He texted me this morning "Orders! Orders! Orders! Report in on August **!" And nothing else. So I'm texting him back saying "What? What? What? Just you? Me too? What?!" To which I get the reply... "Call me please."
So I get up from my desk and call my husband. As far as we knew he was going to school, it would be about six months, 3,000 miles away, and unaccompanied. Well, we were wrong. It is eight months, two schools back to back, 3,000 miles away and may be accompanied. What do we do? Do we move across the country, slash our BAH in half and live on base (or off base in unfamiliar territory) for eight months just to PCS again? Would I be able to find a job? Would any place even hire me for that short of time? Would we see each other?
Right now I have a good job. I make good money, have great neighbors and friends nearby, and family not too far away. If I move 3,000 miles we take a huge hit to our budget and I am unemployed in a place where I know no one. Especially since Ryan has this huge aversion to living on base I'd be living off base knowing no one. As much as I want to be with Ryan, it isn't the sensible decision. As one of my clients put it, "The military will give you a lot of separations you cannot choose. So why choose to have one when you can avoid it?" to which I had to excuse myself and go cry in the rest room a bit.
Because Ryan and I think it is best for me to stay here. I have support, a job, we have an income and savings. Half of me wants to say SCREW THAT and go with him and cling to his ankles for dear life. Lord knows we will have deployments and moving in our future... but this feels so difficult. Me moving unnecessarily for 8 months and losing half of our income just to move again... but to spend another 8 months on a semi-daily basis with him. He will be in school and have training. He will be learning a new job, studying, getting acclamaited and adjusted. The last thing he will want is to come home and deal with a wife who is lonely or bored (just speculating here). Even if he comes home at all... nights will be spent at the barracks and training will happen and I will be on my own any way.
I thought we made the best decision. For me to stay and we'd PCS together when he graduates. I can visit, we can call and skype... but why does my heart still feel like it is four tons in my chest? How do we know if this is the right decision? Do finances and the needs of one spouse override the other?
Sorry, this post got a little all over the place. I am so happy Ryan got orders. He needs to get out of the barracks before he loses it. It just sucks that he has to go so far. I know I know, it isn't a deployment. But we'll still be apart for a long time, which sucks no matter who you are or what you're doing. Sigh. Time to put on the big girl pants and get over it, huh?
That's a lot to take in! I have always said that I follow my hubby cause we spend enough time apart that we can't control, but I also don't have a job besides being a mom, so it makes picking up and moving easier. You're in a tough spot with a hard decision, so you're allowed to be all over the place! Hope you find peace whatever you decide!
ReplyDeletePersonally I'd go... I mean if the orders are accompanied they are paying for it. I do understand the job thing, I haven't found a "stable" job since we got married, but I find things to do, volunteer, and get involved with church. I hope you guys figure it out! Prayers coming your way.
ReplyDeleteYou have the make the decision that is best for you guys. What you decide for your may not be what other people would chose, and that's ok. My job is moveable so I would go. But that's me. There's nothing wrong for you and Ryan to decide that it's best for you to stay!
ReplyDeleteI would go, love. Hands down, I would go.
ReplyDeleteGoodness gracious! If I were in your shoes I would be all over the place with my emotions too! When my husband transferred to Hawaii, (5 months before we got married) it was hard! We are a dual military couple so I am stuck here in DC until my expiration of enlistment in October 2012. I guess it is good because it keeps me busy while he is deployed, but if there is going to be a deployment soon after your hubby gets done with his 8 months of schooling how much time will that tack on to being apart. If his new unit were to deploy for 12 months after school, that would be almost two years apart. You have to decide what is going to work best for you dear! I will be sending prayers your way!
ReplyDeleteWHERE too???
ReplyDelete& yes, that is a tough spot to be in! You sound like you have already weighed the pro's and con's. I think you should follow your heart! I wish I could of gone with my hubby - it would of been a nice experience!! Good luck girl!
wow...decisions, decisions and i've been there before. of course, do what's best for the both of you. thinking of you guys!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand the struggle you're going through! I absolutely love my job and make good money as well, and if my husband and I were in that situation, we would make the same decision you guys did.
ReplyDeleteIf it were me? I wouldn't go. If it's anything less than 12 months; it's really not worth it to me to pick up my life and drop it on the other end of the country. You said it yourself: you have a great job and a great support network here at home. Is it really worth blowing all of that away for a mere 8 months just so you can move AGAIN to God knows where?
ReplyDeleteGood luck making your decision, Allie!
I guess you have to ask the hard question that no one really knows the answer too-"Will he be sent to a deploying unit after he graduates?" Since as military spouses we have no idea of possibly knowing if they will deploy or not- I have to say you go with your soldier. I gave up two teaching jobs & it stunk! Our money was cut & there was no new job for awhile. But I look back now & thank God everyday he led us to that choice to move for the 11 months. Because he has been deployed almost every other year since then. So the next thing I would do if your still struggling & on the fence is Pray - hopefully you get your answer. Even if it isn't then one you thought you wanted. Good luck- no one said marrying a Military man was ever going to be easy- that is for sure.
ReplyDeleteFor what its worth- I'm proud of you for deciding to go. I can imagine what a hard decision it is. I have to make the same decision, and let me tell you.. eating Oodles and Noodles in Texas and seeing my husband- is winning as of now. My heart tells me to follow my husband. My mind says.. I should finish this degree in NJ and that we have too many student loans for me to "follow my heart".
ReplyDeleteI know I'm late on this but we chose for me to finish school and spent the first two years of our marriage separated. He was deployed for one, so if I had moved to NC? I would likely have trouble transferring credits and end up in school years longer, wouldn't have a job (I don't at the moment because of the recent PCS but at least I have my degree and that made better sense for us--financially, it makes me happier, it better enables me to make a good living if he gets out or God forbid, something happened to him, etc.). It was hard, obviously. But I'd do it again in a heartbeat and so would he. Then I moved to NC before her got back and spent only 6 months there. Honestly that was ridiculous..moving several times in a year, not being able to get settled, working and meeting people and knowing I'm leaving soon, spending ALL that money for moving and on an apartment (and even when they cover the move they don't take care of all of it)? It was crazy. It was the right decision for us I suppose but if he was going to be gone training constantly? I would've stayed home. I think your job and the finances MATTER. It wouldn't do you two any good to lose that income and end up in a bad place financially if it's avoidable and only due to a short time. Yes, we have separation all the time in this life and it blows. And deployments suck and are scary and uncertain. But I think that sometimes things are much more complicated than easily saying "Of course I will drop everything to follow him around, no matter what!" it seems, to me, that you two made the right decision for you and that's what counts. I know it was hard but kudos to you :-). I think in a military relationship making team decisions is one of the most important things you can do. Well, in all relationships.
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