The Worst Time

I miss my husband a lot. Understandable. Every military spouse right now is giving me a DUH from wherever they are. But I have to say it is worse at night. 

Night times were our times. 

I usually didn't get home from work until 7:30. We'd eat dinner and cuddle on the couch watching nextflix or have a bottle of wine in the garage. Maybe a cigar. We'd talk about our days and naturally, it is Ryan after all, the complexities of life, religion, economics and politics. We'd laugh at the Chive together or watch funny YouTube videos on our phones. One of us would make our lunches for the next day (usually me) while the other let the dog out (usually him). As we'd fall asleep we would cuddle and continue to chat until we eventually dozed off. 

Nights at home alone are hard. I've read a lot of books and watched a lot of tv. I try and go out when I can but more often than not the Dup and I are hanging out from five o'clock until bedtime. We do a long walk and occasionally I make myself dinner. Tonight it was burritos. Last night it was a mini frozen pizza. The night before it may have been peanut butter m&ms. It happens. 

But my one beer in the garage as I scroll through blogs or the Chive just doesn't measure up. The crickets seem a lot louder without his voice to fill the silence. My queen sized bed seems too big and I still curl up in my spot. 

Nights are the times I miss him the most. And the times I will cherish most of all when he is home again. 

 

No Sleep

Last night was not a good night.

Ryan left yesterday to go back to 29 Palms which was hard enough. He rode into work with me in the frigid cold and we said our goodbyes outside my building before he got on the metro to go to the airport. It was about 18 degrees and I was shocked my tears didn't crystalize :P We are hoping to meet up President's Day weekend, which feels so far away from now, if not we don't get to be together until he graduates in April... which if I think about makes me cry so I can't do that. So I go through that long sort of day at work and rush home to the pup. Happiness!

We go outside, we eat, we play, we go outside again, we play more, we (and by we I mean Rylie) have an accident, we go outside yet again, I shower and finally at 10 I am snuggled in bed ready to put the day behind me.

I call Ryan for our nightly phone call. 20 minutes later Rylie is whining. Then she is barking. Not just a little bark but high pitched, non stop barking like she has never done before. I know we are supposed to let her bark it out, but I live in an apartment, I can't do that! So I hang up with Ryan (upset I can't talk to him already), get on the floor and try talking to her. We have been crate training her all along, soft calming voice and petting her and gently pushing her chest to not let her out. We sit and talk to her, lie down next to her, and basically make her comfy. She has a blanket over the crate, a pillow, towel, toys and stuffed animals inside to snuggle with. But Rylie was having none of it last night. She was biting me through the bars of the crate and shrilly barking non stop.

We go outside again, it had barely been an hour since the last time. We come back in and play a bit trying to tire her out but Rylie did not play like she normally does, she was just biting me and going nuts. Back in the crate. Still not happy.

Long story short it is 12:30am before I can sleep in silence.

Until 4am rolls around. More barking. I take her out. She goes to the bathroom and we go back inside and I put her in her crate. More barking. This goes on until about 4:30 am before she finally stops. Meanwhile in that half an hour I am sitting on the floor next to the crate sobbing and begging her to stop. She does.

Until 5:55am. I take her out again. My upstairs neighbor Adam is leaving for work and mentions he could hear her barking at 4. I apologize profusely but he laughs and said it made him laugh to hear it. He had been there before. Still I am mortified regarless.

We go back in and Rylie doesn't want to go to sleep. She is up until 6:20. I finally doze off to my alarm goes off at 7:20am. We go out yet again. I feed her breakfast.

I am so tired my eyes don't want to stay open and when I think about it too much they literally fill with tears. I was so tired and frustrated and I worked up my stress level so much I ended up throwing up in the bathroom as Rylie at breakfast. I cried the whole way to work so Carrie had to drive and I am crying now as I type this. At work. I gotta suck the tears up! UGH!

I love my puppy, I do, but last night cannot be a normal occurance. I talked to my aunt today, she breeds and shows labs for a living, and she gave me some advice. No water after 8pm, stick to a schedule as much as possible, do NOT play with her after bedtime, and move the crate out of my bedroom. All of which will be attempted tonight.

I feel like a puppy parent failure.

When Ryan was here it wasn't this hard.

Wow that sentence just speaks volumes doesn't it?

Even with a dogwalker during the day I think she is not used to being in her crate. Ryan was in and out when he was home but never 8 hours straight like this.

Once we have a routine down I know it will be ok. But the panicky part of me cannot help but wonder if we ever get there? What if we never get our groove? What if I am a sleepless zombie who cries at the drop of a hat until we PCS and are together again? I texted Ryan all night and he feels bad which makes me feel worse because I know this was not his intention in the least when getting us a puppy.


Sorry, I normally don't go on like this (or have such awful sentence structure), forgive me. The lack of sleep, feeling awful, and just missing my husband so bad I can barely breathe is really getting to me. I just had to let it out.

Please please please do not give me another night like last night.


Sigh.

Las Vegas!!!

What a blast.

Seeing Ryan at the baggage claim waiting for me was honestly an explosion of happiness. Yes, I just said explosion of happiness, it is appropriate. He is thinner (all that working out!)and all muscly and just as handsome as ever. I gave him a huge hug and may have held it about five minutes. Straight. I was so so happy to see him. It made getting up, going to work, taking a metro, two flights, a four hour layover in Atlanta (where a Marine returning from Afghanistan via LeJeune shared a table with me at dinner, how do they always find me?!) all so so worth it!

We got to the hotel around 11pm Vegas time so my poor east coast body was exhausted but I carted the professional wedding album my mom gave me as an early birthday present in my carry on so we looked at that... and Ryan had champagne (: Needless to say I was up very late that night.



We slept in and then made our way to our first all you can eat champagne buffet. You give us eggs Benedict and french toast and you get happy Loves.







We wandered the casino a bit before getting on the monorail and hitting The Strip.

Our first stop was the MGM Grand. There was roulette to be played and a Lion Habitat to explore.









We then wandered around got our first real taste of The Strip as the sun was setting.



It was hot so Ryan and I grabbed some frozen absolute lemonade and saw lots of the hotels like....

The MGM



NY NY





Excalibur



Paris





And many more.

Gosh I have a lot of pictures.

We went on a gondola ride at the Venetian and the guy even sang to us! Two songs were all Italian so I didn't know them, but he did sing "Bella Notte" (:




Shows! We saw two shows!

Blue Man Group



And Penn & Teller!!!






And of course the Bellagio Fountain Show (:










The Bellagio Fountain Show... some of it

There was a lot of roulette played, money lost (that we set aside for gambling only) but it was a wonderful time. I loved being able to hold his hand, rest my head on his shoulder, hug him and kiss him, and fall asleep and wake next to him. It was wonderful.



And the lights! It was crazy cool. We walked around as much as we could and still did not see close to it all.



All in all it was a great trip and very hard to say goodbye to him again :(

I did see the Hoover Dam and Grand Canyon from the plane though on the way back.





But good news.... I turn 24 tomorrow! (:

So Much is Getting Done!

So this weekend was extremely productive. Ryan and I got a lot done which provided a nice couple of checks on the master list. We stuffed and labeled and stamped all the invites, nearly 100 of them! It took me, Mom, Ryan, and Stefan to get everything in and done, but it was done! I mailed them all off today. Ryan and I also went to the Grand Colonial, our reception venue, and solidified our menu and everything. We picked out all the appetizers, dinner, the wine, and the cake (!!) which sounds so delicious I cannot wait. We also went to another bakery and got Ryan a groomscake for the rehearsal dinner. Hint, if you have ever seen Steel Magnolias you will LOVE his cake! Jill came over Saturday night and spent the night, and until I had a stomach attack we had an awesome time. Stupid stomach. And Sunday was great. I can't go into details, but let's just say we are now one step closer to May 1st.... (:

I still need to call the florist and get transportation and a make up artist, then it is basically all done. PreCana is on Saturday which should be interesting.

Doctors... had an appointment Friday. Starting to get weened off the scary medicine as it wasn't doing what he thought it would, only maybe half. I am now going for a CT scan with IV contrast of my BRAIN because maybe the problem is neurological since my digestive tests are coming back normal. Ugh. I am so sick of being sick. I tried to call the radiology place I went to last time and since the test has an IV and I am allergic to penicillin I can't go there because on the offchance I have a reaction they don't have the equipment for it. So I called the hospital to schedule and waited ten minutes and got disconnected, called again and waited twenty minutes and at 4:59 on the dot they sent me to voicemail as the place closed! UGH.

I ran lots of errands today besides being on the phone for forever. The vet, Dunkin Donuts and the pharmacy for mom, resealing the invites, making dinner... only to be called in to work to work closing shift and getting to eat McDonalds on my way and not my chicken :( Oh well.

Ok, sticking to it. It will all get done. Work tomorrow, job interview with a summer camp in DC on Wednesday... wish me luck!

Annoyed

Ok maybe beyond annoyed. How about pissed? This is a rough month for me and Ryan and this whole seeing weekends thing is failing miserably. So he has duty Valentine's Day so I won't be seeing him at all that weekend. I am going to DC the 9th and 10th briefly for a marriage counseling thing through the Corps, but he was supposed to come up this weekend so we actually can have some time together. Surprise surprise he just texts me saying he has snow duty and his SSgt won't let him come. I just hate getting my hopes up and having the Corps once again dash them.

So we get one night in the middle of the week, after work and before the counseling then I drive back to Jersey. I won't be seeing him again until after the 19th probably. Unless it snows again that weekend too. So three days in all February? Awesome.

We were texting this morning about being apart and he said I seem not bothered at all by it and that I don't care. I told him me crying and whining isn't going to help anything. I know he is working two jobs and it is hard and I understand and respect that. Then he found out he has snow duty this weekend.

I just want to see my fiance. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently it is.

Promotion and Other Things

So Ryan picked up CPL today! I am so proud of him!

And then I find out he has duty on Valentine's Day so we will not be spending it together. We were going to have the whole house to ourselves as my family is going to the new house in NC for the weekend and I am home with the dog... so now I am just going to be by myself for the big VDay. It kind of sucks. I hate how used to the fact I am seeing him ever weekend almost now. He drives up to NJ and I get to spending the weekend with him, but he isn't coming this weekend as I am going down on Tuesday to do a marriage prep thing for the Corps and now he isn't coming for the long weekend. I just cannot wait until we can always be together. I can come home from work and he'll be there or when I wake up in the morning he will be.

Three months cannot come soon enough!!!

I started work at the pharmacy, from 8:30am-5pm Mon-Wed. So Kohls called me back today adn I am interviewing on Thursday and probably going to work there nights and some weekends when Ryan can't come up. I will definitely be keeping busy (and earning money) to say the least.

We have a DJ, picked out our menus, accumulated addresses, are waiting for our Save the Date cards, going to mail the invites, and set our songs. We are making a lot of progress, we still just really need transportation (yikes $$$!) and flowers. First dress fitting on Saturday!!! Wish me luck!

COLD!

Who decided my last week in Florida would be absolutely freezing? Can I write a formal complaint to Mother Nature??? I mean, I think it is different being cold here. When it is cold in January in New Jersey or DC you expect it. That's how it should be. But in Central Florida? No way. It is a damp, terrible cold. We've been in the upper 30s in the day and upper 20s at night. It is crazy. Little girls are wearing jeans under their princess dresses with huge winter coats and hats over them! People are wearing the layers they wore to the airport in the parks because it is so damn cold.

It won't warm up again until next week. When I am gone. Fail.

The warmest day this week will be my last day in Florida. And it is supposed to rain. Joy.

The parking lot in Chatham, my apartment complex, is empty. Most people moved out and the new people aren't moved in yet. Chloe is gone, Amanda is almost gone, Kayla and I are all that are left in good ol' 29302.

Tomorrow is my last day of work. I cannot believe how quickly this has come. It seems like I just got here and I am getting ready to leave. Of course I haven't started packing yet!

Went back to the doctor this morning, last time here. I got my file to take with me as they haven't helped me much. I take six pills a day and I am still sick! I know now also that it is not celiac's disease, an ulcer, hernia, cancer, and my gallbladder appears to be functioning. Ugh. This is so frustrating.

I cannot wait to see Ryan this Saturday. Then I have to find a job in NJ as no one has gotten back to me. Eek!

6 Days!

It is official. Ryan will be here in Disney in six days!!!!!!!!!!! He told me the other night and I am so excited. My family will be here in one week and I will have everyone who matters most to me in a place that means so much to me. Words cannot describe how hapy all that makes me.

I am still pretty sick on and off. I had the heida scan thing done yesterday. I got injected with a nuclear isotope and laid under a huge box thing for about three hours. Then I got another medicine that made my gall bladder squeeze which felt bizarre. You wouldn't expect lying still for so long would make you sore, but it did. I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic on tv and Wife Swap (some people in this world...).

My stomach still hurts and I have been nauseous, and worse, for days. I just cannot wait for this all to be figured out and over. I cannot wait until I do not need percocet to sleep or I can keep food down or eat whatever I want whenever I want. To not be in pain. It will be amazing. I go back to the doctor on Monday and I hope they finally have something to tell me!

6 Days. I just need to make it six more days and I will be with the love of my life!

Thanksgiving and the Future

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday!


So my mom found out Ryan and his friend Garrett weren't going home for Thanksgiving because South Carolina and Nebraska are kind of far... so that is how my boyfriend and one of his best friends ended up in New Jersey with my family for Thanksgiving with me in Disney!!! I was kind of jealous.


Garrett, Ryan, Jill and Derek (cousins), and my brother Stefan in front at my Babci and Poppy's for Thanksgiving

But apparently Ryan asked my parents' permission to marry me while he was there. How do I know that? Because he was nervous about it and told me! Haha. He also let me know that he had been looking at rings since he was in Iraq. He found a diamond and the perfect setting and looked every day for six weeks when he got back.... and he had to tell me THAT because it is so perfect.

Oh my god.

EEE!

Of course no one will tell me how the talk went. My mom pretends to know nothing and I can't ask my dad as I am not supposed to know and Ryan suddenly doesn't want to share! But apparently it "went well". Definitely a good thing. Now that I know that though I want to know when it will happen! And how! And where! I want it to happen so soon but I don't want to know the details and watch it ends up being a long ways away and he just took advantage of the fact that he could talk to my parents without me there. I don't know. Ack.

So now on to our favorite F-Word... the Future.

Ryan and I planned to move in together in DC when I left Disney. Well, I haven't saved as much money as I hoped and I am not having any luck finding jobs so it may not happen. Ryan "splitting" the rent went from 50-50ish to me paying most of it and him helping with other bills. With the money how it is right now I can't do that. So the only solution seems to be me moving home (ugh) again to NJ and working multiple jobs there to save money. It is just so frustrating. I cry over it constantly just because that's how my body reacts to stress. Which sucks.

I just love working at Disney. And if we're going to be apart, again, until February/May/August I wish I could just stay here and work. But I can't. Beneifts and more money and all. Ugh. I don't want to move home. And work in crappy jobs I hate. As I can't find anything, I am terrified I am just going to go back to Kohls and I don't think I can handle it.

I just don't know.

Can I fast forward please?

Meltdown

I sort of lost it last night.

I have been training for a new venue at work, my third, called Where's the Fire?, which is basically like a game show of sorts about fire safety. It is pretty fun, but training is draining. It means very early mornings, 8:15am Saturday, 7:30am yesterday and today, that go until 16:00 or 17:00. It is a long day. And I am not a morning person. So I have been soooo drained.

Ryan's mom and aunts were in DC visiting him for the first time since he got back. So between that and my interesting hours we haven't gotten to talk too much the past few days. I've been asleep early so I can get up early, and he has been up late. Plus he is going back and forth to Fredericksburg because his room mate and best friend Josh had a hole in his lung that leaked into his chest cavity and landed him in the hospital. Eek. Josh is ok, but Ryan is driving a few hours when he can to see him. So it has been a lot of texting lately.

But last night when he called me, even though I had been asleep for an hour, I picked up. I was tired, and stressed (my face is awful, so many breakouts! ugh!), so I was trying to keep things light. But he knew me too well to let that slide. I told him the early mornings were wearing me down and I hated the long days that started so early. Being at work by 7:30am means clocking in by 7:15am which means being on property by 7am. That means I pick up Karli at 6:45am and leave my apartment by 6:30am and I am up before 6am. See the stress?? But he replied, "At least you get to earn a lot of money!"

That was the key phrase that made me lose it.

I said, "I am so SICK of thinking about and talking about fucking money!" and then I burst into tears. Yea, I sort of shocked the hell out of him, he didn't see that coming. Neither did I. I am broke. Why?

Plane tickets to DC, one doctor emergency clinic visit, perscriptions from said visit, gas, perscriptions I take, a flat tire that came out of nowhere, groceries, rent, going to another doctor this Wednesday to finally be checked out, my GPS breaking and dying that day (I need it, it is pretty sad), and knowing my brother's 13th birthday and Christmas are approaching.... and I have no money. I am supposed to be saving to move in with Ryan so we can live together. I am living paycheck to paycheck. I had to turn to my mom for help which makes me feel so ashamed at 22. Money is the reason he may not come see me in Disney, which is so important to me (I need him to see me and my life and friends here or he'll never get what this place means to me).

So I cried. Or sobbed. I couldn't breathe. It was awful. He calmed me down and talked to me and got me to stop and get myself calm and sleep again. I felt so terrible for unleashing on him like that. I still feel hollow today from letting it all out.

Ugh.

I hate money.

A Three Hour Tou-...Phone Call!

Ryan and I just talked on the phone for nearly three hours. Lord I have missed him!!!!!! One more day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow's Blog: Disney Entertainment Face Character Auditions, the inside scoop!

Hey Jealousy?

So I know one of the biggest issues Ryan and I have in our relationship is the issue of jealousy. His ex was not the nicest person and really hurt his ability to fully trust in others. She basically left him for one of his best friends. Now the problem is, I always have been one to have a big mixed group of friends. I usually have a big mix of guys and girls that I hang out with and that has always been a sore spot for Ryan in our relationship.


Graduation Party

Whether it was me playing video games at my friend Brian's house, hanging out with Nate, Jeff, and Dave from my theatre school when I am home in NJ, or hanging out with Don and Patrick in Disney... we have had pretty decetly sized fights about all of them. I would never do anything to hurt Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I have friends who are guys because, well let's face it, they are usually awesome to hang with, are honest (not catty at any rate), know sports, and are easy to talk to. Girls are much more complicated! I bond really well with one or two girls and get super close, but in big groups I do have my guy friends.


Team Bro-Womance at Disney Cast Quest

Now when I hang out with Don and Patrick here for example, usually it is in a group. 9 times out of 10 it is in a big group. Patrick and Don have a huge "bro-mance", they remind me of Ryan and his room mate Josh in a lot of ways, and Karli and I have the designated "wo-mance" (not as catchy but it works!). Usually the four of us hang out together. Karli's boyfriend Bryce is giving her the same flak Ryan is giving me which makes me feel a bit better, but not much. Patrick is dating Jenny, Don is on-off with Sara... and Karli and I are taken! What is wrong with the four of us being friends?? We work the same venues at work, we have fun together, and it breaks up the monotiny of the day in Innoventions.


The Love of my Life

So I haven't had a phone call from Ryan in nearly a month, and before today our longest talk in a week was maybe 10 minutes. Today he spent an hour of precious internet time (Al Asad sucks for that) arguing with me about being friends with guys! This isn't third grade, boys and girls don't have to be separate from coodies contamination and just because you are male and female does not mean sex has to be involved for any sort of connection to be possible.

These guys are my friends. Nothing more.

1. I have Ryan, I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. That trumps anything anyone else could throw at me.
2. Not attracted to them. I love them dearly, but these guys become like my brothers. I have three already, I don't mind having more pseudo-ones in the mix.
3. If anyone, and I mean anyone, was disrespectful to me or my relationship I'd kick them in the balls so hard they'd come out of their noses.

The guys hear me talk about Ryan all the time. They want to see him when he comes down here. It is no secret. I have always been upfront and honest with Ryan in our relationship, and I think that is what makes all the difference.

He eventually backed off and apologized. I did too. I know it bothers him, but I don't seek out guys to befriend on purpose or anything. They are just my friends. Plain and simple. And usually when he DOES meet them he gets along great with them. Example given being my graduation party when Ryan went off with Jeff, Nate, and Dave on a cigarette run to a store 2 minutes away and we're gone for nearly 45 minutes. They got along great.

Sorry for the venting today, I was just frustrated that the hour and a half we had to talk this morning had almost an hour wasted on a pointless fight we've had many times before. Of course it ends up ok in the end, but I hate fighting with Ryan over anything and it is frustrating with him so far away. He will be back soon and I know we will be just fine. In 10 days I will tackle him, I swear I will!

I know he wants to be here with me and experiencing Disney with me like my friends here get to... and he will once he goes on leave. I told him he has to trust me. He said he did, it was the other guys he didn't trust. I said it doesn't really work that way, you have to trust my ability to choose my friends and the people I associate with, if they weren't good people, they wouldn't be in my life. Wow, this came out to be a much longer entry than I intended. Props if you read it!

It is all about the trust baby.

The Good and the Bad

First... The Bad
I won't be at homecoming for Ryan.
I haven't had a phone call from him since September 30th.

BUT the Good
I will be there for Ryan's 96! Hopefully the 96 information was right since my flight is now booked! And work oks everything...
I did get to talk to him this morning online for a little bit. It was slow and not for long, but it was so incredibly worth it.

These next few weeks are going to be so agonizingly slow! I am really upset I cannot be there for him getting off the bus. Megan and Nadia said they'd take pictures for me, but it isn't the same. I couldn't get the short notice to work and the flight would be $250 vs the $130 I paid for next week.

SOON!

He will be home in SO SOON. It is basically 99.99% official. I cannot wait. I am just waiting to hear from him to confirm that he wants me in Quantico on the day and I will be there. It has been three days now since we spoke so I am dying to hear from him for the all clear go ahead. Something tells me this week will be impossibly long but I will get through it. Cross your fingers Disney gets me off work for a few days. Especially with that unfortunate sick day under my belt...

Note to self: Find a doctor and get an appointment for Monday. Gall bladder you will NOT win!

Wish me luck readers. This deployment is winding down!

Internal Organs: 1, Allie: 0

So last night I had my first major gall bladder attack. It hurt like hell, in the front right of my ribs and across my back. I couldn't lie down, I couldn't stand, I couldn't sit, nothing was comfortable. So Amanda, my room mate, took me to an Urgent Care Clinic that was open til midnight. Luckily it was close by. When we got there the woman said there was a 2-3 hour wait. So we stuck it out.

An hour later my vitals were done. An hour after that I was checked out. Diagnosis? Gall bladder. But there wasn't the right equipment there to take blood or do an ultrasound. So they gave me some anti-nausea medicine and percocet. I was told I could not go to work the next day and given a form and shoved out the door.

Damage? Three hours and $100. Ugh.

I spent the day mostly in a drug filled haze, sleeping on and off, angry I am not at work. I need these days off to go see Ryan. It sucks. We have a basically official date for the homecoming from our FRO person but Ryan is still moving so I haven't heard from him in 2 days. Probably won't for another two or three. Which sucks since I cannot book anything until I talk to him.

Oh, did I mention in all this chaos we had a new room mate move in yesterday? Her name is Chole and she is from South Korea. I totally make awesome first impressions...

Back to the sleepyness....

I know I am supposed to ignore the news...

But this one caught my eye...it is about possibly sending more troops to Afghanistan in the next year. Anywhere between 10,000 and 80,000. 80frickenthousand. That is insane.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20091014/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/bc_us_us_afghanistan

Especially the last paragraph:

"An Army brigade generally has between 3,500 and 5,000 soldiers, while a Marine expeditionary brigade could be built up to about 17,000 troops. However, sending a high number of forces would put more stress on troops who are already stretched thin from fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq, and likely would reduce the time they would get at home between deployments."

Oh God I hope not.


I talked to Ryan for nearly three hours this morning. We did fight for part of it unfortunately. He is upset Disney will only give me four, maybe five days off for me to come see him. I thought it was a good thing they were willing to give me that many in a row at ALL and he thinks it is not enough. So a fight naturally ensued. But we worked it out.

And we talked about possibly getting an apartment together when he gets back (: Try living together and all. Once I am done with Disney that is. I have an audition on October 29th which will decide if I stay here longer, if not back to DC possibly? Or California? Not sure where Ryan will be stationed, but the chances of me going with him are pretty darn high. I cannot wait to fall asleep next to him each night and wake up next to him each morning. Just to see him anytime day or night, it will be so so amazing....

Going to the gym...

I have not gone to the gym religiously.... ever. I was never one of those girls to love working out, go running, or anything like that. I'd prefer a nice bike ride or a hike. I'd rather spend the day building a big set in a theatre lifting platforms and moving lights. I never found running in place to be a worthwhile activity. And whoever the hell thought lifting big heavy things in sets and repetition would be fun is just insane. Long story short, I hate working out.

So why the hell am I doing it around four days a week?

Because earlier this summer I mused out loud, "Hm, maybe when I go to Disney I will start going to the gym." And Ryan overheard it. So in Iraq he started working out. And eating healthy. He is doing it in the desert, I should be able to do it here, right? Long story short my lazy ass is in the gym now.

We have bickered about it, talked about it, and now I am going. Like I said, I hate working out. But I love Ryan, so I am doing it.

Luckily my apartment is the closest possible one to the gym or it would never happen.

I am up to 15 minutes a day on the elliptical (not a lot I know, but like I said, moving in place? Not my idea of fun) and I do some free weights and machines with exercises my suddenly all healthy lean, mean, fighting machine boyfriend recommended. I figured I could fudge my way around for a few months and gradually work up to it, but now with Ryan coming home so soon (YAY) I really need to stick with it. And eat healthy.

We'll ignore the chicken fingers and fries I had for dinner. It will be our little secret, ok?

Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party!

Ok instead of doing a daily update I decided to do a highlight entry of sorts. I can just say work has been going well, I started training on a new venue , Don't Waste It, and the EPCOT Food and Wine Festival started. AMAZING. I love the food (and drink!) plus I got to sit front row of a Big Bad Voodoo Daddies concert, for free! No complaints here. As you can see from the title of my blog, the focus is on Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party!



The Halloween Party was a lot of fun. I went with my room mate Amanda and some of her friends from work and some other people. Most people were dressed up which totally added to the experience. The people I went with were in the Peter Pan theme, we had 2 Tinkerbells, 2 Captain Hooks, 2 Indians, and a tick tock crocodile. Me and another guy Ron missed the memo, so I was a Roarin' 20s Flapper and he wore his family's kilt since he is Scottish. We still all had a blast!



I went trick-or-treating in Dsiney World!!!! I got lots of free candy, my face painted for free, saw the fireworks and the parade which was awesome. I got my picture taken with Woody and Bullseye, his horse, from Toy Story; Captain Hook and Smee; and with the Mad Hatter. The Mad Hatter totally danced with me in the 20s era way which was awesome. We also went on the Haunted Mansion, since it was appropriate for Halloween, and on Stitch's escape before we went to the fireworks and parade.


Still rumors of an early homecoming but nothing definite yet. I miss Ryan so so much. I really want to see him so badly it actually hurts. I started going to the gym (ick) since Ryan kind of goaded me into it. I got to talk to him on the phone and we had a pretty serious talk about future sort of things. I want to audition with the CPs in November to try and get into entertainment down here or try and maybe go full time for a bit to save money (shame about the hiring full time freeze for now) but Ryan was like, "Do you really want to spend a whole year apart?" if I extended til June. If we can make Iraq and Florida work we can make Florida and anywhere work in my opinion, but he seemed a little unsure which kind of worries me. I know if I wanted to stay down here we would be ok and make it work but what if he ends up in California? I just don't know. I want to be with him more than anything, but does that mean not following this job for now? I have a lot to think about over the next few months. I know entertainment is so competitive, so I may be worrying for nothing, but I am a worrier so I am still worrying.

Especially since he asked me (just a thought, in his words) if I prefered a ring to be a surprise or to pick out my own. Naturally I said a surprise! (:

All for now. More training tomorrow!

Back a few days...

So Monday my room mate Kayla and I went to Typhoon Lagoon, the water park. We went on all the slides and swam in the wave pool and MAN that was a workout. Swimming against those waves and floating in the deep water made my arms and legs almost hurt from all the effort! After that we went and got Halloween costumes so we can go to Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. Kayla is going as a flower child/hippie and I am going as a 20s flapper girl. I will have to post pictures of it later..

BECAUSE I got another camera. Yea, sadly, my camera officially bit the bullet. I was not happy since it is the one Ryan gave me for our one year anniversary. I used my Disney discount and I got a discount using my visa so yay for saving money. Then I walk out of the store and I check the reciept and I realize I was charged $2.13 for the camera. Yea, very wrong. So being that I am me I go back in the store and say I think he rang me up wrong. Sure enough.... basically the man thanked me profusely and said he would have lost his job and not many people would do that blah blah blah. I couldn't walk away with something like that! No way. Who could!??! Well, I am sure people could but I defintiely couldn't.

So we got dinner and then went grocery shopping, I did laundry, and then we started cleaning. We have our first apartment inspection Tuesday. I now know how Ryan felt the night before field day! But when I was taking the garbage out to the dumpsters I tripped over a parking cement thing and literally tore off the tip of my big toe. It hurt so much. It is all bandaged up and throbbing. No fun.. At all.

I am working all the rest of this week. Seven days straight. So yay for lots of hours and money, but it is pretty exhausting. I worked 11-19:30 Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday 9:30-17:30. Friday and Saturday are shorter days, like 13:30-17:30 or so, then Monday is a whammy... my first twelve hour shift! Eek! I will be there from 8:45-21:30 then have Tuesday and Wednesday off. Is it bad I am looking forward to those already? (:

There is this sweet little old man at work who is literally the Innoventions Grandpa.... Grandpa Gordon. I've talked to him a few times, and today we sat and talked about Guardian Angels. He said if I lay in bed at night, quiet with no distractions or cellphones or tv, and just pray and ask my guardian angel to tell me their name, it will come to me. He said maybe not right away, but within 24 hours or so a name will pop into your head and you will just know. His is Abraham, and he prays with him and talks to him all the time. Everyone needs a guardian angel, Ryan is my guardian angel in camis, but I think I may try tonight and see. I was touched he told me about all that, Grandpa Gordon mentioned he has not told many people about that, but he knew it would mean something to me and felt like I should know.

My friend DeiTos (Kristin) emailed me saying she, Heather, and possibly Jason may come visit me soon. That is pretty exciting for me, I hope they do. I would love to have people around from school to hang out with. It is a plan in the works so we shall see.

What else? Not much truth be told. Oh! We got the white glove award for our inspection!!! Basically we were one of the rare few to get a high pass and our apartment got a huge box of ferrero roche chocolates and our picture taken in front of the door to be in the office. Sadly I was at work when this happened so I am the only room mate not in the picture. Damnit. But yay for us being overly neat/good cleaners. I literally put my blood sweat and tears into this, my toe still hurts like hell. Especially after being in work shoes and on my feet all day. It is not too happy with me at all.

Plus we also had a "suspicious object" found on a bus so all bus services were suspended while they checked it out. Nothing was wrong but we had a lot of irate guests who were stranded places. That one was on the news.

Tuesday at work I also got very sick. Chills, achy, fever, so needless to say they sent me home. After two hours into a ten hour shift. I didn't ask, I was told to leave! So I went home and slept. A lot. I read Ryan's poems before I go to sleep every night so I did that and it made me really miss him.

After, on Wednesday, I felt better so I returned to work. Worked Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and now it is Saturday. Oh, last night a group of about seven of us went and saw The Informant, a movie with Matt Damon. It was funny, but it got to be so confusing near the end. I was so confused I really had no idea what was going on. The business lingo was way above my head. It was about price fixing and embezzlement and I totally missed it. And of course after the previews and before the movie when it is dead silent and dark in the theatre I sneeze causing everyone to laugh and shout bless you at me. Oy. I was kind of embarassed for that, especially since the first bless you came from the back of the theatre and I had no idea who that was. But it was cool to hang out with people from work again and not be in a work setting!

I am feeling better today, managed to eat normally and finally feel close to myself again. I think today after work I will do my first gym venture! I finally feel up to it, so wish me luck. Ok, done being long winded now.

Busy Little Worker Bee

People always want to know, when is the best time to come to Disney World? NOW. After Labor Day and before Halloween. The parks have people, but the crowds are so small! On a peak busy day EPCOT gets between 45,000 and 50,000 people, last thursday we had 13,000. A few days later we had 16,000. Like I said, you want to plan a future vacation? Do it in mid-late September!

So Friday... Guess what?? I got Ryan's letter! Or should I say letters! Oh they were wonderful, he is such an amazing writer and I cried reading them. He is a gifted poet and I read them all the time. They are now safely in my pillowcase so I can feel him there with me whenever I sleep. Corny or not as that is to do so I know it will make it super easy to dream of him that way. I miss him so much sometimes I can't even breathe, it hurts more than I can put into words. When my room mate Kayla texted me at work saying his letter arrived I literally jumped up and down. I was so excited to get home and read it and I literally ran up the stairs and into my apartment and tore into the envelope. I cuddled up in my not so comfy chair in my not so comfy costume and read it before doing anything else.

Friday at work I was kind of an idiot. So I get to work with about half an hour to spare and I go to clock in and the computer says, "It is too early to clock in for your 13:30 assignment." I mixed up Friday and Saturday's schedule! I didn't have to be in until 1:30! UGH. Luckily they needed help and they just let me clock in early and have a few more hours on my pay. I just felt bad because it meant I could have talked to you longer this morning! Damn damn damn. This morning was soooo busy too. EPCOT had what we call Extra Magic Hours tonight. Basically if you stay at a Disney Resort you can stay at the park after it "closes" at 9pm and stay til midnight or so. Basically we had a lot more people in the park than earlier this week. Usually we have a show going on (we can sit 30) and a show waiting... sometimes stragglers will come in and we will say the next show is in fifteen minutes and they leave and come back. Today we had a show in, 2 full shows in line, and stragglers waiting for a third! I like my show... but I would not wait 45 minutes to see it. Sorry! It isn't that amazing. Then of course this afternoon when I got back from my break, round the time I was supposed to come in at, it was normal once more. Typical.

Rumor alert! We have the possibility of an early homecoming!!! Some other girlfriends and wives were saying their guys all are sending their winter gear back now so they won't be needing it because they are coming home. Some are sold on October, but Ryan himself mentioned November/December isn't impossible. Oh. My. God. That would be amazing!! If they do not get another mission after this one they should be home. Keep your fingers crossed! I am still thinking February and trying to tune them out, but it is hard!!!! I feel so out numbered. Heck I know half the guys could even come back and Ryan might still be there. I would be pissed if that happened. I miss him so much.

AND Ryan finally got my pacakges! It only took them two months to get there. And one is still on the way, apparently. But yay! And the cake in a jar was good when it reached him. Small blessings.

Ok, I have to pause with this weekend. This is a long entry any way, so more to come....