This is an entry that has been floating in my head for awhile but I have never found the time or reason to feel the need to actually publish it. More recently it has gently been nudging me so maybe now is the time. I don't normally blog about religion or anything too hot topic, I know some bloggers thrive on that but I am I guess more of a fluffy blogger. I write about things that happen in our lives to keep people in the loop and very rarely have a rant or a very deep deep discussion.
I am Catholic, my husband is Southern Baptist.
No big deal.
But sometimes I find myself wishing we were both the same religion. We are both Christian and have the same fundamental beliefs, that is amazing, but every now and then I feel a small twinge knowing there are certain experiences, more so maybe in the Catholic faith, that we cannot take part in together. Would I ever pressure him to convert? Of course not! Would I be thrilled if he did? Hell yes.
I was born and raised Catholic. When I was in high school my mom started working at our Church as the Parish Secretary. My church in New Jersey was up the road from our house and I got so spoiled by the wonderful parish we had. The priest became like another uncle to me, he worked closely with my mom and I saw him all the time. He was around my mom's age and much more open minded than a lot of the older priests. Father Tom took the time to listen to people and really made our church a wonderful place to be. Ryan and Father Tom even spent hours at my graduation party discussing religion over
By the way, please read this blog. I wish I wrote it! It is a wonderful tie in to being Catholic and because of that, supporting gay marriage. I agree whole heartedly.
Now when I met Ryan he wasn't routinely going to church. He was Southern Baptist but probably had not been since before boot camp (which when I met him had been about three years before). The first time he came to New Jersey with me to visit my family, he went to church with me... and every other time after that. If he spent the weekend at my apartment he'd usually tag along to mass with me. The first time I went home with him we went with his grandparents to a Baptist service, which I enjoyed but felt a little out of place at. When he deployed I never missed a single Sunday... regardless if I was sick or had an opening shift at Disney (hey 6am mass!) I went. I was determined to not miss the entire time he was overseas. When he got back and we got engaged he started driving form DC to New Jersey to see me every weekend. And he went to mass with my family and I every Sunday.
Once we got married I found a church in Alexandria and we continued to go. We learned quickly the first church we picked was not right for us so I found another one which we attended until our PCS. I know when Ryan was in 29 Palms he did not go to church, but I continued to go. When we moved to North Carolina I found another church and we have been attending that one since.
Ryan occasionally asks if we can go to a Baptist service and I always tell him yes. Just look up a church and find a time and we'll go. But he wants me to do it. I told him I wanted to go to Catholic mass, I researched and found the place and times and we went. If he wants to go to a Baptist service he needs to do the same. In the five years we have been together he has yet to do that even once. I know because of his grandparents, particularly his grandfather, he will always be a Baptist because that is what they were. He did go a lot when he was younger but now as an adult he is happy to go with me... but just as an observer. We did have a Catholic wedding service, not a mass since only I am Catholic and you both need to be to have a wedding mass, but we did have a Catholic service. Basically we did everything but communion and that was that.
He has agreed we can raise our children Catholic as we baptize in infancy and it is very important to me. I also promised he can take them to a Baptist service whenever he wants. And I promised if our children want to try other religions, anything from Baptist to Methodist to Buddhist, I would support it. But I want our children to at least grow up in a faith. I want them to know how important it is and go to church on Sundays and have that in their lives. When they grow up they can change their minds, but if they are under our roof they are going to church (whether with us or on their own).
I know this has been a lot of nonsensical rambling, I am trying here! I just wish on Sunday my husband could receive communion with me. Or want to go with me to mass on Ash Sunday or Good Friday or any other Holy Day of Obligation. Usually if there is mass in the middle of the week, that is it for him. He will either do that mass or Sunday, not both. More often than not I go to church alone for Days of Obligation. In all fairness he is not Catholic and therefore not obligated... but still. I wish we could do Lent together, it would be easier to not eat meat on Fridays if he didn't order a steak in front of me! Same for fasting the few days a year we do it. But, the thing is, overall he is very religious... his faith and core beliefs are there. He just doesn't always like to go to church to express it. Some days I am convinced he knows more about the bible, or even Christianity as a whole, than I do myself.
If I don't feel well or need extra motivation on a Sunday to get up and go he usually doesn't give it to me. If I don't push us to go to church, we won't. And now with me working weekends it is becoming harder for me to go every Sunday like I want to. If I don't go, he definitely does not go.
And that is what makes me sad. I wish we had that same central core to push one another to be stronger in our faiths. I wish we could share in the traditions I grew up in and together raise our children in them. I know if I ever drop the ball, that would be it. And sometimes it does feel like pressure when I know it shouldn't. Faith is not always easy, but it is not always supposed to be hard either. I know our fundamental beliefs are the same but is it selfish to wish for more? Even though we don't have children I am already fretting over godparents, at least one must be Catholic (and I'd probably ask my brother) but as for a godmother? I have no idea. The other person would at least have to be at least baptized as a Christian and practice in their faith. Catholic godparents are chosen as people to help lead the child in their religious lives... it isn't the same as a guardian or as some other religions do it. In Catholicism it is a secondary guide for faith after the parents. Of course I want Ryan to pick someone as it is a big deal, but I have no idea who that would be. Yes it is a major pre-emptive worry, but I still fret about it all the same. Don't even ask me about what to do if we have more than one child.
This became much longer than I intended and if you did read it, thank you. Has anyone experienced this before? Any thoughts? Sometimes I feel so petty for feeling this way... I really do. My husband is a great man and definitely has strong beliefs, I just wish ours were the same. Like I said, petty, but still existent.