Jitters

As this deployment winds down I feel myself getting jittery. My stomach has nonstop butterflies and my pulse is accelerated these days. I'm extremely excited, but also extremely nervous. I remember going through similar feelings last time but maybe slightly different. Last time we were dating and I kept having, "What if he doesn't love me?" thoughts. Of course now I know those were silly and I don't have then this time, but I'm still nervous with homecoming looming. 

I'm super grateful this deployment was cut short. I'm thanking my lucky stars. But I'm also nervous. We didn't have much of a "reintegration" last time as we were living a couple hundred miles apart. Will it be rough? Ryan and I bicker a lot, our parents independently have called us the Bickersons, but we don't full out fight often. As much as I'm looking forward to even bickering with him I'm still nervous for it. 

Since my husband has been deployed a lot of changes have happened. I switched jobs/locations within the library, I dealt with two annoying car issues on my own, I handled family illnesses and bad news left and right, I've built routines like walking the dog daily to preserve my sanity, and I like to think I've grown and changed a bit. Of course he has. He has been in a war zone since this summer. I just hope our changes meld together without too much friction. 

I guess I'm mostly venting my nerves out there to the blog world. The homecoming banner and signs are made, the outfit is selected, the photographer hired (although he has no idea on that one, my husband is a pain with pictures!) and the house is ready aside from a last minute vacuum session and load of laundry.

 Sorry I had to edit them a bit but proof they're done!! There are hearts on the sides cut off there too. 

I'm ready. I think. I cannot wait to hug my husband and kiss him and tell him in person how much I love him. Not over a choppy, phone or video connection or an email either. I'm ready, whatever adjustment necessary to the solo life I've built in his absence. I cannot wait to walk the Dup with him, retire the Netflix/laptop combination that took over his side of the bed, and converse with another human every evening. I can't wait for him to be home. My butterflies can fly around my stomach if they must, I know it will be worth it.