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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Things NOT to say to a military spouse!

Found here (after boredly playing on google and had to share!)

1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds — but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. "At least he's not in Iraq/Afghansitan." Fill in as appropriate.
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in one or the other. What do they think is happening in Iraq per se? An international game of golf?)

4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)

5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to deploy because there is work that needs to be done.)

7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(We do learn coping skills. We figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 6-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, and he flew comfortably on a commercial plane. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a crappy Hyundai Excel with a Mercedes convertible.)

9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan and Iraq for nearly a decade. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day — and on maps everywhere.)

11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there."
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(Hmmm, no I don't miss sex. I'm a robot. Seriously... military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. "Well in my opinion..."
(Stop right there. I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, especially while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

Last, but not least….

14. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our MARINES/soldiers/airmen/coasties/sailors fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom


5 comments:

  1. LOVE this everytime I see it!I had a mini-meltdown yesterday & wrote my own "What NOT to say to me, right now " BLOG post-LOL

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  2. Haha, I'm sharing this with my friends, Allie! Too funny.

    By the way... how on earth do you handle being a military spouse? It must be so hard, I'm so sorry... I hope he gets out soon. At least he's home now and not in Iraq OR Afghanistan...but then again, he signed up for it so it's his own fault.

    In MY opinion... some people should THINK before they SPEAK! Lol! ;-)

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  3. I always thought people needed to think before they spoke, but actually seeing these in writing totally makes it worse :) haha

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  4. My responses to each and everyone one of these, since of course I've heard them all.
    1. Duh
    2. You must not love your man as much as I love mine.
    3. Do you even know what's happening over there?
    4. (Look of WTF?) No
    5. Be a mom & dad. How are those reality shows btw?
    6. What makes you think he wants to?
    7. You never get used to it.
    8. STFU
    9. Obviously
    10. I can't tell you (Just for spite and with an extremely serious face.)
    11. (Deep breath and walk away without punching them).
    12. No but I miss seeing his face and hearing his voice.
    13. STFU
    14. Don't be. At least he's not a (insert their husbands profession here.)

    It's truly incredible how inconsiderate and ignorant people who don't have family fighting in the military are. Even some of my own family members have made me think twice about punching them out. I thank God for the strength to get through these kinds of conversations every night.

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  5. This list is fun when you need a vent, but it doesn't always leave a whole lot of options for civilian wives & what they can say when empathizing ;)

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