Jitters

As this deployment winds down I feel myself getting jittery. My stomach has nonstop butterflies and my pulse is accelerated these days. I'm extremely excited, but also extremely nervous. I remember going through similar feelings last time but maybe slightly different. Last time we were dating and I kept having, "What if he doesn't love me?" thoughts. Of course now I know those were silly and I don't have then this time, but I'm still nervous with homecoming looming. 

I'm super grateful this deployment was cut short. I'm thanking my lucky stars. But I'm also nervous. We didn't have much of a "reintegration" last time as we were living a couple hundred miles apart. Will it be rough? Ryan and I bicker a lot, our parents independently have called us the Bickersons, but we don't full out fight often. As much as I'm looking forward to even bickering with him I'm still nervous for it. 

Since my husband has been deployed a lot of changes have happened. I switched jobs/locations within the library, I dealt with two annoying car issues on my own, I handled family illnesses and bad news left and right, I've built routines like walking the dog daily to preserve my sanity, and I like to think I've grown and changed a bit. Of course he has. He has been in a war zone since this summer. I just hope our changes meld together without too much friction. 

I guess I'm mostly venting my nerves out there to the blog world. The homecoming banner and signs are made, the outfit is selected, the photographer hired (although he has no idea on that one, my husband is a pain with pictures!) and the house is ready aside from a last minute vacuum session and load of laundry.

 Sorry I had to edit them a bit but proof they're done!! There are hearts on the sides cut off there too. 

I'm ready. I think. I cannot wait to hug my husband and kiss him and tell him in person how much I love him. Not over a choppy, phone or video connection or an email either. I'm ready, whatever adjustment necessary to the solo life I've built in his absence. I cannot wait to walk the Dup with him, retire the Netflix/laptop combination that took over his side of the bed, and converse with another human every evening. I can't wait for him to be home. My butterflies can fly around my stomach if they must, I know it will be worth it. 

 

It's the Day of the Show Ya'll

When I went to Catholic for college someone started saying "It's the day of the show ya'll!" in a very particular voice that unfortunately I cannot replicate in type, but it has always stuck with me. Every opening night in college for every show someone would be shouting it to fellow cast and crew as we saw each other throughout the day. As I awoke this morning it was the first thought that popped into my head. After two months the day has arrived, tonight is opening night! I can't believe it!

We have never performed in front of an audience. Our preview had maybe one random person there who couldn't come for the show but even he had seen act two in rehearsals. Tonight will be different. I can feel anticipation running like a current under my skin and a flock of bumble bees (forget butterflies) has been buzzing in my stomach all morning. It is a good thing surprisingly. I think if I ever were to do a show or a project and not be nervous/mildly stage fright ridden there would be a problem. This feeling makes it worth it. If I weren't nervous it would make me more nervous if that makes sense!

Yesterday my neighbor Miss Donna showed me that we made the local newspaper too!

Pretty cool! I made sure to go buy an extra copy too, just in case. I cannot tell you the last time a show I was in made a newspaper, probably high school!

Mel, the guy playing my husband, also helped me out today and got me a free haircut/trim. He works as a barber and insisted I go (yes, my split ends were that bad) and he would take care of it. I just got home and even though only an inch or so of hair is gone it looks miles better already! The woman doing it really wanted to take off more since it is thinning at the bottom but I knew our director wanted nothing more than a trim! Me too, truth be told. It seems to take a lot more work to grow my hair out as I have gotten older so cutting off a lot, even to help it grow, makes me hesitate. We shall see how I feel after the show.

So if you live in Jacksonville please come see the show! Apparently the elderly population of Jacksonville is notorious for coming regardless but we'd love to fill the house. Especially with people who won't say, "Wait, what did he say? I can't hear him!" very loudly during the performance (it happened in the spring show!). Tickets are disturbingly cheap and I would love to see you all there. 8pm tonight through Saturday and a 3pm matinee Sunday at the community college. My mom is driving in tomorrow and staying through Tuesday and I am very excited!!!

EEEEK! My first opening night as a performer in three years. I cannot believe I waited so long! I love this cast and crew and the show is a fun murder mystery with a twist ending that I think everyone will enjoy.

See you there!