, that go until 16:00 or 17:00. It is a long day. And I am not a morning person. So I have been soooo drained.

Ryan's mom and aunts were in DC visiting him for the first time since he got back. So between that and my interesting hours we haven't gotten to talk too much the past few days. I've been asleep early so I can get up early, and he has been up late. Plus he is going back and forth to Fredericksburg because his room mate and best friend Josh had a hole in his lung that leaked into his chest cavity and landed him in the hospital. Eek. Josh is ok, but Ryan is driving a few hours when he can to see him. So it has been a lot of texting lately.

But last night when he called me, even though I had been asleep for an hour, I picked up. I was tired, and stressed (my face is awful, so many breakouts! ugh!), so I was trying to keep things light. But he knew me too well to let that slide. I told him the early mornings were wearing me down and I hated the long days that started so early. Being at work by 7:30am means clocking in by 7:15am which means being on property by 7am. That means I pick up Karli at 6:45am and leave my apartment by 6:30am and I am up before 6am. See the stress?? But he replied, "At least you get to earn a lot of money!"

That was the key phrase that made me lose it.

I said, "I am so SICK of thinking about and talking about fucking money!" and then I burst into tears. Yea, I sort of shocked the hell out of him, he didn't see that coming. Neither did I. I am broke. Why?

Plane tickets to DC, one doctor emergency clinic visit, perscriptions from said visit, gas, perscriptions I take, a flat tire that came out of nowhere, groceries, rent, going to another doctor this Wednesday to finally be checked out, my GPS breaking and dying that day (I need it, it is pretty sad), and knowing my brother's 13th birthday and Christmas are approaching.... and I have no money. I am supposed to be saving to move in with Ryan so we can live together. I am living paycheck to paycheck. I had to turn to my mom for help which makes me feel so ashamed at 22. Money is the reason he may not come see me in Disney, which is so important to me (I need him to see me and my life and friends here or he'll never get what this place means to me).

So I cried. Or sobbed. I couldn't breathe. It was awful. He calmed me down and talked to me and got me to stop and get myself calm and sleep again. I felt so terrible for unleashing on him like that. I still feel hollow today from letting it all out.

Ugh.

I hate money.

Internal Organs: 1, Allie: 0

So last night I had my first major gall bladder attack. It hurt like hell, in the front right of my ribs and across my back. I couldn't lie down, I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit, nothing was comfortable. So Amanda, my room mate, took me to an Urgent Care Clinic that was open til midnight. Luckily it was close by. When we got there the woman said there was a 2-3 hour wait. So we stuck it out.

An hour later my vitals were done. An hour after that I was checked out. Diagnosis? Gall bladder. But there wasn't the right equipment there to take blood or do an ultrasound. So they gave me some anti-nausea medicine and percocet. I was told I could not go to work the next day and given a form and shoved out the door.

Damage? Three hours and $100. Ugh.

I spent the day mostly in a drug filled haze, sleeping on and off, angry I am not at work. I need these days off to go see Ryan. It sucks. We have a basically official date for the homecoming from our FRO person but Ryan is still moving so I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Probably won't for another two or three. Which sucks since I cannot book anything until I talk to him.

Oh, did I mention in all this chaos we had a new room mate move in yesterday? Her name is Chole and she is from South Korea. I totally make awesome first impressions...

Back to the sleepyness....

AMAZING

Yes! Some of you lovely ladies guessed it........... THEY'RE COMING HOME EARLY!!! I am so flippin' excited I do not know what to do with myself!

He called me yesterday and I was in tears on the phone since I was so happy! Since the dates are not perfectly exact, just a small range, I can't request off of work yet. So I am going to go talk to my managers today to give them a heads up and also email the Professor of my upcoming entertainment class and say there is a probably conflict with one of the dates and if it is ok to miss it. It is a pretty darn good excuse in my book!

I am so happy. I just cannot believe he is coming home!

<3

Disney... an update at last!!!

Sorry this took me so long! I have worked long days and was out internet for awhile so this is long overdue!

Day One

I was temporarily without internet because the charming residents in the apartment before me stole the modem! But we reported it and maintenance so it got fixed! So far I am pretty happy here. My room mates are pretty cool, two Amandas and a Kayla. I live with the Amanda from Hawaii (she goes to school there but is from San Diego originally), Kayla and the other Amanda are in the other room and are from Scranton PA and Tennessee respectively.

So Day One Mom and I woke up and went to check in. We got there and I met Amanda, my roommate, in line, and Kayla, the one I was matched with originally was right in front of me. So we all signed in and got our beginning paperwork and spiels. I am living in a 2 bedroom in Chatham Square apartments, the one I wanted, and we got the last one there!!! So we drove over there and unloaded as the skies opened up in a massive down pour. Up three flights of stairs outside with all my stuff in the rain. Oy. But we got it done. After that I went over to casting and spent about three hours going through the place with my room mates. Station after station.... job confirmation, payroll, Disney Look check, background scan, electronic fingerprinting.... it was a lot of standing in line and waiting! But I did get to talk to other people so that was pretty cool.

On the bus back we saw a snake chasing a lizard up and down a fence! The snake intertwined itself in the chain link and was chasing the thing up and down and up and down and the lizard got away! I took pictures so you will see shortly!

We went back and unpacked more, then we all got in the cars and headed to Target. And got lost. Then got there. I got some bedding at Marshalls, blue polka dots, then we had dinner at Subway before going to Target for the rest. Amanda and I did a rubber ducky themed bathroom and we got cleaning supplies and stuff for the kitchen, placemats, doormats, a wireless router etc. Productive shopping trip! We just got home, unpacked, realized the modem was stolen and reported it, then I drove mom back to the hotel. I went to business center using the free internet to email Ryan and then home.

Day Two

Richie texted me that day asking if I had heard from Ryan in the last day or so because Josh hadn't gotten back to her and she was worried with all the bombings going on in Iraq. She was wondering if TFE got called over to help or not but I told her I didn't know. I don't watch or listen to the news but everyone feels the need to inadvertently tell me anyway! Ugh.

After I emailed Ryan that morning Mom and I got breakfast and then went shopping. I got jeans that fit (surprise!) and a rain jacket since Harvey, my brother's rabbit, ate mine and we didn't notice all the holes until I unpacked it. After that I went to sign up for my free Disney class in Entertainment and it took FOREVER. I filled out the piece of paper in thirty seconds but I was there over an hour for the thing. Of course once we fill out the paper only people can go up to hand it in one table at a time then get in another line to have someone read the information back to you since college students obviously cannot read. :P Then I went to my security building and got my decal for my car and the missing items that were not on our apartment inventory. After that I had to go to a Housing meeting that took 2 hours! Basically don't have weapons, don't break anything, no drugs, no minors with alcohol, and you're fine! Somehow still that took 2 HOURS to go through. Then Mom met me and we went grocery shopping, got the starting essentials and came back and unloaded everything. Then we went and got dinner and I dropped her off at her hotel before coming home.

We are still without wireless. We got a modem now but the wrong router! So we are going to have to take it back to Target and get the right one, but at least I can plug this into the wall in the living room and use it to access the internet!

Day Three


My Traditions class for training this day was long, but oddly not too bad. I learned a lot and I got my employee name tag and my pass to get into the parks for free. I also learned Disney is big in Toys for Tots come the holidays so be sure to know I will definitely be volunteering to help with that!! I took the bus back and then changed out of my business attire (black skirt and jacket with a lacy bottom purple tank top, stockings, heels, even pearls in my ears!) and met my mom and my uncle Dave for dinner. He is my favorite uncle as I have told you before so I am disappointed he and Ryan never got to meet. He said he is anxious to meet Ryan when you get back! It was a sad day for him, I don't know how much My cousin Alex, for the past two years or so he has been exploring with Mormonism. He left today for Hawaii as two girls from his church got him a ticket there and he will be there a month. Then he goes to Iowa to work a steel mill thing which will then fund his mission which is about 2 years. So my uncle was heartbroken as he has no idea when he will see Alex again, poor kid is just 19 and has been kind of lost since his parents divorced years ago. He found that family feeling in the Mormon church when his then girlfriend took him with her, and he has been in there ever since. It kind of kills my uncle sometimes, I can tell, he just feels like Alex jumped in too quick or something.

Day Four

What a long day! I saw the sunrise and everything! So I got on the bus around 7:15 and I was in EPCOT and signed in by 8am. I sat through a few videos and slideshows, a lot about Walt Disney's original idea for EPCOT and the stories behind it, then some more cast need to know stuff. Then we split up into three groups and toured the park as part of our "Discovery Day" (all paid too!). It was barely 9:30am when we ventured out so the park was just opening, and the first thing we did was go on Spaceship Earth, the ride inside the giant dome that is THE symbol for EPCOT. It was still early so there was no line, we literally walked right on. It shows how man has changed throughout civilization with these amazing animatronic characters, and in the end it is that giant dome filled with stars and I felt like Ryan were there with me, stars are our thing. Stars in the night sky always make me think of him, and this night sky simulation I saw is probably like what he sees every night out there!

After that we walked around more. We went through Innoventions, where I will be working, and saw all the displays. Then we went over to Club Cool where we got to try samples of Coca Cola from all over the world. Verdict? Worst: Italy, waaaay too bitter. Best? Israel, nice and lemony! Then after that they had all of us stand in this huge circle in a courtyard and told us to wave at one another (to get used to greeting everyone we see) and then turn around outside the circle and start waving to guests. Suddenly the big booming announcer voice comes on and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please direct your attention to FutureWorld West Courtyard and say hello to our newest cast members! Please welcome them to our Disney Family!" And everyone around was waving and even taking pictures of us and cheering, it was cool and slightly embarrassing all at once! But mostly cool. After that we got on our own boat and went around the lake and got to see all the countries in the International section.... Canada, Germany, France, United Kingdom, Morocco, Americana, African Outpost, Japan, China, Italy, Norway, and Mexico. I think that is all of them. Each section is only employed by people who are actually from that country, it is pretty cool! They usually come here for a year long program and work as natives in their section.

Then it was back to the classroom, more videos and slides and get to know you things. Then our trainers came and got us just before noon. Mine was Ginny and only one other girl was Innoventions, her name was Sarah. Ginny took us to wardrobe to get our costume and... mine is just short of hideous. High waisted black pants in the style of what they call "mom jeans" that billow out at the hips and make anyone look wide, a belt (!), and a blue and teal green sort of wide striped vertical button down shirt worn tucked in. Coupled with all black sneakers (no mesh or suede or symbols) I look like an old man with huge hips! We are issued everything (except shoes and socks) including a matching windbreaker, winter coat (for when the time comes, as well as hat, scarf and gloves), and clear long rain jacket. Intense! Every item is scanned out with my ID and I can have five out at a time. When they get dirty I scan them back in and they get washed and repaired if need be for me and I can get more. Oh, and the pants run small, everyone has to get them in two sizes LARGER than what they are, so I am back to an 8 (x 32 length) again which was just a bummer even though I know it isn't my "real" size.

I got my locker and put that away and then Ginny took us to the employee cafeteria for lunch. Good prices and surprisingly good food too. After that we walked over to Innoventions and went through the whole building. I met managers and saw the offices and all. I found out I am a presenter in StormSurge! Which is like a 3D movie/show that is about 10 minutes long (aka 17 pages or so of memorizing) that is all me! Ginny said it was like a one woman show. I basically narrate the film as it happens, so I really cannot mess up! Eek! I don't have my script yet so we shall see how it goes. Then we went down to the basement and I did almost 3 hours of standard computer training. Ick. And not only did you have to listen and pay attention but there were mini quizzes after all the sections. I passed them all and clocked out at 4:30. I was walking back through the exhibit when I saw my dad's cousin John there (I don’t know if I mentioned he and his wife Diane retired down there and he is a bus driver and she works outside Innoventions) and my mom and Diane were in one of the exhibits! They were hanging with my mom today and got her in the park free so she could see where I worked and all. I said a quick hi to him and then went and got my costumes and got back on the bus home.

I quickly got ready and met them all at church. It was a HUGE church, less than five minutes from my apartment, but not the homey feeling of my church :( It is mainly a vacation parish, no one really is a "member" there, it is just a lot of tourists and some employees. And when the priest read the gospel he didn't read it as is, he modernized as he read which was just kind of weird to hear. We really don't do that. You read it how it is written for the gospel and use the homily to explain it and make it relevant as needed.

Anyway after that we went to Olive Garden and had a nice dinner. John and Diane are so incredibly nice, they live like ten minutes from me and know all the insider stuff around here and said I could call them for anything. John usually drives guests the late night shift (7pm-3am for example) so he is VERY familiar with all the routes around here and said if I was ever trashed and needed a ride to call at anytime. That probably will not happen but the offer was sweet all the same! After dinner Mom and I went to Target and I got my ugly black shoes... I literally had to buy men's size 7 since there was nothing in women's that fit the criteria. I then dropped Mom off at home and I got a glimpse of the Magic Kingdom fireworks as I drove on Rt 192.

I get to "sleep in" the next day. I don't have to be at work until 12:45 so I am getting on the bus around 11:45 maybe. Then I have what Ginny called the "mind stuffing" where we will get a lot of information thrown at us the first half with more computer quizzes. The second half we get Illuminations duty. Innoventions closes at 7pm everyday and if we are working closing we help set up and control the parade which is called Illuminations. It is something I remember from being 5 years old and there, a huge waterfront parade and fireworks show! I will be seeing it a lot I guess now. And I absolutely love love love fireworks so I am ok with that!

Oh! Mc messaged me that day, he got the box my family and I sent last Saturday! It hasn't even been 2 weeks yet! I have steadily sent Ryan boxes since the fourth and he has yet to get even one! :(

Day Five

Today was the first day I got to hear from Ryan since Day One when he called me during move in. We kept missing one another and it was so so so so so so so sooooooo good to hear his voice. I have missed talking to him so much! He sounded so sad though, it almost broke my heart :(. I thought about him the rest of the day, especially at fireworks duty that night. He would have loved the show and I would have loved to watch it with him by my side. I know things are crazy now since I am training but hopefully I will get a more solid schedule soon and we can talk more. I felt bad the whole phone call backstage, aka where guests cannot go, was right near the ride called Test Track and the cars were zooming by every two seconds at 70 mph during the ten minute call!

Work was actually fun. My feet hurt like hell and the costume was nice and hideous, but it was cool being there! I did some more safety training stuff in the training room, but then Hugh, our trainer, took us through the exhibits and let us watch the shows and see where we work. I have yet to see STORM STRUCK! though which is where I will be! My group had Sarah from yesterday, then a girl from Honduras, one from South Korea, and one from Peru! We were quite a mix! I even got to go into the EPCOT tunnels!!!! I was so excited. The literally only run under Innoventions, so they are much smaller than the Magic Kingdom ones, but it was still cool. As we were walking around I saw Chip and Dale come down and start removing their heads and unzipping the costumes as they walked..... so strange! Especially to go up the stairs and see a fully costumed Chip and Dale waiting to go outside to interact with the guests!!!! They said hi to us, silently naturally, and as we went to leave the tunnels we saw it was POURING yet again. So Chip and Dale did the silent fist pump of victory as they got to go into the air-conditioned indoor character spot instead of the outside one in the sun!

At night I got to do Illuminations Parade duty. It was so cool. Tonight we actually got to watch the whole show so we can say we have seen it all, and we were in the best spot ever. In front of the ropes closer than anyone else!!!! Normally we do crowd control and block off areas and just make sure people aren't stupid, but tonight we just got to watch. Then my second favorite part of the day happened, the first being talking to Ryan! After the fireworks we hurried towards the entrance and stood on the big fountain that is there. We were all given Mickey Mouse stuffed glove hand things and we waved goodbye to all the guests as they left. Everyone had the biggest smiles on their faces as they waved back to us. I got high fives even from ambitious kids who jumped high enough! We all said things like, "Thanks for coming! See you again soon! Goodnight! Thanks again! Good luck finding your car in the parking lot!" It was amazing. Everyone was just so happy and replied to us with so much energy even though we all were exhausted! I hope I get to close a lot, parade duty is amazing and doing that goodbye thing would make me smile even on the worst days. Then I took the bus home and there were all the international kids on my bus! Norway, Mexico, Italy, Germany, Japan, China.... I honestly heard about six different languages on the bus alone! When I got home I then took my room mate Amanda (the one from University of Haiwaii) to Walmart... it still boggles my mind they are 24 hours down here. And it was packed! So she did her grocery shopping and I got home about twelve thirty in the morning....... the latest I had been up since moving here!

Day Six

A day off!!!! Mom, Dad, and Stefan came to my apartment and I moved the rest of my stuff in and then we met Dad’s cousin who got them into Hollywood Studios (aka MGM) for free with me since my passes for guests don’t work yet. I spent the day with them there and it was cool, I love that park! I got to be in a stunt show too in the backlot studio tour! I was the Crazy deckhand who got shot at and completely soaked!

But sad news..... I went to the Indiana Jones stunt show and as we’re leaving this bitch knocked me from behind and made me drop my camera and it broke! My camera is like it is a part of me first of all, but this is the camera Ryan gave me for our anniversary. It means so much to me and I honestly cried right there in the park. It won’t work anymore. :(

When I got home though I made dinner and then my phone rang... Don’t Stop Believin! It was Ryan! That is his ringtone!!!!!! It was after six so it was late for him so I was surprised. We got to really really talk for about half an hour and it was great to hear his voice. Then he had to go, so I sadly finished dinner and then my phone rang again! He had to call me back as he wanted to talk more and I loved it. So I got over an hour to talk to him. But then when he went to say goodbye this time I kind of lost it. I honestly started crying which just came out of nowhere. I felt awful for doing it but we talked a bit more than I calmed down.

I went outside to relax a bit and breathe and I met the guys who live across the hall from me who just moved in. One is going to be Tigger in Magic Kingdom! Pretty cool. We chatted a bit then I came back in here and compiled this way too long of a post. Thanks for reading if anyone did! Tomorrow my best friend Sam is coming here and seeing the place then the family and us are going to a park to hang out. And Jess, my friend from school, is coming too! Yay!

Whew.

Stressed, 3 Hour Talk, First overseas fight....

The past two days have been all over the place. On Monday my friend, who I won't name, called me for help. She has had small seizures since she was fifteen but usually she has what they call petite mal seizures, where she basically just zones out for a second. But yesterday she had her first grand mal seizure while on the phoen with her Dad, a neurosurgeon. So instead of going to work I left lunch with Nadia, and went to keep an eye on my friend. Her Dad told me what to do and not to go to the hospital unless it was longer than five minutes. We had dinner and watched movies before she got pretty tired and went to lie down. I also saw a beautiful rainbow earlier when we were driving back to my place, it was a wicked thunderstom with the sun out which was cool but there was this massive rainbow arcing across the sky... anyway.

That night turned out to be incredibly difficult. After I emailed Ryan my nightly email I watched TV a bit and settled down to go to sleep. Around 1am, just as I was dozing, I saw my friend have a grand mal seizure. It was about ten seconds long and she seemed ok, but then at 1:20am she had another one, this one a minute long. I started writing down how long they were and how long they lasted which proved to be useful later. She was on a mattress on my floor so I hopped out of bed and did what her Dad told me to... I kept her head to the side and stopped her from hitting anything the best I could. She came to and was ok and we went to sleep again around 2am. At 3:30am I woke up to hear her starting again. Her seizures always start basically in her left arm, so it would be jerking around and wake me up. This one was bigger and longer, lasting close to five minutes. When she came to again we called her Dad and he said that if she had another one, no matter how long, she had to go to the hospital. Which she wasn't too thrilled with but I told her if she had one more she was going. Sure enough around 4:00am she starts again, punching the mattress and slamming her head around... this one was huge. I literally had to fight to keep her from flipping off the mattress. It lasted almost seven minutes, her breathing was worse in this one, almost high pitched, and it seemed like an eternity before she stopped. So into the car we went.

Her neurologist is in Georgetown, the GW hospital near the Foggy Bottom metro stop, so we drove there at 4:30am. We told her Dad and her friend Jen what was going on as it was happening. We got to the hospital and somehow found our way to the ER and she was taken back straight away. As we're explaining what happened they took blood and put her on a heart monitor the doctor is just asking questions.... then her left arm starts jerking. The Doctor was like, "Are you cold?" And I jumped up and told them she was about to start another seizure. This was about 5:45 am. They held her arms and I held her head and just talked to her, trying to bring her back and calm her down. This one was awful, she clenched her jaw down and turned so red she was almost purple and was nearly foaming at the mouth. I don't know if you've ever seen anyone have a grand mal seizure, last night was my first time, and it is absoutely terrifying. I felt so helpless the entire time. I had about two hours of sleep and it was just rough. The gave her some shot that helped prevent another one from coming and it kind of made her a little loopy for awhile as we sat in the ER for ages. I was on adrenaline and couldn't sleep so I just held her hand while they ran tests.

Around 9am they released her from the ER, but her Dad wanted us to go up to the neurology department before we went home. So up we went. The ran a whole bunch of tests again and my friend told me to leave. She told me to go home and get sleep, they might admit her to the hospital, and she'd call me if she needed me. I felt awful leaving her there, but I had to meet Cat at noon and go into work so sleep was definitely needed. I ended up crashing on Cat's couch for two hours and then we went to the Washington Monument for 1:30pm. Of course we get there are realize our tickets are for 3:30pm, but luckily some lady nearby had two extra she just gave us and we gave ours to a park ranger to give to someone to use at 3:30pm. It was cool up there, I could see my apartment from one side!

In the mean time my friend in the hospital taxied home and her friend Jen came in from Minnesota to be with her and watch her. I wasn't thrilled that the hospital released her. The monitoring room they wanted to send her to for one to three days was booked and she had an MRI scheduled already for Thursday so there was no reason to keep her apparently. Anyway, then we went back and I went and hung lights for about four hours. I got 80% of the job, Rich, Mo, and Cat are going to finish the rest. The next two days I will be packing and cleaning, especially since I couldn't do that at all last night since I was watching my friend.

When I got home Jen texted me saying that she had been there about five minutes when my friend had another grand mal seizure. This one lasted about twenty minutes with a lull in the middle. She was a bit freaked so I calmed her down and they called her Dad who called the hospital. About an hour or two later Jen texted me again saying there was another one, this one even worse than the one previously, and they were going to the hospital to have her admitted. I am kind of terrified. She never had a grand mal seizure before and she had about eight now in the past twenty four hours. She can't drive until they settle this which is hard gfor the fact that she and Jen were supposed to go on a cross country road trip Saturday.

So that was my day yesterday. I caulked my walls, cleaned the stove, started the oven and floors... today I am going to the Salvation Army and packing like crazy, then meeting friends at Colonel Brooks for one last night out.

I wish Ryan was here. This is so hard, after I left her at the hospital I nearly broke down driving, all the exhaustion and fear and terror just caught up with me and I just started crying as I drove. On top of that and work and packing and cleaning I just miss him so incredibly much.

Then of course we had our first fight online today since he's been in Iraq. We managed to talk for three hours, the fight only about half an hours worth in the middle. Basically he was asking me for some certain pictures and I just don't have the time right now. It takes me ages to do those and I am not 100% comfortable with it. But during this talk my facebook told Ryan I logged off so her got mad and sent an angry message and I sent one back saying I was still there and we managed to fix things. Even though for a bit I was scared and crying like the silly worrier I am. Then I just said it was stupid, we can't waste time fighting over this crap, and it will be ok. Now, off to packing!