Homecoming!

Oh what a glorious word!!!

Of course I was slightly stressed that day. Nerves and the like! I went to work and my coworkers were incredibly gracious to acknowledge my distracted self was pretty useless and didn't have me do anything too strenuous ;)

After work I ran to the dry cleaner to drop off my husband's things that sat on the closet floor for months. In my defense he told me not to worry about them right away! I then ran to the bank, the ABC store for baileys and then home. I quickly walked the Dup, changed the sheets on the bed and vacuumed. My friend Donna stopped by to help me snap out of my insanity and then I realized my no heat curls fell out! Usually those dang things last two days with no issue! So I quickly showered, gashed my leg trying to shave, recurled my hair and did my make up just to get an email they were running ahead of schedule! Crap!

I go to throw on my glorious eShakti dress I'd been saving for the occasion and it ripped!! I was texting pictures to everyone trying to find a back up option but left the house late only to crawl to base in thick thick fog!!

Of course I make it and then we hear the guys are delayed. Sigh. My luck! But my amazing photographer Kaylah from Lauré Love Photography was there waiting for me and definitely helped me stop panicking. 

They had a great set up with tents (that we hung our signs on since the fence gets cleared once a week) a bouncy castle, a movie for the kids and snacks and drinks. 

After a few hours we heard the busses were on base en route to the armory. It was damp and my hair was uncurling and my poster was limp but my butterflies in my stomach became bumblebees. 

Then the bus was there. Kaylah wisely had me stand back and still and let Ryan find me. And suddenly he was there. I ran to him and jumped on him and had the best hug of my life. Nothing else mattered. Kaylah posted some sneak peeks of our pictures so here they are!!

If we get more pictures I'll definitely be sharing here! Thank you Kaylah for waiting around with me and taking such awesome pictures for us!

 

The Dup was so excited to see him too! If I can get the video here I will. Ryan and I were up all night talking and sharing wine and caffeine. I passed out on the couch with him around 5:30am watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix. At 8:30am he woke me up with homemade French toast. All weekend was napping, catching up, and going out to eat. Also seeing Catching Fire. I'm so glad to have him home. To have someone to walk the Dup with, cook with, and watch football with at Ale House! Plus we upgraded to iPhone 5cs and I'm loving how much faster it is!!! 

We've had our moments but it's been terrific. I'm so happy he is home again. 

Jitters

As this deployment winds down I feel myself getting jittery. My stomach has nonstop butterflies and my pulse is accelerated these days. I'm extremely excited, but also extremely nervous. I remember going through similar feelings last time but maybe slightly different. Last time we were dating and I kept having, "What if he doesn't love me?" thoughts. Of course now I know those were silly and I don't have then this time, but I'm still nervous with homecoming looming. 

I'm super grateful this deployment was cut short. I'm thanking my lucky stars. But I'm also nervous. We didn't have much of a "reintegration" last time as we were living a couple hundred miles apart. Will it be rough? Ryan and I bicker a lot, our parents independently have called us the Bickersons, but we don't full out fight often. As much as I'm looking forward to even bickering with him I'm still nervous for it. 

Since my husband has been deployed a lot of changes have happened. I switched jobs/locations within the library, I dealt with two annoying car issues on my own, I handled family illnesses and bad news left and right, I've built routines like walking the dog daily to preserve my sanity, and I like to think I've grown and changed a bit. Of course he has. He has been in a war zone since this summer. I just hope our changes meld together without too much friction. 

I guess I'm mostly venting my nerves out there to the blog world. The homecoming banner and signs are made, the outfit is selected, the photographer hired (although he has no idea on that one, my husband is a pain with pictures!) and the house is ready aside from a last minute vacuum session and load of laundry.

 Sorry I had to edit them a bit but proof they're done!! There are hearts on the sides cut off there too. 

I'm ready. I think. I cannot wait to hug my husband and kiss him and tell him in person how much I love him. Not over a choppy, phone or video connection or an email either. I'm ready, whatever adjustment necessary to the solo life I've built in his absence. I cannot wait to walk the Dup with him, retire the Netflix/laptop combination that took over his side of the bed, and converse with another human every evening. I can't wait for him to be home. My butterflies can fly around my stomach if they must, I know it will be worth it. 

 

Deployed Spouses Night Out

I haven't been able to make a lot of our units events due to work or being out of town, but I'm thankful I've made almost all of the girls night outs. This month we went to Wine and Design and our small group painted some beautiful moonlit poppies. 

I was aprehensive with mine while it was in progress but I ended up loving how it turned out!

Even more adorable was the fact that a couple was in our class and they got engaged! We knew ahead of time via email so we wouldn't spoil anything and it was so special to witness. The guy was brave and did a different painting from the rest of us of a gorgeous sunset with two wine glasses. He sat next to me with his fiancé across from him so she didn't see him write Marry Me in cursive (impressive to do with paint) across the top of his finished painting. He brought it around to her side to examine her finished painting then asked if she liked his. Her jaw dropped in surprise and he suddenly had a ring in his hand! So so adorable! I was hoping Wine and Design uploaded our group picture to their Facebook page but I didn't see it yet to share with you!

Either way, some art, wine and good company was a perfect night out. I even hung my painting in our bedroom!

Next week I'll be attending the unit Spa Night (with yoga and smoothies promised) on Tuesday, the SpouseBUZZ Spouse Experience Wednesday and some homecoming banner making Thursday. 

That's right readers, homecoming banner making time! I got our first official window notice today and I'm super excited! Not too much longer now!!!

Edited to add photos from the Wine and Design Facebook Page!

 

 

Note to Self

Note to Self: When respraying cologne on the last shirt your husband wore before deploying be careful not to overdo it and let your bedroom smell like a shrine to Ralph Lauren. You won't be sure if your eyes are watering from nostalgic tears or fumes. 

Not too much longer now. 

 

When it Rains

It pours.

And I don't just mean the weather. 

I know I haven't blogged a lot lately. I'm working again with hopefully back pay coming later, but no paycheck in sight. I pulled my back out and may have a herniated disc but won't know for weeks. Lots of pain meds. Luckily my mom is here this week. 

For other reasons too. We have a lot going on in my mom's family right now. I don't want to go into detail yet even though some if you know. Thank you for all the kind words you have sent my way. 

Please pray for my family. We desperately need it right now. It feels worse without Ryan here to lean on but I know he's sending lots of love across the world to me. So please, send prayers, karma, good thoughts or whatever you believe. We need it. 

Thank you all so much. 

 

The Worst Time

I miss my husband a lot. Understandable. Every military spouse right now is giving me a DUH from wherever they are. But I have to say it is worse at night. 

Night times were our times. 

I usually didn't get home from work until 7:30. We'd eat dinner and cuddle on the couch watching nextflix or have a bottle of wine in the garage. Maybe a cigar. We'd talk about our days and naturally, it is Ryan after all, the complexities of life, religion, economics and politics. We'd laugh at the Chive together or watch funny YouTube videos on our phones. One of us would make our lunches for the next day (usually me) while the other let the dog out (usually him). As we'd fall asleep we would cuddle and continue to chat until we eventually dozed off. 

Nights at home alone are hard. I've read a lot of books and watched a lot of tv. I try and go out when I can but more often than not the Dup and I are hanging out from five o'clock until bedtime. We do a long walk and occasionally I make myself dinner. Tonight it was burritos. Last night it was a mini frozen pizza. The night before it may have been peanut butter m&ms. It happens. 

But my one beer in the garage as I scroll through blogs or the Chive just doesn't measure up. The crickets seem a lot louder without his voice to fill the silence. My queen sized bed seems too big and I still curl up in my spot. 

Nights are the times I miss him the most. And the times I will cherish most of all when he is home again. 

 

During Deployments

My recent observations... In list form. During deployments:

Your football team seems to do worse since he's not here to cheer with you. Really Eli, I never knew you depended on Ryan so much

Something will be wrong with the car. 

You promise to eat right and work out but end up eating dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and doing a push up challenge a month in. 

Sleep is terrible. I am up super late regardless of how exhausted I am or how early I have to be up. 

You have to make some big life decision on your own. 

Something breaks. Like your only iPhone charger that is over a foot long. And I know Ryan could fix it at work but now it's just useless to me. 

You will read on average six books a week. Three this weekend alone and now starting a fourth. 

Some friends will become better, others will vanish. 

Little things seem overwhelming so doing those big plans (yoga, scrapbooking, learning Italian) aren't even touched. 

There will be at least one fight you have that you beat yourself up over for even having had happen. But you'll make up just as quickly. 

You'll realize leaving the house on your day off seems like a huge task. 

And during a deployment...

You feel pretty darn lonely. 

Not my best entry. Let's chalk this up to the one month slump? It will get better. It will. I just have to snap out of it. It's worse knowing it is in your power to do something but it just seems so damn hard. I miss my best friend. 

 

New Routines

One of the important things is to get a new routine down.

I decided to take the Dup for a walk every single day. That lasted three days until it rained for like a week straight. Sigh. We will keep trying.

Then my mom and brother came to visit which I loved. We spent time together, went to the beach and they kept the Dup company when I went to work. 

Anytime I go to the beach on base I collect shark teeth and I have a small jar I keep them in. My mom and I were finding a lot since high tide was going out and Stefan was skim boarding. Suddenly Stefan goes, "I found one!" And I kind of went into typical big sister mode as he came over an expected to see a shell or a really small one. Nope. Kid had me über beat. This was hands down the biggest one I've seen on the beach and it just hit him in the leg when a wave came in. Lesson learned. 

After awhile Stefan convinced me to try he skimboard. I did not die or hurt myself! i was pretty proud.

We also went to one of my happy places for dinner, Buddy's! I got my usual crab legs and a corona with plenty of fries and corn nuggets. 

I still sometimes forget just how old my brother is getting. I'm ten years older than him and now that he is nearing adulthood it still baffles me sometimes. Especially when we were walking on the beach and he asked me how I was doing with this deployment and if it was different from last time. He's awesome. 

I also got to hang out with my friend Donna and explore this store 2nd & Charles for the first time. You can buy used DVDs, books, CDs and games and also sell them back. It's like heaven for nerds. Especially for Whovians...

I got myself some TARDIS knee socks ;)

Otherwise I'm reading a lot, watching movies over from the library and occasionally treating myself to Cook Out when I need it. Crazy Stupid Love, the Dup and burgers. Not bad. 

 But I live for text messages ala wifi from Ryan and getting to FaceTime. That's definitely something we did not have last deployment!!

Him: Why didn't you tell me my nose is so huge?!

Me: It's not!

Him: Yes it is! Look!

Sigh. I miss him so much. 

Wife vs Yard

One of my new responsibilities is taking care of our yard. My husband seriously loves yard work. He is a huge perfectionist and will spend hours getting lines on our cut grass and edging the yard. Then he spends the rest of the night admiring his work and dragging me around to see it from all angles.

Before Ryan left he gave me a three hour lesson on using the push mover, weed whacker and leaf blower. Now I've cut the grass before but I grew up on a riding mower. I just had to sit on the tractor and drive up and down and back and forth. Not pull a string over and over and push a primer and hold down a weird bar! 

So once Ryan left I worked about six days straight and on my first day off I decided I tackle the grass. This is not exaggerated in any way. 

Round 1 - Mow front yard. 

Round 2 - Run out of gas. Well played mower, well played. 

Round 3 - Put gas in mower. It won't start. 

Round 4 - Put mower in the shade and weed whack the yard while I wait. 

Round 5 - Try mower again. Nothing. Kick it, fiddle with spark plug, prime it, kick is again and then pull the thingy over and over until it starts. 

Round 6 - Mow back yard. 

Round 7 - Try to turn weed whacker from trimmer to edger. Can't figure it out. 

Round 8 - Realize there is a locking mechanism to switch weed whacker setting. 

Round 9 - Edge half the yard and run out of weed whacker string. 

Round 10 - Decide that's enough for one day. We shall meet again. 

It looked ok. Ryan noticed the edge when I sent the picture.  Putz. 

Then there was a lot of rain and I planned on cutting the grass again Monday. I get home from work Sunday night and my neighbor mowed my front lawn on his riding mower, which I appreciated. Buuuut I did have to go blow all the clippings off the grass before it rained. Sigh. 

Today I knew I had to do the backyard so I decided to just do the front in lines again anyway. 

I ran out of gas again, I'm convinced we own the hummer of lawn mowers, and had I empty the bag which was fun. I managed to change the string in the weed whacker and cut all the grass, trimmed and edged. I felt exhausted and I was sweaty as heck but I did it. 

Personally I think it looks pretty good!!

Best Part of My Day

Thank you FaceTime and a semi decent wifi connection. 

See You Later

All too quickly it arrived. We were packing...

And then packed. The Dup knew something was up and was extra close to her daddy for awhile. 

 Suddenly I was sneaking pictures when he wasn't looking as we went out one more time for dinner and then breakfast. 

 And before I knew it he was saying goodbye to the Dup as I teared up. 

We arrived on base to a not so good sign...

 My first funnel cloud. Luckily it was far off. Where we were was hot and sunny. So much so that after a few hours I was pretty sunburned. Worth it. We waited. And talked. And hugged, sweaty or not. 

 Before I knew it it was my last hug and my last kiss and he was on the bus. We ward through the windows and blew kisses and then he was gone. I held it together pretty well until I came home. 

 It's not goodbye. It is see you later. I've been ok. Glad for the Dup and a busy work schedule. I will make it through just fine on this side. I can. He has no need to worry. Just love and lots of care packages coming his way. 

See you later my love.