He texted me this morning "Orders! Orders! Orders! Report in on August **!" And nothing else. So I'm texting him back saying "What? What? What? Just you? Me too? What?!" To which I get the reply... "Call me please."
So I get up from my desk and call my husband. As far as we knew he was going to school, it would be about six months, 3,000 miles away, and unaccompanied. Well, we were wrong. It is eight months, two schools back to back, 3,000 miles away and may be accompanied. What do we do? Do we move across the country, slash our BAH in half and live on base (or off base in unfamiliar territory) for eight months just to PCS again? Would I be able to find a job? Would any place even hire me for that short of time? Would we see each other?
Right now I have a good job. I make good money, have great neighbors and friends nearby, and family not too far away. If I move 3,000 miles we take a huge hit to our budget and I am unemployed in a place where I know no one. Especially since Ryan has this huge aversion to living on base I'd be living off base knowing no one. As much as I want to be with Ryan, it isn't the sensible decision. As one of my clients put it, "The military will give you a lot of separations you cannot choose. So why choose to have one when you can avoid it?" to which I had to excuse myself and go cry in the rest room a bit.
Because Ryan and I think it is best for me to stay here. I have support, a job, we have an income and savings. Half of me wants to say SCREW THAT and go with him and cling to his ankles for dear life. Lord knows we will have deployments and moving in our future... but this feels so difficult. Me moving unnecessarily for 8 months and losing half of our income just to move again... but to spend another 8 months on a semi-daily basis with him. He will be in school and have training. He will be learning a new job, studying, getting acclamaited and adjusted. The last thing he will want is to come home and deal with a wife who is lonely or bored (just speculating here). Even if he comes home at all... nights will be spent at the barracks and training will happen and I will be on my own any way.
I thought we made the best decision. For me to stay and we'd PCS together when he graduates. I can visit, we can call and skype... but why does my heart still feel like it is four tons in my chest? How do we know if this is the right decision? Do finances and the needs of one spouse override the other?
Sorry, this post got a little all over the place. I am so happy Ryan got orders. He needs to get out of the barracks before he loses it. It just sucks that he has to go so far. I know I know, it isn't a deployment. But we'll still be apart for a long time, which sucks no matter who you are or what you're doing. Sigh. Time to put on the big girl pants and get over it, huh?
