• Allie and Ryan

    Allie & Ryan

  • Allie and Ryan 2

    Allie & Ryan

  • Allie and Ryan 3

    Allie & Ryan

  • Ryan and Allie 4

    Allie & Ryan

  • Ryan and Allie 5

    Allie & Ryan

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


This has been something that has been happening to me a lot lately, especially when Ryan is not here. I know having him far away is part of that, but it seems so silly to be sleepless because I am by myself. Especially when he is perfectly safe, just far away.

A lot of nights I am up super late. Ok having a long phone call with someone three hours behind you does that easily, but even after we hang up I still toss and turn for ages. I usually call Ryan when I get into bed, but last night I stayed up reading until almost midnight before even calling him! I just seem to be in this weird zone when it is just me in the apartment at night. One more tv show, one more cigarette... even if I am exhausted from obviously not sleeping the night before.

And then there are nightmares. I am twenty four years old and I am having nightmares! Sometimes it is just a weird, crazy dream, like my parents and brother and Ryan were flying Delta to Paris for Thanksgiving and at the airport I couldn't work the escalator and I got in trouble at security for having something I wasn't supposed to. I feel ridiculous with the nightmares though. I have seen one episode of the Walking Dead from when my commercial aired, and even for msot of that I hid. Yet I will see the zombie the lady stabbed with a screwdriver in my mind as I try and fall asleep. Or that new movie preview about the people who go to Moscow to party and get invaded by aliens who want to steal our electricity and make people disintigrate? Basically had a dream where I lived it!

Like I said, I feel silly.

But my sleep is heavily thrown. I am up late and out of bed early for work. I down a Sugar Free Red Bull and a Diet Coke or two to get through work. Then I get my second wind at home and I don't want to go to sleep again.

I know this is all because I miss Ryan, but I feel foolish all the same.


  1. Don't worry lady... it's really weird when you are home along, nights are always the worst!

  2. Don't feel foolish! I totally understand. My husband might be going to a 6 or 7 month school soon, and I know it'll be the same for me.

  3. A couple pieces of advice from an experienced insomniac...

    I'll skip the warm milk because I know how you feel about that.
    Turn all the main lights off and the tv/radio/whatever volume down about an hour before you go to bed. It won't work the first time, but eventually your brain will start to take it as a cue for bedtime.
    Before you go to sleep, hang upside down off the side of your bed for a minute. Not long enough to get dizzy or anything, but long enough to get some blood to rush to your head. I don't know why this one works but it's my grandmother's advice and i swear she knows more than the internet.

    hope this helps.


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