Life in the NICU

For twenty days our little man lived in the NICU. Being he was nearly six weeks early he still had some growing to do, particularly his heart and lungs. He would have "Brady episodes" where his heart rate and oxygen saturation levels would drop... he usually came out of them on his own but a few were bad enough he had to be stimulated (patted on the back for minor and given oxygen for major) since he started to turn dusky from lack of oxygen. Until he could go five days without a Brady (preterm) or three days post term (37 weeks gestation timeframe), we were staying. Ryan and I were fortunate enough that for the first week of his life we had the option to "room in" at the Naval Hospital. Basically by day four I was discharged but they had extra space so we were allowed to just stay in the room we were in until it was needed again. Since it was the fourth of July long weekend the hospital was pretty deserted. On the day Will turned a week old the hospital got busy again and we sadly had to go home. The staff gave us the option to stay at the Fisher House, but we knew if we had to get in the car and drive regardless we might as well be at home. Fortunately we don't live that far from base so coming back and forth was not too difficult.

My schedule would be to wake up at 8am to get to the hospital by his 9am feeding. I would stay usually through his noon feeding for sure but some days even through his 3pm feeding depending on what I needed to do that day, grabbing a lunch in the galley or cafe. I would do all his changings and feedings and help with his vitals when I was at the hospital. I would usually then go run errands or just go home and eat dinner and shower before returning to the hospital for his 9pm feedings. Some nights I'd stay until close to midnight, others I'd go home by 10:30, and we'd repeat the next day. Ryan, depending on his schedule, would usually come with me at the night feeding and hang out for awhile, or he'd stop by in the late afternoon depending on his schedule with classes and other things.

We tried to make his room and bed personalized and comfortable even if he didn't know the difference. The Lil Man bib we were given was perfect for showing off his nickname that has stuck from birth! Even the nurses and doctors were calling him that. The flag was given to us at his baby shower as "baby's first flag" and we had to bring that in with us for the fourth of July! The blanket he is laying on in the above photo is actually one the NICU gave us that volunteers donated for the babies... he ended up with two nice little blankets and a hat.

Being in the NICU is extremely difficult. It is not natural to leave your baby and walk away and then drive away knowing they are left behind. Don't get me wrong, his doctors and nurses were truly fantastic and I am so grateful for all of them, but it broke my heart every time I left my baby. I cried on more than one occasion, and I am sure post partum hormones did not help matters. I also tried to breastfeed for twelve days and sadly we couldn't make it work. Since I had a breast reduction there was always the risk I wouldn't be able to, but my supply just never fully came in. He was only allowed to breastfeed twice a day as it would exhaust him and burn calories so I had to pump the other feedings and I would never get more than a few milliliters... and the longer that went on the more likely it was that it just wouldn't improve. So at twelve days we had to throw in the towel, but at least he got something from me! That added stress did not help for awhile, that's for sure.

It isn't easy to see your baby hooked up to a mess of tubes and wires either. A feeding tube, sensors that tracked his heart rate, oxygen saturation, and respiratory rate were just some of the many things our little man was hooked up to. He also at different points had an IV and had to be under the UV lights because of his bili score (jaundice). They also tried giving him caffeine to help stimulate his heart as well as vitamin D in his feedings.

The days he had to be under the lights were the worst for me. He could only be held at feeding times for half an hour and then had to be put back... no extra mommy snuggles. By the time he ate and burped our half an hour was nearly over. Add in the fact mommy, daddy, and other people all want to hold him and there isn't much time! He also had to wear a mask over his eyes that he absolutely hated.

This photo above was taken on the day I left the hospital to go home when he was a week old. It was my last little snuggle before I had to get in the car and drive away and I think I cried from the first moment I held him until we got in to our house. Even with both our moms there I still had to go in the shower and cry as it was just an awful feeling. Seeing the "Welcome Baby Will" banner over our fireplace and the nursery all set and Will being across town was just so wrong for me.

Our growly man had a personality from the start though. He loved to be held and snuggled and he hated having his blood pressure or temperature taken. We jokingly said he would be the first case of baby hypertension because when he got mad his heart rate would jump into the 180s or even 200s!

Once his feeding tube was removed he looked like a different baby! He took to bottle feeding like a champ and began to look more and more like his daddy every day. To go home all feedings had to be done by mouth so this was a big step in the right direction for him!

To get sent home he had to pass a few tests, including his hearing test. I think he looked like an adorable little funkmaster DJ with the headphones and hat on, but that's just me! He passed with flying colors.

On Sunday we were able to give our little guy a bath for the first time (for us, not him). Since his umbilical cord was still on we had to just lay down pads and wash him from a bucket with no immersing, but it worked really well and he seemed ok with it! His cord came off the next day naturally, so he is good to go for future baths!

The other big test he had to pass was his car seat test. He had to sit in his car seat for an hour and a half without having a Brady. He nearly failed at first because within the first half an hour he was trying so hard to poop he gave himself a small Brady! Luckily the nurses knew why and didn't count it as a full Brady since he was awake and alert and it was under ten seconds... the Bradys in his sleep were much more worrisome. He did restart his test and do nearly two hours in the seat but he passed!

Today we were able to bring our Little Man home, one day shy of him being three weeks old. I know our NICU stay was not as long or difficult as some families, but it still was not easy for sure. I am so glad that at this moment my husband is giving our son a bottle in his room just so I could update my blog for a few moments. I am lucky we fight over who gets to hold him and snuggle him. I am lucky my son is healthy. I am lucky he is finally home.

Let the chaos officially begin! Our lives as we knew them will never be the same.

The Accident

 

I have gone back and forth about whether or not I wanted to blog about this... I eventually came to the decision that to be true to this blog (which is about my life, marriage, and me) it is something that happened and I can do it and be done with it. Mostly. I will not discuss the details since the investigation and evertrhing is still pending but the basics can be known.

 

Labor Day Weekend was going to be a big weekend out for Ryan and I. His SDA starts at the end of September (something else I have yet to blog about) and I am currently cast in another show (ditto to previous parentheses) so we knew we would be entering a chaotic time and wanted to use this long weekend to spend time together. We had plans to go places in North Carolina we haven't visited yet and just spend it working on our relationship and stockpiling the joy for later use. Friday night after I got home from work we decided to go out for a drink, play some pool and then call it an early night... which we did. Saturday we wanted to wake up early and hit the road. Neither of us set an alarm and we woke up later than we planned, around ten am.

 

We got up, got dressed, packed a bag and got in the truck to drive about an hour to our first planned day trip, Fort Macon State Park. Well, we never made it to the state park. On our way we had a rather awful car accident that left our truck totaled, another truck damaged, and a car slightly damaged. We were the most hurt out of everyone and we were fortunate that our injuries were not severe. Looking at the truck at the accident and at the storage place later I cannot believe we walked away as unhurt as we did. Ryan's arm wen't through the driver's side window and left cuts up and down his left arm. The airbag burned his wrist (friction burn) and nearly cut his other arm. His toe was jammed/possibly broken and his leg was bruised. All of my injuries came from the airbag or the seat belt, which both did their jobs and saved our lives. Both my knees were badly bruised from the airbag deploying and the cover whacking into me, and my seatbelt left a string of bruises across my stomach, chest and shoulder.

 

But, like I said, we are so lucky that we walked away with just minor injuries. I debated posting the pictures of our truck but I will, just so I remember how awful this accident was and how lucky Ryan and I truly are.

 

At the scene.

At the storage facility later on.

Some of you may know this truck once belonged to Ryan's grandfather. After he passed away we purchased the truck from his grandmother. Ryan was very, very proud of this truck and took really good care of it and this accident was awful in every way, but adding the fact that it was his grandfather's truck on top of it all really hurt. I am convinced we had a special guardian angel watching over us.

 

My friend Donna picked us up after the accident, which I am very grateful for, and took us home. The rest of the day was spent mostly on the couch, icing our bruises and watching Star Wars.

 

 

One of the few strokes of luck we did have was that my parents happened to be nearby when this all happened. They decided to take a random, last minute trip to the beach for the weekend and we were able to meet up with them for dinner that evening. Ryan and I made sure we both took a turn getting into a vehicle and driving again even though we were a bundle of nerves. My parents offered to let us keep their minivan (since they have four cars for three people at home, the van has been kept for long road trips basically) until we get a new vehicle. We agreed and my parents rented a car to drive home Monday... a red Mustang that went my parents pulled up to meet my brother had him green with envy!

 

 

 Sunday we decided to go to the ER on base to get checked out... and by we decided I mean Ryan had to for work and said if he was getting checked out I had to be as well. It was a long, long visit, nearly seven hours but we both checked out alright. We had to be seen in separate rooms but we passed the time texting eachother, watching TV (Alton Brown and then Indiana Jones) until we got to be sent home.

I never knew how sore you could feel after a car accident. Sunday, when we woke up, my entire body ached. It felt like I had done a strenuous, full body workout the day before... every muscle and joint was just aching. Ryan and I were limping around for a few days following the accident as our bodies turned multi colored from our various bruises.

My big seatbelt bruise

Like I mentioned, we were very very lucky to walk away in the state we did. I have never been in an accident like this before and it was the loudest, most terrifying thing. We knew it was happening and there was nothing to be done at the time to stop it. All I could do was close my eyes and hold my breath and pray in my head until it was over. Our weekend did not turn out at all like we expected. Since then it has been nothing but talking to insurance companies, figuring out our next steps, looking for another vehicle, and waiting to see what the next step is. Our nerves our frayed and our tempers are a bit shorter than usual, but we will get through this. This too shall pass.

Thank you to everyone who checked in with us, asked if we were alright, and sent good karma and prayers in our direction. We really, really appreciate it.

Father's Day

Any man can be a father but it takes a special man to be a dad.

 My dad, the one I always mention in my blog, is not my biological father, but he is my dad. He has always been there for me in every way that matters. He met my mom before I was even two years old and as far back as I can remember, he has been there. I may not have called him Dad right away, but he is definitely the best dad I could ever ask for. He is the one who taught me to ride a bike, took me to the library on Saturday mornings and helped me with my math homework (and I don't just mean as a kid, that went on through college!). My dad is the one who went to band concerts (even if he filmed the wrong blonde girl the whole time... who played the trumpet whereas I played the flute), my plays, girl scout events and swim meets. He picked me up from meetings, drove me to school in the morning and took us on trips up and down the east coast.

My dad is the one who put me through college. He is the one who walked me down the aisle to Ryan and gave me away. He is the one who danced with me at my wedding to Josh Groban's You Raise Me Up and then gave a killer father of the bride speech that still brings tears to my eyes when I remember it or watch our wedding DVD. My dad helped us move in to our first home and clean and paint like crazy people. He is the one who talks to Ryan about stocks and business and politics. He is the quiet man who sends some of the funniest text messages and emails and constantly keeps me on my toes. We may not be blood but we are family in every way that matters... I am proud to be his daughter.

I am also blessed with some wonderful grandfathers, both here and not.

My Papa died when I was thirteen. He was a charming man, a former salesman, and a Korean War Veteran in the Air Force. He had a huge booming laugh and even though he has been gone twelve years I can still hear his rich baritone calling "Hi Honey!" every time he saw me. Even though Stefan, my brother, was not his biological grandchild he still treated him as if he was. My grandparents were always so sweet to him and to my mother... they kept ties with her long after my biological father went downhill. My Papa's gold cross still hangs around my neck on a daily basis and it is one of the most precious things I own. I miss him dearly.

I talk about my Poppy a lot on this blog... a World War II Marine Veteran and one of the best men I know. At 90 years old he is still going strong. My mom and I lived with my grandparents until I was six and my mom always said I was like his seventh kid. This picture is us sitting on the front porch watching the planes come in. Their house is in the landing zone of Newark Airport and by the time I was three I knew from the tail designs which planes were American Airlines, Delta or United. It's a gift. My Poppy helped pick me up from school (sneaking me chocolate pudding to eat on the way home using the foil lid geniusly as a spoon) and taught me my first jokes. I call him at least once a week to just talk and catch up. He stepped in and helped raise me and be a father until my own Dad did so officially. I am so blessed to have these amazing men be my father figures in life when the one who was supposed to do so failed spectaculalry.

I am also blessed to have been priviledged enough to know Ryan's grandfather. Like my own he stepped in and helped raise Ryan and was his dad as well as his Papa. Unfortunately he passed away when we were still newlyweds and I know our family misses him everyday. He was a long standing member of the Air Force and one of the kindest men I have ever met. He was actually the first member of Ryan's family I got to meet when he came up for a special DC visit way back when Ryan and I were still dating. My husband is the honorable, kind and wise man he is today because of his grandfather's amazing influence. I wish I could have spent more time as his granddaughter in law but I am so thankful for the time I did get to have with him.

I even get to have a terrific godfather in my life, my mom's cousin Ken. He was my sponsor for my confirmation and always came to see my shows whenever he got the chance. I road with him in my first convertible and got to hear some wonderful stories as he is an alumni of Catholic University, just like me. We even lived in some of the same dorms.

So, on this father's day I am remembering the dads in my life who are no longer with me and the ones who are still going strong. I hope all the dads, grandfathers, uncles, father figures, godfathers and every one else who celebrates this Father's Day has a wonderful day. And I am counting my blessings.

DWMM: Favorite Spin-off

Day 23: Favorite Doctor Who Spin-Off

To be honest, I only watched part of one spin-off and I didn't get too into it.

And that would be Torchwood. Which is an anagram for Doctor Who by the way ;)

Picture Source

Picture Source

It is definitely Doctor Who's sexier, gorier and darker sibling. As much as I love Captain Jack Harkness I cannot get into it as much as Doctor Who. Ryan and I watched maybe three episodes. Maybe if the Sarah Jane Chronicles ever come on Netflix I will try watching it, but so far the spin-offs do not wow me like the Doctor does!


Do you watch Torchwood or any other spin-offs? Link up and let us know!


Also, today I guest blogged for one of my best blogging friends. It is a post that appeared on my blog before and I wanted to use it again. It was tough to write but if it even helps on person it was worth writing. You can read it here at A Boy, A Girl and the Marine Corps.