Life in the NICU

For twenty days our little man lived in the NICU. Being he was nearly six weeks early he still had some growing to do, particularly his heart and lungs. He would have "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels would drop... he usually came out of them on his own but a few were bad enough he had to be stimulated (patted on the back for minor and given oxygen for major) since he started to turn dusky from lack of oxygen. Until he could go five days without a Brady (preterm) or three days post term (37 weeks gestation timeframe), we were staying. Ryan and I were fortunate enough that for the first week of his life we had the option to "room in" at the Naval Hospital. Basically by day four I was discharged but they had extra space so we were allowed to just stay in the room we were in until it was needed again. Since it was the fourth of July long weekend the hospital was pretty deserted. On the day Will turned a week old the hospital got busy again and we sadly had to go home. The staff gave us the option to stay at the Fisher House, but we knew if we had to get in the car and drive regardless we might as well be at home. Fortunately we don't live that far from base so coming back and forth was not too difficult.

My schedule would be to wake up at 8am to get to the hospital by his 9am feeding. I would stay usually through his noon feeding for sure but some days even through his 3pm feeding depending on what I needed to do that day, grabbing a lunch in the galley or cafe. I would do all his changings and feedings and help with his vitals when I was at the hospital. I would usually then go run errands or just go home and eat dinner and shower before returning to the hospital for his 9pm feedings. Some nights I'd stay until close to midnight, others I'd go home by 10:30, and we'd repeat the next day. Ryan, depending on his schedule, would usually come with me at the night feeding and hang out for awhile, or he'd stop by in the late afternoon depending on his schedule with classes and other things.

We tried to make his room and bed personalized and comfortable even if he didn't know the difference. The Lil Man bib we were given was perfect for showing off his nickname that has stuck from birth! Even the nurses and doctors were calling him that. The flag was given to us at his baby shower as "baby's first flag" and we had to bring that in with us for the fourth of July! The blanket he is laying on in the above photo is actually one the NICU gave us that volunteers donated for the babies... he ended up with two nice little blankets and a hat.

Being in the NICU is extremely difficult. It is not natural to leave your baby and walk away and then drive away knowing they are left behind. Don't get me wrong, his doctors and nurses were truly fantastic and I am so grateful for all of them, but it broke my heart every time I left my baby. I cried on more than one occasion, and I am sure post partum hormones did not help matters. I also tried to breastfeed for twelve days and sadly we couldn't make it work. Since I had a breast reduction there was always the risk I wouldn't be able to, but my supply just never fully came in. He was only allowed to breastfeed twice a day as it would exhaust him and burn calories so I had to pump the other feedings and I would never get more than a few milliliters... and the longer that went on the more likely it was that it just wouldn't improve. So at twelve days we had to throw in the towel, but at least he got something from me! That added stress did not help for awhile, that's for sure.

It isn't easy to see your baby hooked up to a mess of tubes and wires either. A feeding tube, sensors that tracked his heart rate, oxygen saturation, and respiratory rate were just some of the many things our little man was hooked up to. He also at different points had an IV and had to be under the UV lights because of his bili score (jaundice). They also tried giving him caffeine to help stimulate his heart as well as vitamin D in his feedings.

The days he had to be under the lights were the worst for me. He could only be held at feeding times for half an hour and then had to be put back... no extra mommy snuggles. By the time he ate and burped our half an hour was nearly over. Add in the fact mommy, daddy, and other people all want to hold him and there isn't much time! He also had to wear a mask over his eyes that he absolutely hated.

This photo above was taken on the day I left the hospital to go home when he was a week old. It was my last little snuggle before I had to get in the car and drive away and I think I cried from the first moment I held him until we got in to our house. Even with both our moms there I still had to go in the shower and cry as it was just an awful feeling. Seeing the "Welcome Baby Will" banner over our fireplace and the nursery all set and Will being across town was just so wrong for me.

Our growly man had a personality from the start though. He loved to be held and snuggled and he hated having his blood pressure or temperature taken. We jokingly said he would be the first case of baby hypertension because when he got mad his heart rate would jump into the 180s or even 200s!

Once his feeding tube was removed he looked like a different baby! He took to bottle feeding like a champ and began to look more and more like his daddy every day. To go home all feedings had to be done by mouth so this was a big step in the right direction for him!

To get sent home he had to pass a few tests, including his hearing test. I think he looked like an adorable little funkmaster DJ with the headphones and hat on, but that's just me! He passed with flying colors.

On Sunday we were able to give our little guy a bath for the first time (for us, not him). Since his umbilical cord was still on we had to just lay down pads and wash him from a bucket with no immersing, but it worked really well and he seemed ok with it! His cord came off the next day naturally, so he is good to go for future baths!

The other big test he had to pass was his car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour and a half without having a Brady. He nearly failed at first because within the first half an hour he was trying so hard to poop he gave himself a small Brady! Luckily the nurses knew why and didn't count it as a full Brady since he was awake and alert and it was under ten seconds... the Bradys in his sleep were much more worrisome. He did restart his test and do nearly two hours in the seat but he passed!

Today we were able to bring our Little Man home, one day shy of him being three weeks old. I know our NICU stay was not as long or difficult as some families, but it still was not easy for sure. I am so glad that at this moment my husband is giving our son a bottle in his room just so I could update my blog for a few moments. I am lucky we fight over who gets to hold him and snuggle him. I am lucky my son is healthy. I am lucky he is finally home.

Let the chaos officially begin! Our lives as we knew them will never be the same.

James William

 So baby Will came early at 34 weeks 5 days and took us all by surprise!

On Tuesday night my husband and I got ready for bed and as I went to hop up into our bed I thought I started to wet myself! I quickly ran into the bathroom and my husband jokingly ask if my water broke. I laughed it off thinking I just had to go to the bathroom and was alright. So we go to sleep and I start feeling some small cramps. It's around ten pm and I could not get comfortable. They started getting worse and worse until about ten thirty when my husband got annoyed and said we were going to go to the hospital. I still had two days of work planned and knew it was too early, I couldn't possibly be in labor! It had to be another false alarm like I had at 31 weeks. 

I told him I was fine but he started throwing things in to a duffle bag asking me what to pack. I had no idea but the cramps started getting worse and worse. I began timing them and they were happening every three to four minutes and lasting thirty to ninety seconds. We ran around like crazy and by the time we got in the car I was yelling every time it hit. 

I had called ahead to labor and delivery and by the time I got in to triage at 11pm I was having contractions almost every two minutes lasting a minute. They looked and told me my water broke already and I'd feel a rush of fluid. Then they mentioned I was already at 6 cm. 

They immediately moved me to a delivery room and I couldn't get off the bed, so they wheeled me there and switched me. I instantly got nauseous and ended up throwing up as soon as they gave me a bag. 

Mind you in five and a half weeks early. I didn't take any Lamaze classes (all scheduled over the next month!) and they were telling me I was too far along for pain meds. Every contraction I was screaming my head off as they told me to "breath out like I was blowing out a candle" and to "control it". Easier said than done. 

My mom was in NJ visiting my grandparents and couldn't get there in time, she was supposed to be my coach/doula! So my husband and I were winging it. He did great but I was in so much pain. The birthing ball didn't help nor did any other position besides being on my back. And for good reason. By midnight I was fully at ten centimeters. I got from six to ten in half an hour and there fully in less than two hours!

The doctors originally thought with how fast I was progressing I couldn't do pain meds but once I hit ten centimeters I was only at +1 or so and stalled. So I agreed (slash begged) for an epidural. There was a student anesthesiologist so it took them a few contractions to get it going but once it did I was in heaven. HUGE amazing difference. I actually managed to nap for two hours or so and relax a bit. 

Once the epidural kicked in I felt fabulous. As you can see by the picture I sent my mom to prove I was ok!

Around 5:30am the doctors said we'd start trying to push. Apparently my pelvis is narrow and our Bean got stuck by my public bone and was not having an easy time. They kept mentioning a c section but he'd get a little closer and then pause again. I could feel my contractions even with the epidural so the doctors were willing to let me keep trying but he kept turtling. 

Finally after three hours plus of pushing James William (aka Will) came into the world at 8:49am. He was blue and quiet and we all held our breath until I heard him cry. My husband got to quickly cut the cord and they whisked him away. I briefly got to hold him for five seconds before they rushed him go the NICU. I sent my husband with him while I passed my placenta and got sewn up. I had a second degree tear but otherwise was ok. 

It took awhile for me to get cleaned up, have the epidural wear off, and go up to a regular room. All the while I kept waiting to see my son! Finally after five hours I got to go to the NICU and see him. 

He's perfect. 

He will have to stay in the NICU for awhile since he keeps having "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation drops. He has to go five days without an episode to go home and he's having about ten a day right now. His bili score was also high so he is under the UV light to help his jaundice. We're also waiting on his blood work to come back and make sure his thyroid is normal. 

I'm still in the hospital and luckily get to see Will often. I'm trying to pump and breastfeed and the kid is a champ so far. 

My mom arrived yesterday to help and my husband is a superstar with him too. 

I can't wait until we can all go home (even though our nursery is still completely in boxes and not ready) but it may be awhile still. 

Thank you for all the prayers and support sent via social media or text or calls. We are all feeling the love so very much and will do our best to keep people updated.  

 

North Carolina Baby Shower

This past weekend, June 18th, we had our local baby shower with our friends and my immediate family. Our friends Mark and Kayla generously offered to open their home to us and host and they did an amazing job! Kayla seriously put together a baby shower our of Pinterest with the help of her mom and my mom and I was blown away. Sadly we had a few last minute cancellations and a lot of my family couldn't travel down because of it being Father's Day weekend, but the crowd we had was wonderful and I am so thankful to all those who were able to be there and celebrate with us.

Bean's nursery is safari themed because of my love of giraffes and that was the theme of our shower! Welcome to the Jungle greeted us when we came in, plus tons of food (twigs, cheetah tails, elephant snacks, zebra cakes...), a blue candy bar for making your own goody bag (with my mom's famous Chocolate Covered Oreos) and a cargo table for presents!

The "watering hole" had jungle juice (not the same kind I had in college I promise), desserts were zebra cakes and tiger tails, plus Ka the sandwich snake! How cool right?!?

Sorry for my shaky editing, but now we are revealing our Bean's chosen name, James William, aka Will. Men in my husband's family go by their middle names, him included, so baby Will is going to follow that tradition. James is after Ryan's grandfather (who went by his middle name Doug and told him, "Son, never name a kid Doug.") who passed away in the first year we were married and was like a father to him. William is after my dad (who is really my stepdad) since I always regretted not having him legally adopt me and this is my small tribute to him.

So baby Will it is! With a small cameo by Jeffrey the Giraffe on the bottom left there.

Ryan and I were once again blown away by everyone's generosity! Our cargo table was definitely full!

Our party guests... at the top is our best friend Donna, in the middle are my coworkers Jennie, her husband Kevin, and Lauren, and on the bottom is my husband's former Master Sergeant and his wife.

The top picture here are our hosts, Mark and Kayla, and my brother Stefan, and of course the bottom is my brother and my mom. Looking at these photos I can see how huge I have gotten as I am nearing the end of my pregnancy and we still have at least 7 weeks to go before full term! Yikes!

Between both our showers we know this baby is so incredibly loved and we are one blessed family. Thank you to everyone who came to either of our showers, sent a gift, or sent us love from afar! Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Bean Check In

Today I officially hit 25 weeks of pregnancy and we had an appointment with the "high risk" maternal fetal medicine department to check in on our little Bean. It has been a rough week and seeing this little guy made it so much better. I caught an awful stomach virus on Tuesday and ended up spending four hours in the ER on an IV trying to rehydrate as I couldn't even keep water down. I missed two days of work and only today am I feeling mostly normal again. Thankfully Bean is healthy and looking fabulous. My mom came in last night and was able to come to our appointment today, she cried pretty much the entire time. Now I know for sure where I get it from!

Our little man on the monitor. I am in love with that profile. How can I not be? He has the swoop of Ryan's nose and Ryan insists that's my "button" (as he calls it) at the end. Our little guy was definitely stubborn, spending most of the appointment breach and facing away from us. Last time they were not able to get a certain shot of the right side of his heart that they were going to go for this time and he still was not willing to show it! Thankfully after me turning on my left side, my right side, my back again, and poking him he finally let us get a quick peek!

Everything looks blissfully normal and on track. Even though he looks a little like a raccoon in the above shot he is measuring right on track, actually five days ahead. At my OBGYN appointment yesterday they said I was measuring at about 25 and a half weeks, so makes sense. He is a whopping 1lb 13 oz and is the 57th percentile for his size. He has a nice big head (inherited from both of his stubborn parents for sure) and for now the thyroid messing with things looks to be a slim chance! Thank goodness. We will go back when I am about 32 weeks for one last (most likely) check on his growth and then we should be good. Now of course there is no way of knowing if his IQ or anything will be effected (another unfortunate side effect) but we are being cautiously optimistic.

We even got a small (and as the tech pointed out not in regs but still cute) salute from our Bean before it ended.

Healthy. Thank you Lord. We are so very blessed! None of us could wipe the smiles from our faces as we left the hospital and I don't think anyone could blame us. Totally worth putting on 25 plus pounds for!

First Trimester

The Monday before Thanksgiving was when I decided to finally take a pregnancy test. All month Ryan kept saying he had a good feeling that this was our month and I finally started to agree with him. What tipped me over the edge was that I was lying in bed that morning, watching a youtube video of Pentatonix singing a Star Wars tribute at the American Music Awards when something unusual happened.... when the orchestra joined them I started crying! Even though my period wasn't due for another two days I decided to test and sure enough....

Positive! Once again I went nuts, jumping up and down and yelling and scaring the dog. Ryan was at work so I texted him asking if I could bring him lunch. I was bursting to tell him! He agreed so I grabbed some Panera and drove to meet him at work. It was freezing out so I was sitting in the car waiting for him (like last time, ironically) and he was waving at me to come in to the office. I told him no and to come and sit in the car for a second and my smart alec husband goes, "Why, are you pregnant?"

Yes! I didn't plan on videoing it or anything like last time but it was funny and very typical of us (see our engagement for an example) regardless. He was so excited and there were tears on both ends. We called both our parents that day, but kept it pretty quiet from everyone else for a bit. I went to the doctor the next day to do their test and I overhydrated! Imagine my surprise when the hospital calls and says my test was negative! So I went back the next day and we got our positive. Whew. Over Thanksgiving we told Ryan's grandmother and sister, but kept it quiet from everyone else for the most part. Over the next few weeks we let our very close friends know but after our previous loss we didn't want to get too excited too soon.

I didn't even start progress pictures until week 8 because I didn't want to jinx anything! Week 5-6 was brutal regardless and I ended up in the ER unable to keep even water down, but luckily I started vitamin b6 and have been ok for the most part since. Thank you pregnancy pops and drops too!

We told my (extended) family about my pregnancy a little earlier than we would have planned, but being we were in New Jersey for Christmas and able to tell them in person was too big an opportunity to pass up. To tell my 93 year old Poppy and 90 year old Babci in person they were going to be great grandparents again was wonderful. Poppy had tears in his eyes and it was so special for Ryan and I to do... so we told them early!

I feel like in the early pictures I look so so exhausted! I was sleeping 9 to 11 hours a night and still tired. Combination first trimester and thyroid for sure.

Week 10 was when I had my first official appointment with a midwife. At around week 8 I met with a nurse but it was just the preliminary sort of appointment. This time we got to actually see our Bean (the nickname has stuck for now!) and hear the heartbeat. I cried the entire time and Ryan had the goofiest smile... it was amazing. We had quite the surprise with the thyroid diagnosis at this appointment but we got the ball rolling on that treatment within 24 hours. I am so thankful for my midwife for that.

Bean was moving around like crazy. In the above one you can see Bean is kind of waving at us, but we also saw so much movement and flipping around. Plus we saw the thumping and pumping of the heart.

And here was the transition to maternity clothes. I can still fit in my pre pregnancy clothes but buttons and zippers are not comfy when you're bloated! The below outfit is a pregnancy top and pregnancy leggings and I loved it.

Dup usually loves to be close and rest her head on us, but I couldn't resist this picture. I was working on my lines for a show I am in and she snuggled right in. Sometimes I think she knows I am pregnant, other times she practically knocks me down and I roll my eyes and forget it!

Weekly Pregnancy Survey:

What Fruit are you? I believe this week my Ovia app said I was a beet but the graphics app I use says lemon.

Due date: August 5, 2016 

How far along: 14 weeks 3 days

Next appointment:  March 7th

Gender:  Unknown so far!

Total weight gain/loss: About 7-8 pounds... officially the heaviest I have ever been in my life and we got a ways to go! 

Exercise: Um... I have to walk really far from my car to the new library branch I transferred to? When the weather is nice we take the Dup for walks but it has been cold and rainy here lately.

Stretch marks: I always had them, but no real noticeable new ones yet.

Swelling: My fingers look a little swollen around my rings but nothing major

Maternity clothes: Maternity jeans are my new favorite thing! I have a few shirts and a pair of leggings too

Belly button: Normal  

Sleep: Starting to get really uncomfortable. I wake up at least once a night to pee but my back has been bothering me lately so I do lots of tossing and turning, even with my big body pillow

Food cravings:  Mango has been the big one! I love fruit... watermelon, starfruit, berries. All good! I also love French fries but try to not have them often. Pancakes from Cracker Barrel have won my soul over too.

Symptoms:  It is hard to tell sometimes if it is my thyroid or pregnancy sometimes! I get super hungry every now and then and have some major fatigue still. Skin has been breaking out and my chest has grown like crazy. I occasionally get some cramping but nothing bad or worrisome.

Movement:  I thought I felt a flutter once but it could have been gas :P

Labor signs: None yet thankfully!

What I miss:  Not too much, but I did want eggs benedict the other day and research said that was a no due to the runny eggs. Bummer.

What I'm loving:  That I am starting to have a slightly noticeable bump that isn't just bloating. Soon I will actually look pregnant and not just chubby!

What I'm looking forward to:  The bump short term, and feeling Bean move... and long term meeting Bean!

Best moment this week:  Lounging in sweat pants all day to watch the Super Bowl. I was a comfy and happy pregnant lady!

News:  Anatomy scan scheduled for March 7th. Officially classified as a 'high risk pregnancy' due to my thyroid.

Milestones: 2nd Trimester!

Words of wisdom: None yet really.

So we are a third of the way there! I will try and not bore you all with too much pregnancy stuff, but I am pretty excited and do want to document this for our families. Thank you so much for all the well wishes (and good thoughts and prayers)!