All Over the Place

Time has been a tricky thing for me lately. With Ryan in cycle and me back at work it feels like there isn't really a set schedule for anything anymore... it's strange. I am now almost six weeks post op and feeling much better. On two occasions (naturally at four in the morning) my stomach rebelled something and I was up and sick for awhile and then off kilter for a few days, but I am just watching what I eat and going from there. Red meat and I may never have the same relationship, which kind of stinks. I only seem to handle the very expensive ground beef or burgers (93% or 97%), but roast beef, steak and anything else is a no go. I guess I can live with that.

Ryan is now in his second cycle as a combat instructor and this one is much better than the first (which was his training cycle). We still have periods of time where we don't see each other for a few days but there are those wonderful few that we get to hang out and spend some time together. After this cycle he will have some time on a normal work schedule since the busy season for SOI is over, which I am looking forward to.

I've been doing a lot of meal prepping on my days off, trying to cook lunches and dinners for the week for two people and doing the laundry and cleaning and grocery shopping; let's just say I remember days off being more relaxing than they have been as of late! Sometimes I feel like he is deployed again, but instead of maintaining a house and a life for just me it is for him too. He ghosts in exhausted; eats, showers and sleeps, and is gone again long before I wake up. I try to keep food in the fridge and the laundry clean and the house not a total disaster. I try not to get frustrated when mud tracks across the floor I just vacuumed or the laundry pile magically reappears as soon as I fold the last load, but it isn't easy. Not trying to complain by any means, I'd rather have him home in this capacity instead of deployed, but it can be exhausting at times trying to keep all the plates spinning.

Besides that my poor blog has been suffering for the past year or so. The community I was welcomed into years ago has drastically changed. I never have been one to blog for profit or into the business side of things, but I wonder if I missed out by not doing that. All the bloggers I started out with have pretty much stopped blogging. My readership is way down, comments and page views alike, and it is a bit depressing. I unfortunately do not have the time (and truth be told motivation) to go on a social media blitz or do some of the other things that extend into uber readership. I remember when blogging was more about sharing your story and personal relationships than networking and graphs and such. It's intimidating. I see blogs with thousands and thousands of followers and almost feel dizzy! That's a lot of pressure! Sometimes I think, I want to blog about this! but before I know it a week or two or three has passed and I have no idea what happened. How have I not come back to the space that was once my ultimate sanity?

I know this is all over the place... but I am still here. I am still trying to find my voice and write it down.

I hope you're still here too.