Sleepless?

This has been something that has been happening to me a lot lately, especially when Ryan is not here. I know having him far away is part of that, but it seems so silly to be sleepless because I am by myself. Especially when he is perfectly safe, just far away.

A lot of nights I am up super late. Ok having a long phone call with someone three hours behind you does that easily, but even after we hang up I still toss and turn for ages. I usually call Ryan when I get into bed, but last night I stayed up reading until almost midnight before even calling him! I just seem to be in this weird zone when it is just me in the apartment at night. One more tv show, one more cigarette... even if I am exhausted from obviously not sleeping the night before.

And then there are nightmares. I am twenty four years old and I am having nightmares! Sometimes it is just a weird, crazy dream, like my parents and brother and Ryan were flying Delta to Paris for Thanksgiving and at the airport I couldn't work the escalator and I got in trouble at security for having something I wasn't supposed to. I feel ridiculous with the nightmares though. I have seen one episode of the Walking Dead from when my commercial aired, and even for msot of that I hid. Yet I will see the zombie the lady stabbed with a screwdriver in my mind as I try and fall asleep. Or that new movie preview about the people who go to Moscow to party and get invaded by aliens who want to steal our electricity and make people disintigrate? Basically had a dream where I lived it!

Like I said, I feel silly.

But my sleep is heavily thrown. I am up late and out of bed early for work. I down a Sugar Free Red Bull and a Diet Coke or two to get through work. Then I get my second wind at home and I don't want to go to sleep again.

I know this is all because I miss Ryan, but I feel foolish all the same.

Is this thing on??

No I am not commenting on anything in particular... I just cannot seem to hear too well out of my left ear!! I found that out today at work when I answered the phone (as per usual) and I could barely hear the person on the other end! I was looking at the phone, the chord, trying to see if it was my connection (which has popped out before!) and transfered the phone to my right ear to hear, "Hello? Hello???"

Oops.

I couldn't really tell if it was my ear or my jaw or a tooth, just the left side of my face on my upper side cheek/ear canal feels swollen and funny. Not sure if I am starting to get an ear infection or what. Not cool at all! I haven't had one of those since about 8th grade. I really do not want to go to Urgent Care this weekend because everyone knows TriCare is so helpful with the little things! Ugh.

In other strangeness, I had my first nightmare in a long time last night. And it was a strange but still frightening one! I actually woke up yelling and in turn woke Ryan up (when he had PT in less than two hours from that point...oops). I was on one of the back country roads near my parents' house in NJ. It was dark out but the moon was full and bright so I could kind of see. I have no idea where I was walking to or from but somehow I heard there was a crocodile on the loose and people should stay indoors. I scoffed at that, anyone can outrun a crocodile on dry land! (Yea don't ask, I am sarcastic and weird even in my own dreams)

So I am walking along and of course there is the crocodile. About three times the size it should be in real life. I try and sneak around it and it snaps at me. I run and it chases me. I start zigging and zagging and doing crazy things and it is right on my heels. I see headlights in the distance of a car and try to flag it down for help, but as it is in dreams you have a way of knowing something just won't work in your favor. I knew that car would never reach me in time and if it did I wouldn't be fast enough to get in the car without getting caught.

Suddenly the thing lunges for me and (if you're easily squeamished skip the next two sentences) I remember reaching and trying to gouge its eye out to make back off, like a shark thing. I can remember even what that felt like, which is pretty weird. But it was curtains for me as the thing lunged and I woke up yelling my head off.

As you can tell it is Friday and I am so all over the place. Oy.

Anyway... head over to Mrs. Muffin's blog for the Friday MilSpouse weekly round up!

I usually don't have time to blog weekends, so just in case, hope you all enjoy yours!



PS - I am almost at 100 followers (holy cow!) and I would like to do a give away, but I am lacking ideas! If anyone has any ideas or wants to go in a joint give away with me please email me or let me know! imyewneek@yahoo.com (: